What is said in the chair, stays in the chair. My hair stylist.
To have a friend, you have to be one. Karin
Yesterday I found myself thinking about what constitutes friendship. Why are we just naturally drawn to some and not to others? Is it because we are alike and have similar interests or are thrown together because of life’s events, regardless of similarities or not, or because we are different, so have something to add to each other, or … or all of the above? And what is friendship, anyway?
A couple of friends have recently come back into my life, which is evidence of life’s serendipities. Live long enough and who knows what good things are in store! One calls me frequently; the other sends me forwards by email. (Email is such a blessing!) One has come into (and out of) my life several times. The other I had not heard from since high school.
I think perhaps the hardest time to make or keep friendships is when we are in high school. It is a kind of closed microcosm. Parents need to be aware of the milieu their kids are in. Even college is an easier time, at least if you are in a big school like I was. But once we are adults, we can pick and choose our friends from different areas and walks of life. We aren’t limited by lack of transportation. And now cell phones and email and email lists make keeping up so much easier. I have made some good friends online, some of whom I’ve met in RL.
Later, when I got my hair cut, I asked my hair stylist about her thoughts on friendship. At one point she said, laughing, “What is said in the chair, stays in the chair.” Missing a beat, she said, “It’s a take-off on Las Vegas.” I said, laughing with her, “I know, I caught the reference.” It was so funny to me. I would never have thought about it for a hair stylist, but I have heard more than once that stylists are confidants to their clients. So it should be true of all hair stylists — and friendships.
I think it goes almost without saying that a friend should keep confidences and be trustworthy.
She went on to say:
A friend should be non-judgmental. At one point I was having trouble with my son, and a woman I considered a good friend was very judgmental. I had kept quiet about a lot of things because I would not have wanted to hurt her.
Yes, at least friends should be able to share, even if they don’t think alike on all things.
I read once, and it made an impression on me:
Women make the mistake of thinking friendly is friendship. A man never does. Author unknown
I thought at the time that it was thought provoking. I consider myself a friendly person. But I’m cautious when it comes to letting a new person in as a close friend. I suppose I have a self-protective streak. It’s the old adage: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
Another friend said:
Friendship can be anywhere on a scale from just short of an enemy to a best friend.
Most people are acquaintances, not friends. I call them friends, but I do know the difference in levels of friendship.
There should be some measure of love in a reciprocal form. It’s not as good, if it is more one-sided.
It takes some time and work to open or maintain a friendship.
There should be some regularity in contact, even if years intervene between times. That seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it. Yet I have some friends who live a long distance from me, and whether our contact is once a year, or more or less frequently, the love is there bridging over the gaps even if specifics of life are not known on a day to day basis. And we visit as we can.
Friends should wish each other well and want the best in life for each other.
I never really gave too much thought to how to start a friendship. They just seem(ed) to happen. But I saw an adult make a friend once. She had moved to a new area and called another woman repeatedly until a friendship developed. Over time, she broke down any resistance. I saw the same thing happen with a new 6th grade girl who wanted to break into what she considered the top crowd, when my oldest daughter was in 6th grade. Persistence won the day. It was almost funny to watch. At that age I wouldn’t have had a clue. I likely don’t have a clue today, because I probably would move on to another person or group.
What do you think about friendship?
What’s important to you in friendship? What makes a good friend a good friend or a best friend a best friend?
And when do you know a friendship is over? That’s a topic for another post.
I suppose in one sense, my closest friend is God. There aren’t any secrets.
Karin
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