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Raising women to be leaders

May 15th, 2007 | Just thinking, Parenting, Quotations 

Raising women to be leaders, an article by Carol Hymowitz, in the Jan 12, 2007 WSJ, features the four Sullivan sisters: Denise Sullivan, president of Campbell, USA; Maggie Sullivan Wildrotter, CEO of Citizens Communication; Colleen Bastkowski, regional vp at Expedia; and Andrea Doelling, former senior vp at AT&T Wireless. This kind of success among brothers is rare, and among sisters is phenomenal, says the story. In senior posts men outnumber women by almost 6 to 1.

The sisters had the benefit of being raised by two professionally successful parents who took an early interest in their futures. They were taught to aim high, start early, analyze their mistakes and try again….they continued to help each other as they grew. In short, they had good advisers and did not succeed alone….Their father “imbued them with his intense work ethic and encouraged them to be independent and determined and to cultivate big goals.” Their mother taught them “ambition is part of femininity.” Kathleen Rich-New

Contrast this to the story I read today of a man arrested for abusing his young son, by beating him after he lost a football game. He influenced his son, but not in a way we’d like.

Dad’s influence
Dad was an AT & T exec.
Dad took the girls to the office before “Take your daughter to work day.”
Dad showed getting ahead requires changing jobs frequently to gain broad experience.
Dad asked the girls to read and write a report on a book each week. He also expected A’s in school.
Dad shared what he knew about business, including marketing, how products go launched and setting profit-margin goals.
Dad enforced early morning exercise.

Mom’s influence
Mom became a real estate mogul after her youngest daughter started school.
Mom made them analyze their mistakes and try again.

Both parents
Encouraged their involvement in extra-curricular activities.
Made them earn their allowance as teenagers. Carol Hymowitz

I’m a believer in expecting my kids to do their best. By this I don’t mean putting excruciatingly long hours into things that are not their talents, but to develop their own talents to the best of their ability at their own pace. It can’t be forced. A child incapable of A’s cannot get A’s. And it is nearly impossible to get all A’s in subjective subjects, such as English or creative writing. It’s easy to see if a math problem is right or wrong, not so easy to see whether a paper is as good as it gets.

One of my Chinese children is a hard worker. She either gets A’s or D’s depending on if she understands it yet. She gets stronger each year. She is one who didn’t/doesn’t like to read, but again, she is developing this at her own pace. I would have had to force her as a toddler to listen to a book being read. So, I didn’t read to her very often. I’d try it every so often, then let it go. I didn’t want her to associate reading with anything but happiness. I knew she would read once she got in school, and she would listen to books in a group. I suspect part of this is not having books that interested her yet, and not having the reading skills to read what she might like. OTOH, she is doing a more than lovely job playing the cello. Practicing on her own and delighting in it. She is the only one who smiled ear to ear through her whole performance — she was genuinely happy. It was obvious she was in her zone.

I was raised to be a career woman, but my role model was my mother who was a SAHM. I have worked, all except for two weeks between my first degree and my first job, since I was 11. I’ve been in a corporation, owned my own business(es), and then managed to have a career and be at home. At the time I was in corporate life, there wasn’t any flexibility, despite the talk they talked — it wasn’t walked.

What surprised me was having my first child. Who knew that a career would then take a back seat. It took more to raise him than working in a career, because it took all of me. I realized then that I couldn’t work 18 hour days and raise him, unless I wanted someone else to be the major influence of his life. I credit his dad with putting in equally long hours getting him to adulthood and into the college of his choice.

All of life is a choice. And who knows where my life will take me in coming years.

I still consider myself to be a leader, but I haven’t broken any glass ceilings. There are many ways to lead. In many ways my father was like the Sullivans’ father. I was always expected to do my best.

I’ve recently read not to ask that of your children as they might feel pressured to over extend themselves. I always knew that caveat, to do my best within reason.

Karin

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Just thinking, Parenting, Quotations



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