Parenting transracial (TR) children

If you are parenting TR children (a child with a different race than your own), it is especially important to give them a sense of themselves.

But no matter what children you parented or are parenting, it's a truism that they are their own selves. There's only so much that you can teach. The rest comes from within them, from their own unique innateness.

Sadly, Julia has passed away after a long illness, but her words remain. May her life and remembrance be for a blessing!

Karin

I remember it bothered me a bit. Being a pig.[Year of the Pig] I was always grateful that living Jewishly came easy to my parents, so that they were great role models to me on how it is to be content with your Jewish identity. I had an excellent Jewish education. Raised in a Shomar Shabbos/Kosher home. Summers were spent at Zionist summer camps and in Israel visiting family. Raised speaking Hebrew and Yiddish (with my grandparents). To the people who knew my family - members of our Shul, students at my Jewish Day School (JDS), and friends from camp, my mother's Haddasah sisters, and just about anyone in our neighborhood - I was a Jewish girl. There was no question about it...
Wow! A Korean guy saying that I look VERY Korean. That's half the battle though - looking the part. Feeling the part is another story. So when Jewish parents who have adopted an Asian child ask me about my Jewish identity and my comfort level with being Jewish and they share with me their concerns about how they too can raise an Asian child to be a proud Jew, I wish I could talk instead to them about what I am missing. About what my parents couldn't teach me by their example. About what it's like to live in my skin. Because it's not about raising your child to feel the pride that you feel - being who you are and knowing what you know. It's about raising your child to be what you cannot be - never will be - and know nothing about. It will come easy, teaching them to be a proud Jew (as long as you are!). The challenging part is teaching them to be proud of what you are not - Asian.

This being said, I am not suggesting that if you are Jewish and raising an Asian kid that you do not raise them Jewish. Seriously, no one wants you to go way out of the way to be what you are not. But why so much concern about raising your different race child to be the same as you religiously? That part will come easy. It's the harder part that you may be ignoring. It's the part that you can't do and that will need to be done independently by your child or not at all. It's what I resolve with myself to accomplish this year. It's my year. Year of the pig! Julia

Originally posted 2007-02-23 09:09:26.

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