I’ve been surprised lately by the number of times I’ve been around people who dismiss out of hand experiences and ideas that might be of interest or a help to them. Maybe I notice it more because I try to stay open to new ideas and experiences, even if I have to make a list so that I remember to think about or to do them as time allows. The latest for me is ordering a book from the library that someone remarked about at another list.

Is that an oxymoron, to work at staying open? Should it come easier?

Anyway, it’s like I’ve become aware of it on a lot of levels. How could I not — it was as if I was being knocked over the head with it. All of a sudden, not so suddenly, it registers. I’m finally present enough in the moments of my life that it makes a connection.

The most recent experience happened when I overheard a woman shut the door to a new idea. She dismissed it out of hand and even a bit abruptly.

Are people that closed? I imagine this woman thinks of herself as quite open and outgoing. But she dropped the ball on that one.

And where are the spaces in my life that are closed (and maybe even locked up tight.) (Of course, I don’t think I have that many. ;O)

Disclaimer for those who are technically challenged: I understand…and that’s not what I’m really talking about, though picking up new technology seems to be the name of the game. I learn to do only what I need to know…and the line keeps moving forward. There’s no time to learn things I will not be using.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-01-19 10:47:36.

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In case you ever wondered how much airbrushing takes place in the unreal real world, you might like to see this.

It’s apparent that what sells to the public, whether it is advertising or not, is the perfect version of the imperfect woman. It sort of reminds me of the Stepford Wives.

And then some regular folks (and celebrities) feel the need to live up to that.

But even movie stars with presumably mega-$$$ have yellow teeth on the big screen. Sometimes it gets in the way of the acting.

I know that it’s possible to get good pictures minus airbrushing, given the right light and a good photographer. We had some wonderful pictures taken where we all looked our very best because the photographer had a gift for knowing how to pose us.

I think it also helps to have digital photos because you can tell immediately if you’ve got the picture you hoped for.

I can understand why a person would want to be the one choosing which images of his/herself are the ones that are released. After all it is their image, in one sense, even if it was taken by someone else.

I looked at a fashion blog last night, and I wondered who was taking the photos. It was obvious the person photographed was not, so who was? I wish they had said. The creativity between the blogger and the photographer was exceptional. This was a function of the blogger being easy to photograph and being creative in their clothing choices, as well as the partnership with the photographer who knew how to capture the images. I doubt there was any airbrushing, but then again, the blogger is 19.

I think the photos and blog could catapult the blogger into modeling, if that is her desire. It’s another example of being able to market oneself outside the way it was done in years past. The Social Media Revolution again.

Karin
www.savvythinker.com
don’t steal my posts — you know who you are!

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I gather that Glamour Magazine has been thought to be making inroads on the current belief that a size 8 or 10 is plus size. They are considered, or think themselves to be, ahead of the curve — or the curve we hope to see evidenced, because it truly has not been, when we still see wafer thin models advertising everything, so thin they surely don’t speak to the majority of women — because they put Queen Latifah on the cover in May 2004.

Sure, Queen Latifah is a gorgeous woman, but she isn’t average, by any means, even by the measure of talent. We love to watch her in everything she has chosen to act in. She deserves to be on a multitude of covers.

What about the average or plus-sized Jane? Have they ever put a real larger woman vs. a star or model on the cover?

The September 2009 issue has a photo on p 194 that women are identifying with and it is circulating around the net, but I take exception to the idea that she is plus sized. You can see the photo here. And you can tell she has lost a bit of weight by the pooch of her stomach. (They admit she is a normal size 12 here, but sometimes is a 14.) She is a 20 year old model, shot by a fashion photographer. To me, growing up in the fashion business, plus sizes were 1/2 sizes or anything above an 18. By the time you got to 22 1/2, it was a real plus size.

The exception to that might be a very tall woman.

The woman pictured isn’t even close to plus sized. She is probably on the thin side of normal.

143 pounds on someone who is 4′8″ would be entirely different on a woman who is 5′8″. As one pundit put it, her bones alone would be a size 12. And that is not a bad thing, when at the other end of life women are constantly being bombarded with the need to protect their bones.

To think that the normal woman might be a 00 with a DDD bust line without a little help is a testament to the power of advertising, including the advertising of plastic surgeons.

And, if that normal woman were a DDD, likely she would be thinking of breast reduction surgery.

If you have it naturally, it is not the same as the woman who wishes she had it and it will never be a natural state of being.

One interesting — and realistic to me — series of picture in the same issue is on p 193 where 6 pictures are taken of the same woman over 30 days. Underneath each picture are her feelings about herself that day — from

“I am completely motified being in a national magazine wearing essentially nothing but my underwear [a 2 piece bathing suit]…I feel fat…my thighs looked thin and if I held in my stomach all was well…”

And then she realizes that all the pictures look essentially the same. And she recognizes, at least intellectually, that fat days are

“about what’s going on in my head — not on my thighs.”

Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we allow current ideas of fashion, that may have started as early as Twiggy, to wrap themselves around our thoughts and begin to constitute what we think and feel about ourselves?

I try very hard not to — and it can be an inward battle for the best of us.

Frankly, I’m looking for something different in a magazine.

Their cover yells:

331 sexy looks you can afford!
25 naked truths about guys bodies
3 flat belly secrets

Not what I’m looking for.

And tucked into the cover:

36 things every woman should know about money
5 dinners absolutely everyone can cook

Talk about mixed messages!

I sure would like less dross and more gold.

How about you?
What magazines do you read? Do any of them speak to you particularly?
What do you consider to be normal vs. plus sized?

Karin
www.savvythinker.com
don’t steal my posts — you know who you are!

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First, I love Town and Country magazine. It is easy to read, usually has some great fashion and jewelry in it, and very little health issue info which is prevalent in a lot of other places. Just give me fashion when I’m reading T&C.

Raves:
*Jane Krakowski looks fab on the cover. I enjoyed the interview with her in the mag.
*Wonderful, wonderful purples for fall.
*Lots of beautiful fashion and jewelry.
*The picture and brief story of the Paris apartment that Jacques Grange decorated.
*Donna Karan’s model is thin, but not anorexic, unlike Bottega Veneta’s who looks sickly. Similar cheek structure. Softer eyes.
*Giorgio Armani’s fab, fab 30s themed ad in black and white. Gorgeous! I want to look like her when I grow up!
*Loved the article on the 7 career women. None of them look anorexic.

Rants:
Bottega Veneta’s anorexic model — she looks like she’d keel over if she nibbled on a carrot stick. Boney. Sunken cheeks. Heroin chic eyes.

Versace ad — gorgeous dress; gorgeous shoes with purple sole insert — terrible pose, looks like she’s being held up — then you notice the shadow of a man holding a gun on her. What are they thinking! It shows off her back and arms and bustline — but you know it could have been done in a less violent, more tasteful way.

I thought art directors would have the good sense to veto some ads. Evidently not. Or else these are better than the ones they vetoed.

Mixed bag
Some of the RL people looked like RL people with normal bodies. Some looked anorexic. Beautiful clothes at the various events.

My hopes
*That someday we will have real images, not such photo shopped ones, keeping us abreast in fashion.
*That someday we will see real women being seen as beautiful, not impossibly thin role models.
*That art directors will take a stand, as will fashion professionals, to show beauty as beautiful, not ugly as beautiful.
*And that they will maintain a certain level of decent weight on a model — I thought they were going to do this, whatever happened to that!

How do you feel about these issues? Have you seen this magazine?
If there weren’t so much that I do like about the magazine, I wouldn’t renew when the time comes if this is the ‘fashion’ that I will be subjected to. Images need to be usable in RL. Yes, we know they are tweaked for the real consumer, but give me a break!

Karin

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A friend sent me a card with these words on it. I’ve seen it attributed to either Emerson or ee cummings.

The earth laughs in flowers.

Now the card is front and center to my computer screen where I see it daily.

I wish I knew why it seems like negatives grab consciousness quicker and stay longer than happiness, which seems so fleeting. I try to reverse the emphasis by being conscious (and keeping lists) of unexpected happy moments. They feel especially like serendipitous gifts, if I’m having a low moment.

This is a reminder to me that joy is found in places and moments that we might not recognize if we don’t consciously let it register. It reminds me to be childlike — to notice the interesting bug or the flowers in someone’s garden or the wildflowers that are profuse along certain roadways. These are moments of happiness mitigating the adult issues that we all face in some form or other. Nature is a gift, freely given.

It just tickles my fancy to think of the earth, laughing, in flowers. A kind of celestial hiccup. And there’s another one. And another one. Just like happiness.

I tell a friend that we need to string together moments of healing and happiness, as if the moments were pearls. No one focuses on the knots in a strand of pearls, just the pearls. So too, the knotty issues of life should fade into the background of our happier moments.

I made a bracelet with small sized alphabet beads and crystals using this quote so that it would be before my consciousness as I go about my day. There are even little crystal flowers on it and a butterfly.

I can always use more conscious happiness. How about you!

Karin

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What a tragedy for all the babies and their birth families. While I was aware of baby selling in parts of the world when I adopted from China, 10 and 12 years ago, I didn’t believe it happened in China at the time I adopted. Who knows how much of it went on in those days.

Where there is money to be made illicitly, there always seems to be some degree of greed/need. But there is no thought given to the innocents in this, to the babies. Will they reunite them with their families? will any families come forward?

Tragic that families feel the need to sell their children or are swindled into doing so.

Every child deserves a loving family, but in this world it doesn’t always happen. Let us work and pray for a more equitable world, for the safety and health of children everywhere, so that no child is separated from their family, from necessity or neglect or scandal, and can grow into their selfhood unencumbered and in joy. So let it be.

Karin

Henan police break up alleged baby-trafficking ring

By Chen Qian | 2009-1-8 | ONLINE EDITION

HENAN Province railway police caught 11 suspects of an alleged baby-trafficking ring after finding seven infants less than one month old taken onto a train.

The seven infants were girls. They were saved by police at Zhengzhou Railway Station in Henan. The girls are now at a social welfare home in the city, Xinhua news agency reported today. Two more suspects are still at large, police said.

Police were suspicious of eight women with infants at the railway station on October 21, Xinhua said. Police couldn’t understand their dialect so they stopped them for questioning.

They soon confessed the infants were not their babies and they were taking them to Shandong Province for sale. Four of the suspects are Guizhou Province natives and four are from Yunnan Province, the report said.

The alleged leader Long Fang confessed to police that she asked her in-law Liu Yongqiong to buy babies in October. Liu later contacted a man surnamed Huang and three other suspects to purchase infants in Yunnan.

Liu and Huang remain at large.

Long purchased five infants for 14,600 yuan (US$2,147) in mid October and organized five women to transport them to Shandong, where her accomplice Zhang Li was waiting for the babies, the report said.

Six suspects took a train from Guiyang in Guizhou Province and met two other accomplices half way. The pair had two babies they purchased for 8,000 yuan in Guizhou. They arrived at Zhengzhou Railway Station on October 21 and planned to take a bus to Shandong with the others, the report said.

After catching eight women in Zhengzhou, police caught five more suspects in Shandong, Yunnan and Guizhou in the following three weeks. Among them, 11 have been detained and two are still being investigated, according to the report.

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Don’t you think it is funny that every single mascara brand features a model with false eye lashes, while they are touting how great their mascara is?

I don’t doubt their mascara is good. For the most part, I have liked all the mascaras I have owned and used through the years.

And I have worn false eyelashes in my past too. Daily. When they were in style, but no one else was wearing them in everyday life, at least where I lived. I. wore. them.

And. I. Might. Again.

But meantime, there is mascara. Wonderful, lush, thickening, darkening, sometimes brightly colored, lengthening mascara.

Show me how each one looks different on each eye, like I did the other day. Show me.

I own a bunch of false eyelashes now, but I haven’t reached for them in years. One of these days I’ll have to start doing FOTDs with them, especially the brightly colored ones and ones with metallic that I bought at Halloween, knowing they would work just fine.

OK, but back to the topic at hand.

Why oh why do the companies persist in using false eye lashes to show mascara? And most of the time there isn’t a drop of mascara to be seen on them.

Who do they think they are fooling?

Show me some mascara adorned real eye lashes. That’s what I want to see.

All they are showing me is different styles of eyelashes. And. No. Mascara.

How can they get away with it? Because cosmetics are just gloss, they aren’t life and death?

Do. Not. Try. To. Take. My. Mascara. You might lose your hand. I know, it’s not life and death, but truly who wants to leave home without it?

Karin

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When I entered into adopting from China, I wondered if my Chinese children would ever resent the time frame in which they were born. I figured that the door to China would close, likely sooner rather than later. And they were caught up in a specific time frame.

In many respects it is a different program than it was when I began. We were told we would have our first Chinese child in 4 mos. But it took me 4 mos to gather my paperwork (as fast as humanly possible)…and that put us squarely into the first slow down.

I figured sooner or later there would be an imbalance in girls and that would make girls a valuable resource (they are anyway…and even in China they are considered to hold up half the sky…hence the Half the Sky foundation’s name)…and then things would change more or less in a hurry.

And, in case you didn’t know, there are boys available to adopt in China. Our second agency has brought home many boys.

It is a misnomer to think that Chinese people do not love their girls. They do. Many of the things that are said as throw-away phrases are not true. I always want to ask people if they have ever been to China. Most times they have not.

What is a necessity for them, and down through the ages, is to have a boy. In olden days, girls would marry into a neighboring village and her family would likely never see her again. She became, literally, part of her husband’s family. Boys were expected (and still are) to support their parents in old age. There is no social security system to fall back on. Girls are now beginning to take that place in their families also.

This article details a riot.

It is interesting to note that many grown adoptees from other countries do resent that they were adopted, while at the same time they love their adoptive families they grew up in. (Not always.) Korean adoption began as a specific ’solution’ to the Korean War…and here we are 50 some years later — Korean adoption is still on-going. Many KADs (Korean ADoptees) feel as though they are an export item, sold by their countries. And that adoption is a money making business by agencies and governments. If it were not for adoptive families standing in line with money (causing the problems) then governments would have to find other solutions, including acceptance of unwed mothers.

Likely they are correct.

And likely my own girls will feel this way. (I would, if I were in their shoes.)

Karin

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Interestingly enough my older girl had been teased about being Chinese over time in her elementary. (I had not understood the extent of it, though she had shared it with me. And I wasn’t as quick on the draw as I might be today in understanding the visceral level of the teasing — pulling at their eyes and saying nonsense ‘Chinese’ like ching chong.) One day it reached a head and she cried. I think this might have been 2nd grade. The boys were talked to by the teacher, the principal, and had to write letters of apology, and their parents were talked to.

Two days ago, my younger Chinese girl came home (3rd g) and handed me a sheaf of letters, of you guessed it, the same thing. The boys involved had to write her letters of apology. They had teased her, another Chinese girl (who lives with her bio parents) and a Japanese-American girl (also living with her bio parents.) They had all cried (I’m not sure about my daughter.) (BTW, she never mentioned once that she was being teased. From what she says this morning they may not have. It’s hard to tell.) (I imagine the boys had to write individual letters of apology to all the girls they teased.)

So being teased for being non-white is not as uncommon as you might think. And our children are not the new-white, even if we might have thought that prior to parenting an Asian child. We as Caucasians cannot appreciate the amount of racism that exists, even as teasing, unless we open our hearts and minds to the possibility.

It’s one thing to be teased for the many things I was teased for as a child, but it is different to be teased for the essence of who you are that cannot be changed. It is not the same.

Have you been teased as a child for not being white? or has/have your child/ren?

Karin

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. –Joseph Campbell

I had to give up my fantasy family to be there for my actual family. Kathryn at IAT, with permission

I like to make lists of things I need to do. Funny thing is that some things get moved to the next list and the next and the next and ultimately I realize I didn’t need to do them at all, but at the time they entered my list(s) they felt very pressing. Why is that, anybody know?

It’s interesting how some things fall serendipitously into my lap. Maybe if I’d trust the universe more, it would happen more often.

I remember two times in particular. I needed a basket for something. I rounded a corner and there was the basket I needed sitting out beside someone’s trash.

Another time I really wanted some oranges, but couldn’t seem to get to the grove. I came home to find a neighbor had shared oranges with me. Someone else had given more than she could eat to her. If I’d pushed to go to the grove, I would have found I hadn’t needed to.

Or the other day when my item was repaired so effortlessly, though I’d been thinking of needing to do it for a while. I’d expected I’d have to take it to the local shop that had damaged it, but there was another plan unknown to me. And much easier all the way around.

There are other instances that make me wonder what if I just let it be known what I needed, would it just show up on my doorstep, like the oranges?

When have you found your own plans were superseded by a plan that was better?

Karin

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I don’t know why, but stuff multiples when I turn my back, especially with kids. I can’t stay ahead of the game on this one.

A friend sent me the following:

I have a ton of stuff that’s literally junk and I’m getting rid of it. I don’t know how it accumulated, or why I kept it. …once I started going through it I thought to myself, what the heck is this stuff? LOL! -c

I sympathize and know what she’s feeling. I had to laugh that she didn’t know what it was!

I wonder if it’s worse because of the natural (?) feelings of wanting to spring clean. Actually I’d like someone else to do it, which is probably why the organization companies are multiplying. But they’d want to move out things that I consider important. Too funny, really!

I find if I put papers away for 6 mos, nearly all of it can be tossed. Makes it a lot easier to deal with 6 mos later.

Karin

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I can’t answer this one, but it’s a tough question.

Thinking can get you into trouble. Too much introspection can be begloom-ing. (I really do like that word.)

There have been several times in my life when I made a decision against the grain and acted on it. And sometimes I had to fight for the decision against the odds. And I had to fight people too, sometimes, against what they thought I should do. I don’t know yet if the decisions were right, wrong, or indifferent, but each time it was something I needed to do for myself, so I did it, with a lot of prayer. And I went outside my comfort zone each time.

Going outside one’s comfort zone is a good thing, I think, but it can also get you to a place you might not ultimately want to be. It’s a truism to be careful what you ask for, because you might get it.

And, have you ever noticed, that most times when people feel they heard God telling them to make a certain decision, He only told them what they wanted to do already? Why is that…

Ordinarily, if I make a wrong decision I berate myself endlessly until I move on. But in these cases, the jury is still out. Talking to friends about it at the times was surprising in itself. There weren’t many yellow or red lights, just green. And sometimes the green was for the wrong reasons. I knew that too.

So how much help was that! Ultimately I knew it had to be my decision, and this was almost laughably funny, because the consequences would be all mine no matter what advice I received. I would be responsible for the decisions either way.

I only know that each time I did the best I could with the highest sense of myself and from a sense of love. I’m not sure that can ever be wrong.

So will I feel the same way I’ve sometimes felt if any of these decisions turns out to be wrong? I hope not, but there is no fool-proof insulation in life.

I think in these cases I will repeat again:

I only know that at the time I did the best I could with the highest sense of myself and from a sense of love. I’m not sure that can ever be wrong.

That doesn’t feel like self-justification to me. Just living life without a crystal ball.

Karin

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Why is it that no matter how many phones I have, they all migrate to the room farthest from where I am when they ring?

I have only portable phones, and somehow they all end up in one place, not the cradles where they belong.

It’s actually kind of funny — I figure they have some kind of homing signal that draws them together. It couldn’t possibly be me!

Karin

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I wish someone could tell me why it is that whenever I make a concerted effort to get more organized, I can’t find what I’m looking for.

I’ve said more than once, that if I would just nail it to the wall, I would save a lot of time looking for things.

The trouble is, I’m not a minimalist. I wish I were. I admire folks who are. (Likely I’ve told you.)

Instead, I’m creative, like to do various crafts…and stuff multiplies, ya know. And I have three daughters who are creative, one of whom is majoring in college in art…so I have plenty of artwork around, which I dearly love, and the stuff that artwork is made from. (And that might be why she is interested in it, outside of native talent — because it has always been valued.)

About the time I toss something or give it away, I find I need it.

Just because I highly doubt I’ll ever do cross stitch again, that’s no reason to give away my floss. One of my girls is making good use of it in friendship bracelets.

I gave away a lot of yarn recently, and I feel lighter because of it. (Up until about a year ago, I thought I’d likely never knit again either. Then I found some beautiful yarns and patterns to go with it…and before you know it, I’m back in the game.) The same daughter who makes the bracelets also likes to knit when she feels like it. She’s about the same age I was, when I learned.

And just because I’m not wearing a scent at the moment, it doesn’t mean I won’t wear it in spring or next year…and if I move them around, I have to look for what I’m looking for.

But, if I ever come back, I’m going to learn to be a minimalist. Except for perfumes… and…and… and… LOL! No, honest, I mean it!

Plus it doesn’t help that we haven’t moved in years, so there has been no culling.

But that might just be an excuse.

Karin

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