Recently I read an article from the San Jose Mercury News (July 3, 2010) This is my good friend... whatshisname.

It got me thinking again about the phenomena and types of friendship.

Aside from the fact that I have difficulties with names -- and I'm as likely to forget the name of anyone I have to introduce to each other in the anxiety of the moment (knowing I have trouble remembering names) -- I know that friendships can be developed online and through emails and from within forums and list servs.

I also know that some of these friendships forged online are not very deep and can be one-sided. When they are no longer necessary or convenient for the less involved person, that person disappears.

At the same time, I know some online friendships can be very deep and long lasting. The ability to share almost in real time and a sense of anonymity contribute to sharing the deepest thoughts that one might not share with someone in one's home circle.

But the article in the SJMN talks about the casual friendships that develop by going to the same restaurant daily or by walking the dog in the same park daily. And one's names are usually not shared.

It was true. We had gotten to know a bit about each other, even come to think of ourselves as friends, without actually knowing each other at all.

What constitutes truly knowing another person? being in their physical proximity? -- we can be physically with someone, but know very little about them -- or knowing a person's deepest thoughts (or at least some of them) while never having met in actuality.

There are friendships and there are friendships -- and perhaps a place for both.

It's not like a deeper, meaningful relationship. Life is busy anyway, and this doesn't require you to make a commitment because you'll be back and they'll be back. You have a brief, friendly conversation, then get on with your life. It's enough.

Is it enough? Perhaps. Or, perhaps for some people who don't need deeper friendships -- or for some people at least some of the time.

These casual relationships are usually pleasant, often precisely because they lack the complexity that can make longtime friendships exhausting.

As the article points out, friendship can become something that is multi-tasked, while standing at the sidelines of your child's game or small talk from meeting someone through www.meetup.com.

Or friendship takes place in the 'space between.'

To some, it's all good.

At the gym
I've been surprised lately when going to a new gym. Previously I went to Curves, and we would strike up casual convos. But at the gym, which used to be a good meeting place, 99% there are listening to their iPods, with no personal interaction at all. Together, but maintaining the semblance of alone-ness. The gym is serious business!

Online friendships
I'm always hopeful that a new online acquaintance will yield a true friendship, and I've been lucky that several have. In the meantime, I think fondly of those who have passed into and out of my emails. And yes, I recognize when the knowledge that I have has been used by those hurting during the process of adopting, but that's OK too, under the circumstances.

My latest two friendships have included email. One flourished after striking up a conversation because I was reading my Kindle. The other came out of an online forum.

I stand with those who know friendships can be forged via computer. Sometimes they lead to meeting in real life; other times not. But time and space are no longer constraints. One can bond over shared interests, no matter one's locations.

Making friends in real life
I once witnessed a young woman new to an area who fostered friendships for herself. She would phone the ones she wanted to do things with. She didn't wait for the phone to ring. From her, I learned what i might do, if I were to ever move to a new area.

How do you feel about friendships?
And how have you made friends?

Life is busy. To make a friend takes time, but it's worth the effort and the time invested, at least to me. I need friends, but I don't need to get together in order to be friends. Some of my very best, real life friends that I met prior to the Internet, are scattered around the country. Yes, we keep in touch now via computer and visit when we can. But it would be sad to close myself off from people I might never meet, when we can still be friends.

How about you?

Karin
www.savvythinker.com

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Categories:

Friendship, Just thinking, Relationships