My, my, my.
Related Articles Related StoresEntries Tagged 'Yikes' ↓
Forever Young through photoshop
October 1st, 2007 — Age, Beauty, What the hell were they thinking
A little unfortunate vignette
September 12th, 2007 — Relationships, What the hell were they thinking
There we were minding our own business walking along in early morning when a younger couple came toward us. He was carrying a drink, with his other arm heavily across the girl’s shoulders. She did not look comfortable. I suppose they were in their mid-20’s, but who can tell. He had drunk more than was good for him (or her.)
He said to us, thinking he was funny, “I want you to know she really is beautiful inside, but she is not beautiful outside.”
He spoke with an accent, which I would say was likely Scandinavian. They were both attractive blonds. I don’t know if she spoke English, but a flash of hurt went across her face.
All I could think of was, WT? I wish I had known what to say that would not have made it worse. I don’t know which of them I felt more sympathy for. I hope she doesn’t let him affect her own sense of herself. I hope he has the good sense never to comment like this again, though that is unlikely. I hope this attitude is not set in stone in him.
It gave me something to think about for the rest of that day (and even today.) I think that is why we saw it, so our thoughts could be a help and healing.
It was surely a form of abuse. How likely is it that he would change…was this a one-off or something habitual? Or is every similar comment a one-off? Or is it just when he has been drinking too much (and how often is that?)
It is possible to love someone but know you can’t live with them.
What would your advice be for the girl, if she asked you? I was speechless. (I know, hard to believe.)
Karin
Related Articles Related StoresOne decision away
June 16th, 2007 — Inspiration and creativity, Just thinking, Travel, What the hell were they thinking
Reading Leap!: What Will We Do with the Rest of Our Lives?
Of course, I already did this with two Chinese adoptions. Never in my life did I ever think that was in the offing until it was.
It’s interesting to me to see how many things are out there, if we knew of them or were willing to follow our bliss, take the risk(s).
Of course, many of the people she interviews in her book are very capable of doing most anything. They have made (and maybe lost) fortunes because of their ability to look at life creatively. They haven’t lived a straight line yet, so why would they into the sunset years? Money is not necessarily a problem in choosing anything. OTOH, some live interesting lives and have never had much money, they just think outside the box.
The important thing (not things) might be either to look before leaping…or take the leap and go where it leads.
I suppose I have a tendency to be or do a bit of both. I don’t know that I’d leap without thought, but some leaps seemingly come together without thought, while a whole lifetime of decisions has led up to that leap.
She asks the question, if you are going to live another 30 years, what are you going to do?
I’m open to a lot of things, but I don’t know that I’ll ever be at a point to do them. And then doing them, perhaps it would be bliss or it would be: what the heck was I thinking, LOL. I always say, nothing is written in stone; you can always make another decision.
How about you? will you leap? are you leaping? do you even consider it? (somehow it reminds me of Star Trek…beam me in, Scotty.)
What would you do if you could do anything? would you do what you are doing now?
Karin
Related Articles Related StoresIndia
June 16th, 2007 — Books, India, Just thinking, Travel, What the hell were they thinking
In her book Leap!: What Will We Do with the Rest of Our Lives?
She goes to India to volunteer, teaching English in an orphanage, because of an interesting interview with Ed Wayne, an American Jew, who has retired from the oil business but uses his money in Belgrade to get things done. Because he can; because he can do things without red tape or government interference; because his interpretation of “never again” is “never again for anybody.’
Along the way, she goes to an Ashram and to another Ashram that someone tells her she must go to.
She also meets a sculptor who ships his things back home after he sculpts in India.
Anyway, her volunteer trip is definitely not 5* and she changes the names to protect the innocent. It is the trip from hell in many ways, not necessarily so much where she is or the accommodations, though they are very primitive, but the folks she associates with who are volunteering.
I have never been to India and I haven’t volunteered over seas. Have you?
Karin
Related Articles Related StoresChinese villagers riot over stricter population-control
May 23rd, 2007 — Adoption, Can someone explain, Just thinking
When I entered into adopting from China, I wondered if my Chinese children would ever resent the time frame in which they were born. I figured that the door to China would close, likely sooner rather than later. And they were caught up in a specific time frame.
In many respects it is a different program than it was when I began. We were told we would have our first Chinese child in 4 mos. But it took me 4 mos to gather my paperwork (as fast as humanly possible)…and that put us squarely into the first slow down.
I figured sooner or later there would be an imbalance in girls and that would make girls a valuable resource (they are anyway…and even in China they are considered to hold up half the sky…hence the Half the Sky foundation’s name)…and then things would change more or less in a hurry.
And, in case you didn’t know, there are boys available to adopt in China. Our second agency has brought home many boys.
It is a misnomer to think that Chinese people do not love their girls. They do. Many of the things that are said as throw-away phrases are not true. I always want to ask people if they have ever been to China. Most times they have not.
What is a necessity for them, and down through the ages, is to have a boy. In olden days, girls would marry into a neighboring village and her family would likely never see her again. She became, literally, part of her husband’s family. Boys were expected (and still are) to support their parents in old age. There is no social security system to fall back on. Girls are now beginning to take that place in their families also.
This article details a riot.
It is interesting to note that many grown adoptees from other countries do resent that they were adopted, while at the same time they love their adoptive families they grew up in. (Not always.) Korean adoption began as a specific ’solution’ to the Korean War…and here we are 50 some years later — Korean adoption is still on-going. Many KADs (Korean ADoptees) feel as though they are an export item, sold by their countries. And that adoption is a money making business by agencies and governments. If it were not for adoptive families standing in line with money (causing the problems) then governments would have to find other solutions, including acceptance of unwed mothers.
Likely they are correct.
And likely my own girls will feel this way. (I would, if I were in their shoes.)
Karin
Related Articles Related StoresBeing teased as a non-white child
March 17th, 2007 — Adoption, Can someone explain, Just thinking
Interestingly enough my older girl had been teased about being Chinese over time in her elementary. (I had not understood the extent of it, though she had shared it with me. And I wasn’t as quick on the draw as I might be today in understanding the visceral level of the teasing — pulling at their eyes and saying nonsense ‘Chinese’ like ching chong.) One day it reached a head and she cried. I think this might have been 2nd grade. The boys were talked to by the teacher, the principal, and had to write letters of apology, and their parents were talked to.
Two days ago, my younger Chinese girl came home (3rd g) and handed me a sheaf of letters, of you guessed it, the same thing. The boys involved had to write her letters of apology. They had teased her, another Chinese girl (who lives with her bio parents) and a Japanese-American girl (also living with her bio parents.) They had all cried (I’m not sure about my daughter.) (BTW, she never mentioned once that she was being teased. From what she says this morning they may not have. It’s hard to tell.) (I imagine the boys had to write individual letters of apology to all the girls they teased.)
So being teased for being non-white is not as uncommon as you might think. And our children are not the new-white, even if we might have thought that prior to parenting an Asian child. We as Caucasians cannot appreciate the amount of racism that exists, even as teasing, unless we open our hearts and minds to the possibility.
It’s one thing to be teased for the many things I was teased for as a child, but it is different to be teased for the essence of who you are that cannot be changed. It is not the same.
Have you been teased as a child for not being white? or has/have your child/ren?
Karin
Related Articles Related StoresBest-laid plans
March 16th, 2007 — Can someone explain, Inspiration and creativity, Joy and happiness, Just thinking, Opportunity, Parenting, Quotations, Spirituality and God
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. –Joseph Campbell
I had to give up my fantasy family to be there for my actual family. Kathryn at IAT, with permission
I like to make lists of things I need to do. Funny thing is that some things get moved to the next list and the next and the next and ultimately I realize I didn’t need to do them at all, but at the time they entered my list(s) they felt very pressing. Why is that, anybody know?
It’s interesting how some things fall serendipitously into my lap. Maybe if I’d trust the universe more, it would happen more often.
I remember two times in particular. I needed a basket for something. I rounded a corner and there was the basket I needed sitting out beside someone’s trash.
Another time I really wanted some oranges, but couldn’t seem to get to the grove. I came home to find a neighbor had shared oranges with me. Someone else had given more than she could eat to her. If I’d pushed to go to the grove, I would have found I hadn’t needed to.
Or the other day when my item was repaired so effortlessly, though I’d been thinking of needing to do it for a while. I’d expected I’d have to take it to the local shop that had damaged it, but there was another plan unknown to me. And much easier all the way around.
There are other instances that make me wonder what if I just let it be known what I needed, would it just show up on my doorstep, like the oranges?
When have you found your own plans were superseded by a plan that was better?
Karin
Related Articles Related StoresGetting organized, I sympathize
March 8th, 2007 — Can someone explain, Just thinking
I don’t know why, but stuff multiples when I turn my back, especially with kids. I can’t stay ahead of the game on this one.
A friend sent me the following:
I have a ton of stuff that’s literally junk and I’m getting rid of it. I don’t know how it accumulated, or why I kept it. …once I started going through it I thought to myself, what the heck is this stuff? LOL! -c
I sympathize and know what she’s feeling. I had to laugh that she didn’t know what it was!
I wonder if it’s worse because of the natural (?) feelings of wanting to spring clean. Actually I’d like someone else to do it, which is probably why the organization companies are multiplying. But they’d want to move out things that I consider important. Too funny, really!
I find if I put papers away for 6 mos, nearly all of it can be tossed. Makes it a lot easier to deal with 6 mos later.
Karin
Related Articles Related StoresHow do you know if you are making the right decision
March 3rd, 2007 — Can someone explain, Friendship, Just thinking, Prayer
I can’t answer this one, but it’s a tough question.
Thinking can get you into trouble. Too much introspection can be begloom-ing. (I really do like that word.)
There have been several times in my life when I made a decision against the grain and acted on it. And sometimes I had to fight for the decision against the odds. And I had to fight people too, sometimes, against what they thought I should do. I don’t know yet if the decisions were right, wrong, or indifferent, but each time it was something I needed to do for myself, so I did it, with a lot of prayer. And I went outside my comfort zone each time.
Going outside one’s comfort zone is a good thing, I think, but it can also get you to a place you might not ultimately want to be. It’s a truism to be careful what you ask for, because you might get it.
And, have you ever noticed, that most times when people feel they heard God telling them to make a certain decision, He only told them what they wanted to do already? Why is that…
Ordinarily, if I make a wrong decision I berate myself endlessly until I move on. But in these cases, the jury is still out. Talking to friends about it at the times was surprising in itself. There weren’t many yellow or red lights, just green. And sometimes the green was for the wrong reasons. I knew that too.
So how much help was that! Ultimately I knew it had to be my decision, and this was almost laughably funny, because the consequences would be all mine no matter what advice I received. I would be responsible for the decisions either way.
I only know that each time I did the best I could with the highest sense of myself and from a sense of love. I’m not sure that can ever be wrong.
So will I feel the same way I’ve sometimes felt if any of these decisions turns out to be wrong? I hope not, but there is no fool-proof insulation in life.
I think in these cases I will repeat again:
I only know that at the time I did the best I could with the highest sense of myself and from a sense of love. I’m not sure that can ever be wrong.
That doesn’t feel like self-justification to me. Just living life without a crystal ball.
Karin
Related Articles Related StoresFinding happiness in the moments
February 28th, 2007 — Beading, Can someone explain, Joy and happiness, Just thinking, Quotations, Spirituality and God
The earth laughs in flowers. I’ve seen it attributed to either Emerson or ee cummings.
A friend sent me a card with these words on it. Now the card is front and center to my computer screen where I see it daily.
I wish I knew why it seems like negatives grab consciousness quicker and stay longer than happiness, which seems so fleeting. I try to reverse the emphasis by being conscious (and keeping lists) of unexpected happy moments. They feel especially like serendipitous gifts, if I’m having a low moment.
This is a reminder to me that joy is found in places and moments that we might not recognize if we don’t consciously let it register. It reminds me to be childlike — to notice the interesting bug or the flowers in someone’s garden or the wildflowers that are profuse along certain roadways. These are moments of happiness mitigating the adult issues that we all face in some form or other. Nature is a gift, freely given.
It just tickles my fancy to think of the earth, laughing, in flowers. A kind of celestial hiccup. And there’s another one. And another one. Just like happiness.
I tell a friend that we need to string together moments of healing and happiness as if the moments were pearls. No one focuses on the knots in a strand of pearls, just the pearls.
I made a bracelet with small sized alphabet beads and crystals using this quote so that it would be before my consciousness as I go about my day.
I can always use more conscious happiness.
Karin
Related Articles Related Stores
