Right now, China has slowed their international adoption program down to a crawl.

I lived this to a degree during our first adoption that took place in 1999, but while we waited, there wasn’t any news out of China, only rumors…and we waited and waited and waited…and waited…

It’s tempting to change programs. Some did. (And sometimes those other programs closed without any notice.) (In more recent years I have a friend who switched out of one of the closed programs and now has a lovely daughter from China.) And it’s tempting to simply give the idea up. Some did.

I had a friend who kept telling me no matter how long it took, it would be quicker than a biological child for me, because I had miscarried 5 times, with no end in sight, after our younger daughter.

So I waited…and waited.

I figured I didn’t have to like it.

And I waited and waited.

I always thought I was patient, but this took it to the nth. I figured patience, a grace, by definition, means you have to wait. But, I didn’t have to like it.

And every single day without exception I tried to do something good for myself and honor my feelings whatever they were. And I waited. And I journaled (on the computer.)

It’s tempting to think if something is a right idea, it will just fall into place, and for some, that’s the way it works. But it is equally true that something can be right, and it takes a whole lot to demonstrate it. And it might not be easy, but it is still right.

One effect of my interminable wait was the degree to which I’ve been able to help others since that time. I vowed I’d try to make it easier for others. As a result I’ve started many list servs, some of which were the first of their type. Most I’ve turned over to others to run. But I answer questions sent to me privately nearly every day and keep my hand in on the public lists so I have my ear to the ground.

I’ve been known to be IM’ing with people in the middle of the night our time because of the time zone they are on.

For most of us, adopting moves us out past our comfort zone. I hope my kids are glad I was able to do that.

It’s good if you can remove yourself from as many rumors as possible. They will only twist you in knots. Make your own wait as easy for yourself as you can. The quieter you are within yourself, the more you can listen for a sense of what you should do for yourself. The truth is, if your child is in China, you will just have to wait it out.

In the meantime, take this time to educate yourself to the things you should be aware of before you travel. My website is a good place to start. You can see it as a link on this page to Karin’s Family Page. Try to listen to those of us who are further down the road than you are. There’s a lot of collective wisdom out there. There aren’t many subjects in which every or all are the appropriate words, but there are some issues in TR IA that fit those parameters.

Consider the source, but if some tell you every or all, listen with your heart and mind and soul.

Some feel that they must accept any referral because they feel God gave it to them. I believe that we are given intelligence for a reason, and God expects us to use it. How you work that out is between you and God. You must know your limits and that not all things resolve with love. I heard of another disrupted adoption just in the past couple of days.

In many respects our children will be following the path of the grown Korean adoptees ahead of them. It’s not an easy path for our children. And sometimes it’s not so easy for us either. Are you up for it? Can you grow to be what they need?

Karin

Originally posted 2007-03-22 20:40:16.

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Adoption, Just thinking, Parenting, Prayer, Spirituality and God