It's only fair to present the other side, after Valentine's Day. I always thought this song was clever.

It might add a little humor to life if we thought of another word for lover -- perhaps job or resentment or anger or...we aren't stuck in unhappiness in life if we look for a way out. Sometimes that might even mean staying under new circumstances.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-02-16 07:59:39.

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I recently read an author interview with Ted Gup about his book A Secret Gift in The Christian Science Monitor (December 20, 2010.) It sparked my interest, so I ordered the book from the library.

This is not a review, but a heads up on this non-fiction book, because I haven't finished reading it yet, but I will say that what I've read is 5* out of 5*.

The story
In December, 1933, B. Virdot (the pseudonym for Gup's grandfather, Sam Stone) placed an ad in the Canton, Ohio, local paper, offering to sent $10 to up to 75 families who wrote to him telling him of their needs. He got a very large response, so he actually sent $5 to 150 families. $5 in those days is roughly the equivalent of $100 in today's money. He never told anyone about what he had done or that he was B. Virdot. However, it was common knowledge to his wife and children, including Gup's mother.

Stone knew the power of a philanthropic gesture. Even if he couldn't alleviate all suffering, he could do his part. We know how much $100 would mean to us today, even if our straits are not so dire, so with a little knowledge of what those times were really like, we can catch a glimpse of how much it meant then.

How did the story come to light?
When Gup's mother was downsizing, she took him up to the attic and gave him a small suitcase which he didn't immediately go through. And when he did look at it more closely, he still didn't immediately catch the significance.

The name B. Virdot rang a bell for him, though, and as he pondered how he knew this name, he remembered that his grandfather had named a boat with it.

Now the book
Gup makes the depression come alive, with real folks' difficulties, whether they were at one time wealthy then lost it all or were from more modest circumstances and then had even less. With a historian's eye, he reads the letters to his grandfather requesting money and the many letters of thanks his grandfather received afterwards. Gup does his best to track down the various writers' families to see how the gesture of receiving $5 at a time of extremity factored into future events with the writers and their family line.

He unearths secrets within the townsfolk, as well as in his family.

I find it utterly fascinating, easy to read, even though the subject is difficult.

In my own family the depression was not kind to one side of the family. From what I remember of what I was told: While they had once had a home, they lost it during those years and the father (my grandfather) who had been a good provider spent his days playing cards and drinking. His wife, my grandmother, I was told, went door to door selling dresses. I don't know where she got them. Maybe they were her own. Or maybe she sewed them. Or maybe she was selling dresses she got from other people. Those are parts of the story lost to me, as my parent who would remember has died. But it could not have been an easy life.

Gup's book certainly puts those times and years into perspective.

Have you read it?
It is also available for Kindle.

Buy the physical book here. A Secret Gift: How One Man's Kindness--and a Trove of Letters--Revealed the Hidden History of the Great Depression

Buy the Kindle book here. A Secret Gift: How One Man's Kindness--and a Trove of Letters--Revealed the Hidden History of the Great Depression

Sam Stone is a man worth remembering. May his name be for a blessing.

Karin
www.savvythinker.com

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Originally posted 2011-01-27 14:34:03.

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What a lovely song...

I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I get lost inside my tears...You're angry...You're angry...You're lost inside your tears, and there's nothing I can do.

Originally posted 2007-02-07 12:16:39.

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I need a certain amount of quiet time to function well. If I don't get it, life becomes too hectic, when it is busy already, or I find myself wakeful in the night, the only quiet time. Music can count as quiet time too. I'm finding as I have more of it in my day, it flows better.

I need to be replenished before I have anything to pour out.

I worried a bit with my littles being off this week for Spring Break -- and the irony of it not coinciding with College Girl's Spring Break which was a coupla' weeks ago.

But we have survived, and more than survived. We've had a nice mix of fun and play with work, which is about all you could ask for.

There is work that is work and there is play that is play; there is play that is work and work that is play. And in only one of these lie happiness. Gelett Burgess

I know it's possible, and sometimes I have done it, to have quiet time in the midst of everything going on around, a little pocket. Multi-tasking par excellence. But on a forever basis, this isn't really the best thing. It feels too rushed.

At times it seems like the moments I've set aside for myself are filled with interruptions. I remember reading about a minister who began his day by praying for his interruptions because, of course, he couldn't know what the demands on his time would be for a particular day with his congregation. This is true for ourselves in our own work too, but we don't always realize it. Sometimes I remind myself to do this, but generally it is after a particularly hectic day or hectic few days. Then I regain a balance again. Other times, it's a matter of teaching my children not to interrupt every 10 seconds, which they are pretty good about now, thankfully.

I laugh and say, if you want your kids to talk to you, just pretend you are on the phone! They come every time, from wherever they are with something very crucial to say.

Cherish your quiet time and make it happen. What do you do to replenish? (I don't think gym time counts as quiet time, but it does replenish. You can prove me wrong, however.)

Karin

March 28, 2007
Your Most Vital Commitment
Finding Time For You
Within each of us there is a well of energy that must be regularly replenished. When we act as if this well is bottomless, scheduling a long list of activities that fit like puzzle pieces into every minute of every day, it becomes depleted and we feel exhausted, disconnected, and weak. Refilling this well is a matter of finding time to focus on, nurture, and care for ourselves, or "you time." Most of us are, at different times throughout the day, a spouse, a friend, a relative, an employee, a parent, or a volunteer, which means that down time, however relaxing in nature, is not necessarily "you time." Though some people will inevitably look upon "you time" as being selfish, it is actually the polar opposite of selfishness. We can only excel where our outer world affairs are concerned when our own spiritual, physical, and intellectual needs are fulfilled.

Recognizing the importance of "you time" is far easier than finding a place for it in an active, multifaceted lifestyle, however.... You may discover that you are energized by creative pursuits, guided meditation, relaxing activities during which your mind can wander, or modes of expression such as writing.

Even if you have achieved a functioning work-life balance, you may still be neglecting the most important part of that equation: you. "You time" prepares you for the next round of daily life, whether you are poised to immerse yourself in a professional project or chores around the home. ...it ensures that you are never left without the energy to give of yourself. Daily OM

Originally posted 2007-03-30 07:16:54.

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I couldn't resist sharing this quote, with permission. He was speaking about marriage, but I think it applies to any relationship. It was a truism that made me smile, as he often does.
Karin

It's the most frustrating thing in marriage when you realize that your spouse is not understanding not only where you are coming from but where you are going to.

Alien January 2, 2007 at IAT

Originally posted 2007-01-05 09:02:15.

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I miss Erma Bombeck's outlook on life. She always made me laugh. And somehow in that laughter there were truisms.

Here's a funny essay on marital bliss/discord. It's not by Erma Bombeck, but it made me laugh out loud.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-01-31 08:02:17.

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I've been thinking about Owen Wilson lately with sadness, as I imagine many of us have been.

I think at one time or another in our life most of us have secret sorrows, where our public persona is different than/from our private persona. And our thoughts may be far different than most people observing us from outside would expect.

It's so important to have a support team!

Sometimes it is not the folks we thought might help us who are the ones who actually do. That's an interesting observation too.

Is there someone you can confide in? someone who is in your corner? who will keep your confidences? someone (maybe a different someone) for whom you are their support team or on it? is there someone you can encourage to have a support team (and maybe you are that someone -- maybe you need to remind yourself that you are the one who is in need of a support team and that you should not delay?)

It's hard to let down the mask sometimes, to let someone in, or find an activity that supports you, whether it is church or temple, Weight Watchers, Curves, the Internet, the gym, an exercise buddy, a book club, art lessons, a knitting shop, or etc.

What is it that stands in the way of reaching out? depression? feeling (wrongly) unworthy or unloved? feeling, at least for the moment, that it is hopeless, that there is no help, or that no one would or does understand?

Do you know what gives you comfort if you feel down? a cup of tea? convo with a friend? window shopping? having more quiet time? pacing your tasks at home better? getting help? realizing you can't do it all and figuring out a better way to do it? doing something to lessen anxiety, stress or tension? getting out in nature? making sure you or your life doesn't get out of balance with too much running around and not enough thought?

If you are a caregiver, it's important to let others share some of the tasks. Do you have a someone? or several someones? are you able to let them do it their way, to give them the space to help, even if it is different than the way you might do it? (who cares, if it shares the burden?) do you feel people would judge you if you didn't do it all?

Do you have someone who counsels you in some manner -- and do you listen? (Not all counselors are equal -- some we would do well not to listen to.) A pastor? a therapist? a peer? a coach? a spiritual adviser? someone who's BTDT and is farther along the road than you are?

Do you have a book -- or several books -- that you turn to consistently for solace and support? (Would you share here?)

Do you notice if things don't seem right around you? are you open to intuitively knowing if someone is hurting? how do you know when to speak up or just to support silently? at what point would you feel it is imperative to 'interfere' or even do an intervention? are you deepening your level of friendships (and your compassion) so that someone might confide in you if they were in need?

Do you have a support team? do you need one? (we all do)...are you ready if you suddenly had a need you weren't expecting? is it already in place? could you strengthen it in some way?

Do you have a support team? have you ever had to call in your cards and use it?

Karin

Originally posted 2007-09-02 12:53:37.

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Suzanne Brockman writes several series. This book is from her Troubleshooter's series, stories of US Navy Seal Team Sixteen. Each book details the story of another member of the team, as well as intertwines the characters more and more.

I'm not sure if this is the first book, but it's a good place to start. I have liked some of the stories more than others, but I like the concept.

I picked this book up again recently and found myself rereading it, something I rarely do.

From Suzanne Brockman's website:

After a near-fatal head injury, U.S. Navy SEAL Lieutenant Tom Paoletti catches a terrifying glimpse of an international terrorist in his New England hometown. When he calls for help, the Navy dismisses the danger as injury-induced imaginings. In a desperate last-ditch effort to prevent disaster, Tom creates his own makeshift counterterrorist team, assembling his most loyal officers, two elderly veterans of the Second World War, a couple of misfit teenagers, and Dr. Kelly Ashton -- the sweet "girl next door" who has grown into a remarkable woman. Once known as the town’s infamous bad boy, Tom has always longed for Kelly. Now he has one final chance for happiness, one last chance to win her heart, and one desperate chance to save the day....

HERO: Lt. Tom Paoletti, U.S. Navy SEAL Commander
HEROINE: Dr. Kelly Ashton, pediatrician
LOCATION: Baldwin’s Bridge, Massachusetts

You can call these romance books with a twist. The twist is, of course, saving the day.

In this book, various voices narrate the action. I particularly liked this. It was believable and not just a writing device. It actually allowed the reader to catch glimpses of the inner persons. And woven through the book are the narrations of a romance and heroic actions during WWII in France. These actions have direct bearing on the circumstances in the book.

There is to be a ceremony honoring the hero of Baldwin's Bridge (Tom's uncle -- and until this point in time Tom never knew of the actions of his uncle in OSS) -- and his uncle plans to give an interview to a reporter detailing the real hero (Kelly's father.)

The characters rise to the occasion, get the bad guy(s), save the day, fall in love -- what more could you want from a story.

And the romance develops over a slow pace -- the entire book -- with a lot of stream of consciousness and flirting and some serious, but not crude, sex.

Tom has been told that his kind of head injury may result in paranoia. And he has bad headaches throughout the book.

When he first catches a glimpse of the man he strongly believes is the Merchant, he recognizes the odd way he puts his backpack on his shoulders. He has altered his appearance some, if indeed it is the Merchant. Tom feels it is his duty to report this sighting, but it is not well received. No legitimate source of intel has anything, but the fact that it is believed the Merchant died of his injuries in the last encounter.

Tom continues to catch glimpses of him -- as well as the tattoo that members of the Merchant's team use to identify themselves.

But has he seen him or hasn't he? Does he just imagine there is danger when there is not? Even though paranoia usually means thinking that only oneself is in danger, whereas here he sees the possibility of others' being in danger, he must decide if he should pursue following this lead, even if it means he could be medically discharged from the Seals.

He calls in as many of his trusted team as he can, making them know it is not an order, that they are acting on their own time (vacation.) Good thing he did too.

The action gets very fast paced at the end where they must find the bomb and save the day.

Have you read any of Brockman's books or series?
Which is your favorite? This is one of mine. I kept putting it down so as to savor the finish.

Karin

Originally posted 2009-06-28 10:22:39.

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To say, my fate is not tied to your fate, is like saying, your end of the boat is sinking. Hugh Downs

Forgiveness is not an elective in the curriculum of life. It is a required course, and the exams are always tough to pass.
Charles Swindoll

These two quotes happened to be side by side in my miscellaneous quote file. I thought, I think they look like they could go together. So I've been thinking of them that way. I'm not sure how to tie them in so it would make sense if your thoughts weren't following the same path. It's easier for me to see it, than to write it.

Maybe it's just the syncretism I see in tying them together. If all parts are necessary for the whole, then it stands to some sort of reason that we need all parts, that we are not as separate as we think.

I think we all learn forgiveness, but I'm not sure all-forgiveness is possible in this life (or maybe even a goal.) We do what we can with what we have, and throw some grace in that makes things possible that are not ordinarily possible, and that's about all I can say about that. And somehow our fates are tied together, forgiveness or not. The required course is tough, but a passing grade is all that is required, not perfection. I think passing can be a sliding scale depending on what we are dealing with, do you? Mercy and grace cover a multitude of falling short of the goal, when we are still doing our best to see our way through.

And somehow, it makes me think, today, of the last HP book in the series. Maybe not the forgiveness part, but the entwined fates part. And how much friendship can make our path easier, even if it is hard.

And it made me laugh to think of only one end of a boat sinking. As if!

Karin

Originally posted 2007-07-20 16:55:20.

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What is said in the chair, stays in the chair. My hair stylist.

To have a friend, you have to be one. Karin

Yesterday I found myself thinking about what constitutes friendship. Why are we just naturally drawn to some and not to others? Is it because we are alike and have similar interests or are thrown together because of life's events, regardless of similarities or not, or because we are different, so have something to add to each other, or ... or all of the above? And what is friendship, anyway?

A couple of friends have recently come back into my life, which is evidence of life's serendipities. Live long enough and who knows what good things are in store! One calls me frequently; the other sends me forwards by email. (Email is such a blessing!) One has come into (and out of) my life several times. The other I had not heard from since high school.

I think perhaps the hardest time to make or keep friendships is when we are in high school. It is a kind of closed microcosm. Parents need to be aware of the milieu their kids are in. Even college is an easier time, at least if you are in a big school like I was. But once we are adults, we can pick and choose our friends from different areas and walks of life. We aren't limited by lack of transportation. And now cell phones and email and email lists make keeping up so much easier. I have made some good friends online, some of whom I've met in RL.

Later, when I got my hair cut, I asked my hair stylist about her thoughts on friendship. At one point she said, laughing, "What is said in the chair, stays in the chair." Missing a beat, she said, "It's a take-off on Las Vegas." I said, laughing with her, "I know, I caught the reference." It was so funny to me. I would never have thought about it for a hair stylist, but I have heard more than once that stylists are confidants to their clients. So it should be true of all hair stylists -- and friendships.

I think it goes almost without saying that a friend should keep confidences and be trustworthy.

She went on to say:

A friend should be non-judgmental. At one point I was having trouble with my son, and a woman I considered a good friend was very judgmental. I had kept quiet about a lot of things because I would not have wanted to hurt her.

Yes, at least friends should be able to share, even if they don't think alike on all things.

I read once, and it made an impression on me:

Women make the mistake of thinking friendly is friendship. A man never does. Author unknown

I thought at the time that it was thought provoking. I consider myself a friendly person. But I'm cautious when it comes to letting a new person in as a close friend. I suppose I have a self-protective streak. It's the old adage: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Another friend said:

Friendship can be anywhere on a scale from just short of an enemy to a best friend.

Most people are acquaintances, not friends. I call them friends, but I do know the difference in levels of friendship.

There should be some measure of love in a reciprocal form. It's not as good, if it is more one-sided.

It takes some time and work to open or maintain a friendship.

There should be some regularity in contact, even if years intervene between times. That seems like an oxymoron, doesn't it. Yet I have some friends who live a long distance from me, and whether our contact is once a year, or more or less frequently, the love is there bridging over the gaps even if specifics of life are not known on a day to day basis. And we visit as we can.

Friends should wish each other well and want the best in life for each other.

I never really gave too much thought to how to start a friendship. They just seem(ed) to happen. But I saw an adult make a friend once. She had moved to a new area and called another woman repeatedly until a friendship developed. Over time, she broke down any resistance. I saw the same thing happen with a new 6th grade girl who wanted to break into what she considered the top crowd, when my oldest daughter was in 6th grade. Persistence won the day. It was almost funny to watch. At that age I wouldn't have had a clue. I likely don't have a clue today, because I probably would move on to another person or group.

What do you think about friendship?
What's important to you in friendship? What makes a good friend a good friend or a best friend a best friend?

And when do you know a friendship is over? That's a topic for another post.

I suppose in one sense, my closest friend is God. There aren't any secrets.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-02-20 12:14:15.

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