Entries Tagged 'Can someone explain' ↓
May 23rd, 2007 — Adoption, Can someone explain, Just thinking
When I entered into adopting from China, I wondered if my Chinese children would ever resent the time frame in which they were born. I figured that the door to China would close, likely sooner rather than later. And they were caught up in a specific time frame.
In many respects it is a different program than it was when I began. We were told we would have our first Chinese child in 4 mos. But it took me 4 mos to gather my paperwork (as fast as humanly possible)…and that put us squarely into the first slow down.
I figured sooner or later there would be an imbalance in girls and that would make girls a valuable resource (they are anyway…and even in China they are considered to hold up half the sky…hence the Half the Sky foundation’s name)…and then things would change more or less in a hurry.
And, in case you didn’t know, there are boys available to adopt in China. Our second agency has brought home many boys.
It is a misnomer to think that Chinese people do not love their girls. They do. Many of the things that are said as throw-away phrases are not true. I always want to ask people if they have ever been to China. Most times they have not.
What is a necessity for them, and down through the ages, is to have a boy. In olden days, girls would marry into a neighboring village and her family would likely never see her again. She became, literally, part of her husband’s family. Boys were expected (and still are) to support their parents in old age. There is no social security system to fall back on. Girls are now beginning to take that place in their families also.
This article details a riot.
It is interesting to note that many grown adoptees from other countries do resent that they were adopted, while at the same time they love their adoptive families they grew up in. (Not always.) Korean adoption began as a specific ’solution’ to the Korean War…and here we are 50 some years later — Korean adoption is still on-going. Many KADs (Korean ADoptees) feel as though they are an export item, sold by their countries. And that adoption is a money making business by agencies and governments. If it were not for adoptive families standing in line with money (causing the problems) then governments would have to find other solutions, including acceptance of unwed mothers.
Likely they are correct.
And likely my own girls will feel this way. (I would, if I were in their shoes.)
Karin
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March 17th, 2007 — Adoption, Can someone explain, Just thinking
Interestingly enough my older girl had been teased about being Chinese over time in her elementary. (I had not understood the extent of it, though she had shared it with me. And I wasn’t as quick on the draw as I might be today in understanding the visceral level of the teasing — pulling at their eyes and saying nonsense ‘Chinese’ like ching chong.) One day it reached a head and she cried. I think this might have been 2nd grade. The boys were talked to by the teacher, the principal, and had to write letters of apology, and their parents were talked to.
Two days ago, my younger Chinese girl came home (3rd g) and handed me a sheaf of letters, of you guessed it, the same thing. The boys involved had to write her letters of apology. They had teased her, another Chinese girl (who lives with her bio parents) and a Japanese-American girl (also living with her bio parents.) They had all cried (I’m not sure about my daughter.) (BTW, she never mentioned once that she was being teased. From what she says this morning they may not have. It’s hard to tell.) (I imagine the boys had to write individual letters of apology to all the girls they teased.)
So being teased for being non-white is not as uncommon as you might think. And our children are not the new-white, even if we might have thought that prior to parenting an Asian child. We as Caucasians cannot appreciate the amount of racism that exists, even as teasing, unless we open our hearts and minds to the possibility.
It’s one thing to be teased for the many things I was teased for as a child, but it is different to be teased for the essence of who you are that cannot be changed. It is not the same.
Have you been teased as a child for not being white? or has/have your child/ren?
Karin
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March 16th, 2007 — Can someone explain, Inspiration and creativity, Joy and happiness, Just thinking, Opportunity, Parenting, Quotations, Spirituality and God
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. –Joseph Campbell
I had to give up my fantasy family to be there for my actual family. Kathryn at IAT, with permission
I like to make lists of things I need to do. Funny thing is that some things get moved to the next list and the next and the next and ultimately I realize I didn’t need to do them at all, but at the time they entered my list(s) they felt very pressing. Why is that, anybody know?
It’s interesting how some things fall serendipitously into my lap. Maybe if I’d trust the universe more, it would happen more often.
I remember two times in particular. I needed a basket for something. I rounded a corner and there was the basket I needed sitting out beside someone’s trash.
Another time I really wanted some oranges, but couldn’t seem to get to the grove. I came home to find a neighbor had shared oranges with me. Someone else had given more than she could eat to her. If I’d pushed to go to the grove, I would have found I hadn’t needed to.
Or the other day when my item was repaired so effortlessly, though I’d been thinking of needing to do it for a while. I’d expected I’d have to take it to the local shop that had damaged it, but there was another plan unknown to me. And much easier all the way around.
There are other instances that make me wonder what if I just let it be known what I needed, would it just show up on my doorstep, like the oranges?
When have you found your own plans were superseded by a plan that was better?
Karin
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March 8th, 2007 — Can someone explain, Just thinking
I don’t know why, but stuff multiples when I turn my back, especially with kids. I can’t stay ahead of the game on this one.
A friend sent me the following:
I have a ton of stuff that’s literally junk and I’m getting rid of it. I don’t know how it accumulated, or why I kept it. …once I started going through it I thought to myself, what the heck is this stuff? LOL! -c
I sympathize and know what she’s feeling. I had to laugh that she didn’t know what it was!
I wonder if it’s worse because of the natural (?) feelings of wanting to spring clean. Actually I’d like someone else to do it, which is probably why the organization companies are multiplying. But they’d want to move out things that I consider important. Too funny, really!
I find if I put papers away for 6 mos, nearly all of it can be tossed. Makes it a lot easier to deal with 6 mos later.
Karin
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March 3rd, 2007 — Can someone explain, Friendship, Just thinking, Prayer
I can’t answer this one, but it’s a tough question.
Thinking can get you into trouble. Too much introspection can be begloom-ing. (I really do like that word.)
There have been several times in my life when I made a decision against the grain and acted on it. And sometimes I had to fight for the decision against the odds. And I had to fight people too, sometimes, against what they thought I should do. I don’t know yet if the decisions were right, wrong, or indifferent, but each time it was something I needed to do for myself, so I did it, with a lot of prayer. And I went outside my comfort zone each time.
Going outside one’s comfort zone is a good thing, I think, but it can also get you to a place you might not ultimately want to be. It’s a truism to be careful what you ask for, because you might get it.
And, have you ever noticed, that most times when people feel they heard God telling them to make a certain decision, He only told them what they wanted to do already? Why is that…
Ordinarily, if I make a wrong decision I berate myself endlessly until I move on. But in these cases, the jury is still out. Talking to friends about it at the times was surprising in itself. There weren’t many yellow or red lights, just green. And sometimes the green was for the wrong reasons. I knew that too.
So how much help was that! Ultimately I knew it had to be my decision, and this was almost laughably funny, because the consequences would be all mine no matter what advice I received. I would be responsible for the decisions either way.
I only know that each time I did the best I could with the highest sense of myself and from a sense of love. I’m not sure that can ever be wrong.
So will I feel the same way I’ve sometimes felt if any of these decisions turns out to be wrong? I hope not, but there is no fool-proof insulation in life.
I think in these cases I will repeat again:
I only know that at the time I did the best I could with the highest sense of myself and from a sense of love. I’m not sure that can ever be wrong.
That doesn’t feel like self-justification to me. Just living life without a crystal ball.
Karin
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February 28th, 2007 — Beading, Can someone explain, Joy and happiness, Just thinking, Quotations, Spirituality and God
The earth laughs in flowers. I’ve seen it attributed to either Emerson or ee cummings.
A friend sent me a card with these words on it. Now the card is front and center to my computer screen where I see it daily.
I wish I knew why it seems like negatives grab consciousness quicker and stay longer than happiness, which seems so fleeting. I try to reverse the emphasis by being conscious (and keeping lists) of unexpected happy moments. They feel especially like serendipitous gifts, if I’m having a low moment.
This is a reminder to me that joy is found in places and moments that we might not recognize if we don’t consciously let it register. It reminds me to be childlike — to notice the interesting bug or the flowers in someone’s garden or the wildflowers that are profuse along certain roadways. These are moments of happiness mitigating the adult issues that we all face in some form or other. Nature is a gift, freely given.
It just tickles my fancy to think of the earth, laughing, in flowers. A kind of celestial hiccup. And there’s another one. And another one. Just like happiness.
I tell a friend that we need to string together moments of healing and happiness as if the moments were pearls. No one focuses on the knots in a strand of pearls, just the pearls.
I made a bracelet with small sized alphabet beads and crystals using this quote so that it would be before my consciousness as I go about my day.
I can always use more conscious happiness.
Karin
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February 23rd, 2007 — Can someone explain, Just thinking
Why is it that no matter how many phones I have, they all migrate to the room farthest from where I am when they ring?
I have only portable phones, and somehow they all end up in one place, not the cradles where they belong.
It’s actually kind of funny — I figure they have some kind of homing signal that draws them together. It couldn’t possibly be me!
Karin
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February 6th, 2007 — Arts, Can someone explain, Crafts, Just thinking, Knitting, Perfumes
I wish someone could tell me why it is that whenever I make a concerted effort to get more organized, I can’t find what I’m looking for.
I’ve said more than once, that if I would just nail it to the wall, I would save a lot of time looking for things.
The trouble is, I’m not a minimalist. I wish I were. I admire folks who are. (Likely I’ve told you.)
Instead, I’m creative, like to do various crafts…and stuff multiplies, ya know. And I have three daughters who are creative, one of whom is majoring in college in art…so I have plenty of artwork around, which I dearly love, and the stuff that artwork is made from. (And that might be why she is interested in it, outside of native talent — because it has always been valued.)
About the time I toss something or give it away, I find I need it.
Just because I highly doubt I’ll ever do cross stitch again, that’s no reason to give away my floss. One of my girls is making good use of it in friendship bracelets.
I gave away a lot of yarn recently, and I feel lighter because of it. (Up until about a year ago, I thought I’d likely never knit again either. Then I found some beautiful yarns and patterns to go with it…and before you know it, I’m back in the game.) The same daughter who makes the bracelets also likes to knit when she feels like it. She’s about the same age I was, when I learned.
And just because I’m not wearing a scent at the moment, it doesn’t mean I won’t wear it in spring or next year…and if I move them around, I have to look for what I’m looking for.
But, if I ever come back, I’m going to learn to be a minimalist. Except for perfumes… and…and… and… LOL! No, honest, I mean it!
Plus it doesn’t help that we haven’t moved in years, so there has been no culling.
But that might just be an excuse.
Karin
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January 19th, 2007 — Can someone explain, Just thinking
I’ve been surprised lately by the number of times I’ve been around people who dismiss out of hand experiences and ideas that might be of interest or a help to them. Maybe I notice it more because I try to stay open to new ideas and experiences, even if I have to make a list so that I remember to think about or to do them as time allows. The latest for me is ordering a book from the library that someone remarked about at another list.
Is that an oxymoron, to work at staying open? Should it come easier?
Anyway, it’s like I’ve become aware of it on a lot of levels. How could I not — it was as if I was being knocked over the head with it. All of a sudden, not so suddenly, it registers. I’m finally present enough in the moments of my life that it makes a connection.
The most recent experience happened when I overheard a woman shut the door to a new idea. She dismissed it out of hand and even a bit abruptly.
Are people that closed? I imagine this woman thinks of herself as quite open and outgoing. But she dropped the ball on that one.
And where are the spaces in my life that are closed (and maybe even locked up tight.) (Of course, I don’t think I have that many. ;O)
Disclaimer for those who are technically challenged: I understand…and that’s not what I’m really talking about, though picking up new technology seems to be the name of the game. I learn to do only what I need to know…and the line keeps moving forward. There’s no time to learn things I will not be using.
Karin
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