Difficult birthdays

by Karin on November 16, 2010 · 0 comments

in Adoption, Age, Just thinking

Here's something that's been on my mind as I rocket towards Birthday #49. I am surrounded by women who are seriously younger than I am. These women are so young and their kids are barely in school. This is because of my going to scrapbooking things, but it's true- so many of the women I come in contact with are young enough to be my daughters. Yesterday I was chatting with a new acquaintance/friend who works at AC Moore, and we were talking about another woman, and she said, "She's so YOUNG, she'll learn..." and I was struck dumb by the fact that I could relate to that statement, because I am NOT "so young" anymore! -c

I face it all the time. I don't think I LOOK that much older than some of the other moms but I am -plain and simple. Obviously I can't compare myself to the younger late 30's early 40's. They are adorable and sexy - I am not. Just the way they pal up at games etc. you can tell they don't care to make my aquaintance. They are not mean- they just don't have a common ground. Woman my age are retiring and moving to Florida. They don't usually have an 11 year old.

I do miss having a woman friend around here that I can share with. Another friend

I was thinking the other day that some of what I know, while I knew it and knew what I thought about it, it is not the same as what I've been thru to experience it. That only comes through age and experience.

Unfortunately.

And they say the older you get, as a woman, the more invisible you become in this society.

Honestly, none of my other birthdays touched me, but this one was a doozy. BTW, I don't consider myself middle aged yet. Ha! isn't that funny. I tell my oldest daughter that I will share with her the craziness when she hits the same age, and if I'm not here, I'll write her a note she can open.

At XX I was traveling to China by myself getting a baby. Whether that is good or bad, remains to be seen. My kids are happy. I need to live long and prosper, as Spock used to say, until I see their children. I try to imagine what it would be like to have my kids grown at this point in my life, and I can't even imagine it.

I suppose that is one of my happy-moments in a day. When my kids are in school, I can think for a few hours, This is what it would be like if my kids were all grown. I tell my kids the same thing. Occasionally when one of my littles has a sleepover and the other one is home (or a birthday party), I say, this is what it would be like if you were our only daughter from China. Neither of them likes that for an everyday occasion. They both say they'd be lonely.

OTOH, having two kids close together in age is a new experience for me. And difficult and exhausting somedays, not so much now as it was when they were younger. My kids were always 9 years apart. The youngest have a different relationship because they are closer in age, and that is a good thing. So I can deal, especially when I'm well.

And so far, I am not quite invisible yet.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-02-23 09:08:33.

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