I know anger is a universal emotion. But the juxtaposition of my short remark yesterday about dealing with my own angry anger was followed by receiving this message into my email box. I had to laugh. Again, I think this reaches way beyond the bounds of divorce, into universals.
Defining Anger
Day 59Dr. Les Carter says that having anger means standing up for your own worth, needs, and convictions.
"You don't get angry when folks are kind, pleasant, or understanding. Anger shows up when someone has rejected you or is being uncooperative, or when a person is being critical, harsh, or difficult to get along with. When anger appears on the scene, it arouses your sense of self-preservation.
"You want to preserve one of three things. You want to preserve your worth as a human being; your anger can be your way of wishing to say, 'Please, show me some respect, will you?' Anger can be your way of preserving your basic needs: 'Recognize that I have needs, and acknowledge them, please.' Or anger can be a way that you stand up for your deepest convictions. It is your way of saying, 'I believe in things, and I don't want to back away from them.'"
You will feel anger at some point in your divorce. [You fill in the blank for whatever is making you angry. Karin] Do not try to deny or suppress this emotion. God does not condemn you for your anger when it is justified. God Himself is described as "slow to anger"--not "never angry."
"And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, 'The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness'" (Exodus 34:6).
Lord God, sometimes my anger is justifiable; sometimes it's not. Help me to be slow to anger, like You. Amen.
For more information about DivorceCare, including how to sign up for these daily emails, please visit.
I can't figure out if I have very little anger (because I hardly ever feel or express it) or if it is so sublimated and running so deep that I'd better get a handle on it. Who knows. I'm not going to waste any time over it. I imagine it's a bit of both. The Serenity Prayer comes in handy at times:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr
It's a truism that progress happens because of discontent, even anger. Otherwise, we'd still be living in caves.
A Bible verse I especially love is:
Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath. KJV
Karin
I do not know about the workbook that is presented below as I have never seen it.
Suggested reading from the DivorceCare HelpCenter
The Anger Workbook
Les CarterA 13-step interactive plan that explains how emotions and unmet needs can feed anger--and tells how readers can find healthy ways to express and control it. This unique workbook offers answers for anyone who struggles with destructive anger and wants to develop healthy alternatives for dealing with it. The only anger management program on the market that offers interactive exercises to help the readers understand and modify behavior.
Go to the following link to order this or other resources from the DivorceCare HelpCenter:
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