[Asked which of her film roles most reflects the real her] [Least is Miss Congeniality; most is woman in Crash, not the bigotry but the rage; her brother-in-law thinks it is the woman in Premonition]: How can we ever know? I know who I think I am. Sandra Bullock

I was thinking today that what I do — my vocation is my avocation as Robert Frost said — pretty much comes from who I am. I suppose that might be true of most anyone — do you think? Or not?

So I began to think about how we identify ourselves and what our primary identity might be.

A woman I used to know once told me that it was difficult for her to move to this area, because no one knew her here. She felt she had to define herself in order for anyone to get a glimpse of who she was outside of what she looked like or her physical characteristics. Usually it unfolds through association, but here she had no associations. She was a SAHM (stay at home mother) to teens, so no one she met in public knew what she had done in her past.

What is it that is our primary identity? I suspect it changes in life. As a child, it might be as simple as saying: child. It’s a little more complicated as an adult.

I thought of the (seemingly) obvious, maybe our first identification, male or female. Now, there is undecided. Some colleges have dorms specifically for those who do not declare a gender.

Then there is: straight or gay. And if gay, in or out.

Besides that, there are:

Married, unmarried; partnered, unpartnered. Looking or not looking.

Parent or childless. By choice or not. And that latter can hold a lot of pain.

Educated or not … street smart or not (and that is not necessarily determined by education level)…then there are Chinese friends of mine who know how to preserve foods without refrigeration, knowledge that we have lost since everyone here has refrigerators.

Extrovert or introvert (and all the in-betweens.)

Comfortable talking in public or not.

And a million other choices.

And ultimately it gets down to qualities that we can express in every avenue of our lives.

A friend of mine says she would say mother for herself, as one of the primary things about herself, because she will always be a mother even when her kids are grown.

It’s hard not to immediately state physical characteristics.

For myself, I’d define myself (for today) through my work, my avocation with adoptions (connecting people and ideas as well as general knowledge and awareness), my family (married and a mother), my friendships (online and/or RL — you know who you are), my interests (wide range), and the qualities I try to express, such as kindness and compassion. And I’m a thinker. And I am passionate about life. And if it counts, I’m passionate about perfume…and music…and art…and books…and movies…and beading…and (right now) some knitting…

How about you?

Karin

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Just thinking, Quotations