Speaking of wrestling again...I knew I had this day coming up and put it into the mix of what I was thinking, praying, worrying about...
This morning I headed out at the dark hour of 4:30 to drop our visitor at the airport. It was surprising how many cars were out that early and even one jogger. He drove to the airport, and I drove home. I was glad to see what I was capable of doing -- and on very little sleep.
Generally I'm not the one to head out when it is this early. A lot of our roads are in various stages of repair or adding lanes, so every day is a new experience, as far as knowing what you are going to find on the drive. You can't count on things being the same even two days in a row.
I had worried about this ahead of time, but found it entirely possible to do in the moment.
There was more traffic when I headed home. The signs leaving the airport were marked clearly enough that I didn't take any wrong turns, as I had done once a long time ago, or end up circling the airport ad infinitum. The airport itself is bigger and more involved than it used to be.
About half way home the sky began to lighten moment by moment. As I entered my street, the sky was particularly lovely, backlit by the beginnings of the sunrise, which couldn't yet be seen. I wanted to engrave it in my memory. The only way I would have seen it was to have been out in it, which I usually am not.
I was grateful for the moments of beauty and for the fact that I had demonstrated another strength. I may have to call upon a number of them as days go by. It also became clearer to stay in the moment, as I have been doing, because my worry for the morning was unnecessary. That's something to remember. It reminded me of these words from a beloved hymn:
From strength to strength go on;
O wrestle, fight, and pray;...
And win the well-fought day.
Charles Wesley
OTOH, thinking ahead, or worry if you will, gave me an opportunity to think about it, a sort of prayer, and not to be blindsided by any difficulties. I was able to order my time better.
If worry becomes crippling, it is time to move it off. But for it to get to the point of being crippling, it has to begin at smaller levels. There's a balance between worry and preparation.
Anybody know where it lies?
Karin
Originally posted 2007-04-23 11:45:34.
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