There is a famous prayer often called the Serenity Prayer. Sometimes we simply have to accept what is, while we work it out in thought and prayer, trying to figure out what is the difference between what we must accept and what we must try to change.
Waiting for a Chinese adoption right now falls into this category. But so do a lot of other things.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
–Reinhold Niebuhr
In letting go, we release our mental pictures of how things should turn out and accept what the universe brings us. We accept that we don’t really know how things should be. (p 186)
…surrender [is] a choice, and … it [does] not mean giving up… When we surrender, we accept it just as it is…to see that we always have choices, in every situation, is surrender. To turn away from a situation is to give up. To turn into it is surrender. (p 188-189)
Sometimes we have to turn into the wind in order to take advantage of it. The wind is going to blow anyway. The question is what are we going to do while it does?
…conditions may never change, which makes us victims of their not changing. To say, ‘I will only be peaceful if such and such happens’ is pretty limiting…I’m not talking about accepting everything that happens. If you don’t like the television show you’re watching, you don’t have to surrender to it — change the channel.
…I’m talking about situations we have decided are insurmountable obstacles to happiness….Surrendering into life as it is can be the quickest and most powerful way to get the lesson out of the situation. You can’t change your bad childhood, but you can have a good life… you can stop wasting your time and energy [on things that won't change]…[it] doesn’t mean that life is over.
…if happiness is possible tomorrow, it is also possible today. If love is possible tomorrow, it is possible today. (p 188-193)
If we have to get through a situation in order to get to the other side, then we simply have to do it, a day at a time, making each day count as best we can, making choices for happiness even as we walk the path. Nobody can tell you what works for you, but you can find it for yourself. Don’t let a day go by without finding some happiness in it. Take a moment to notice the good things around you.
…live every day to its fullest. When was the last time you really looked at the sea? Or smelled the morning? … to see the stars… to gaze out on the ocean. Many of us live near the ocean but never take the time to look at it. We all live under the stars, but do we look up at the sky? Do we really touch and taste life, do we see and feel the extraordinary, especially in the ordinary? (p 224)
There are wonderful moments waiting in this day. Go for it!
Thinking about grieving I heard possibly the most helpful thought for me about grieving at a friend's funeral. The priest made the statement: The last act of love we perform is grieving. Father Tobin I've never heard anyone...
Seeing the present moment as a sacrament Maybe, I put blinkers on, but I can't remember any miserable times in my life. I see the present moment as a sacrament. It's all about sacrament -- eating, conversing, being with friends, telling a...
Living a passionate life What is the purpose of this life? Do you keep living until you have had all the best experiences? When is life complete? How many years would you want to keep living? Or do you...
Empathy, hope, faith, cynicism, doubt, pessimism (book) The other day walking through the library quickly, several book titles leapt out at me. The author of this book shares out of his practice and his life. He was a psychologist, on the faculty...
Thinking of an adoptee's rejection by her APs "In every dispute between parent and child, both cannot be right, but they may be, and usually are, both wrong. It is this situation which gives family life its peculiar hysterical charm." - Isaac Rosenfeld...
To Lease or Not To Lease Since the option of leasing a new automobile became a reality there have been many arguments over whether it is better to lease or buy...
The Rise of Man By Elizabeth Towne Nautilus Magazine - November 1914 THE FALL of man was the fall into consciousness of things as substance. The evolution of man...
linkling end of the earth edition I spent about 6 weeks once living in Vladivostok, Russia. Look it up on a map. It's in the middle of nowhere. Literally. In between...
farewell new jersey New Jersey, farewell - I'll miss a few things, and won't miss many others. I've lived in a few states in this Union: in order,...
Be Happy Together Many women interest how to return the husband? And whether is it possible? To return the husband it is possible. After all to the woman...
A dear friend of mine shared this story with me and has given me permission to share it.
Stunned
I was having fun with my younger daughter who is Chinese (barely four and not all that verbal) and I said, “HOW did I get so lucky as to get a great baby like YOU?” And she replied, “Because you’re rich”.
I wanted to say something ever so appropriate, but I was stunned into silence. Because…she’s right. I don’t THINK she could possibly understand the socio-political implications of it all, but where did THAT come from? (“Rich” is not a term we’d ever use to describe ourselves, but certainly her birth parents or the nannies at the orphanage would.)
Then a minute later she asked if I would still be happy when she was grown up.
This was a “me in front seat driving, her in back seat” conversation. Our older Chinese daughter used to love to drop heavy questions on me when she was in car seat, I guessed because I couldn’t make eye contact or pre-plan a response, plus we were alone, as my younger daughter and I were this time.
Kids are deeper than we ever suppose.
Our kids think about their lives much before many give them credit for it.
Remind someone Today, remind someone how vital it is that they are at home with you. If they live away, tell them how important it is that they have a home in your heart. Helen Ramsey There...
Creating a multi-racial family through adoption I am rarely at a loss for words. Some in my family would argue I talk too much, have strong opinions on too many subjects. I recently met someone friends have been trying to hook...
Review: Guerlain Mon Précieux Nectar I consider myself very fortunate to have had the opportunity to sample and review Mon Précieux Nectar. It's no secret that Guerlain is probably my favorite perfume house, though I have others represented in what...
Poignant comments by kids Trying to resurrect this conversation: Just prior to having Chinese New Year dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, our 10 year old said something to the effect: I'm Chinese, right? [Yes.] Then she remarked...
Working Replica of Noah's Ark Opens SCHAGEN, Netherlands (April 28) - The massive central door in the side of Noah's Ark was thrown open Saturday - you could say it was the first time in 4,000 years - drawing a crowd...
How to Become Prosperous the Easy Way For many, the concept of prosperity is foreign and unreachable. If you are stuck in a dead end job or your bills haunt your sleep,...
Migraines and Growing Old Ageing and Migraines Everyone will eventually age. Getting older means increasing vulnerability and susceptibility to illness, but it can also be a boon to migraineurs...
poor kid blues I was rich as a child. Just kidding. I wasn't. I lived in humble conditions in subsidized housing. My family was so poor we used...
14) Work to Mature the Way Adoption is understood in Our Society
–Much of our inability to believe adoption corruption exists begins with our society’s simplistic, AP centered, and mythic understanding of adoption. Adoption is mythically considered an always and absolute good. When adoption is seen in more mature, realistic, and balanced ways, our society will start to realize that adoption, like almost everything else in life, can be used for good or ill (to help or to exploit and harm). Adoption is a good only when used and practiced responsibly with an understanding of what it is and what is it is not; the good that it can be, but also the real inherent losses that it causes.
–As in all things, educating yourself is first. Seek to understand adoption as an elephant surrounded by blind men. Our society believes and acts as if the only valid perspective on adoption comes from the blind man standing in the position of adoptive parent. That blind man is given a megaphone and all
others (very valid others who stand around the majority of the elephant) who have different perspectives are ignored, greeted with skepticism, and/or silenced. Learn to see adoption from the perspective of other blind men-adoptees, birth families, those hurt by adoption, the big picture, the
historical perspective, etc.
–join IAT :0) [and/or Discuss-IAT] and encourage others to join; listen and learn. Be willing to change and mature your perspective.
–read adoptee memoirs, blogs, and stories
–read books on adoption history and practice
–read criticisms of intercountry adoption including those that see intercountry adoption as a continuation of neocolonial practices and an outgrowth of the evils of globalism; seek to understand the racial aspects and the first world/third world power inequities of intercountry adoption.
–read first mother blogs, accounts, and stories
–seek out stories that show other sides of adoption
–from all of these form a more realistic understanding of adoption.
–Remember this: It is always easy to recognize the injustices of another time and place; the hard thing is to recognize the injustices of your own time and place. In every time and place where injustice has been condoned/ignored/allowed to thrive by society there has been a worldview and a simplistic uni-blind-man mythology that makes injustice look just, especially for those who benefit from it. It is easy to shift blame, make problems into non-problems, injustices into non-issues, and ignore massive problems. It is harder to take a stand against the zeitgeist and be a flea or a lion biting against injustice. Reform begins with understanding the view from somewhere other than society’s single approved blind man. It starts when people begin to recognize that there are other human beings involved — people as human as themselves. People who have the same emotions, the same hopes, and the same dreams — and who feel pain in the same way and for the same reasons as themselves — when we start to care about the way the world looks from the perspective of those other equally human beings. Not just the way WE think the world looks from their perspective (in our minds), but the way it IS from their experience and perspective. When we GIVE THEM VOICE and LISTEN TO THEM.
–Whenever you see adoption being portrayed in a simplistic, AP centered, uni-perspective, mythic sort of way, speak up and share a different perspective.
How to create a service environment I'd like to meet this Captain, wouldn't you! "Serve with passion," -- indeed! Here's a story to make your day happier: When I wrote the book, Customer Love, I shared this story about Captain Denny...
Adoption Corruption 12) Educate yourself on the International Documents... 12) Educate yourself on the International Documents that are applicable to International Adoption: --"The Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC)" --"The Convention on the Rights of the Child Optional Protocol (Sale of Children)"...
Ni hao, Kai-Lan IHappy This is a great story about a Chinese adoptee who was chosen to be the voice of Kai-lan. Don't miss the rest of the story. Hearing what her adoptive mother has been through and seeing...
Review: Guerlain Boisé Torride Boisé Torride is a powerhouse of a fragrance. In some ways it reminds me of Paloma or of Estee Lauder's Knowing. It starts off with a bang and hours later ends up with a sigh...
Creating a multi-racial family through adoption I am rarely at a loss for words. Some in my family would argue I talk too much, have strong opinions on too many subjects. I recently met someone friends have been trying to hook...
Around the World in 80 Rounds By David Wood One part travelogue, one part golf diary, the result is a book that is all fun. If you enjoy reading humorous accounts of both travel...
Interesting Facts: Volume 1 [/caption] WORLD FACTS Who Made The Marree Man? facts 60 km out of the town of Marree in South Australia, there is the figure of...
Real Stories of Law of Attraction Success [/caption] The Law of Attraction is a high sounding theory until you see how it works for real people. That's when you find these principles...
Daily Kos: Bush opens mouth, inserts foot Read the below from Daily Kos and see if you can pick out the problem... Today, at a presser, this exchange happened with Peter Wallsten...
6) Hold non-profit adoption agencies accountable for how donations and money for “humanitarian projects” are spent. Demand an accounting.
–Research sending country non-profit agencies’ financial statements on-line and understand where the money from fees and donations goes. Ask about anything that doesn’t make sense.
http://www.guidestar.org/
–”Donations” and money for “humanitarian projects” can represent sizeable amounts of money, especially after they are converted into foreign currency and understood in the context of the sending country. This money, when not used as reported can easily become the incentive for corrupt, fraudulant, and illegal adoption practices. (If you want to know how easily such donations are diverted and how no one is currently keeping track, watch the video, What Really Happened in Cambodia by US Special Agent Richard Cross: ) KNOW WHERE THE MONEY GOES. Hold agencies accountable.
–If agencies claim to have a “humanitarian project,” ask for an accounting of how funds are spent within that program. Ask specific questions until you understand how things work and where the money goes. If an agency has a “humanitarian feeding program” what does that mean? Does it mean that they hand out a dozen cupcakes to passersby on a deserted corner once a year or does it mean that they have an ongoing commitment to hand out 20 pound bags of vital protein like legumes to 100 impoverished and pre-qualified families on the first day of each month in such and such a village and they’ve been doing it for 10 years now? Who can verify that this is so? The label “humanitarian project,” should not be allowed to be a vague hiding place for the lack of accountability.
–Agencies have legitimate costs in doing business. Everyone understands this and no one should lose sight of that fact. However, agencies, as all businesses, must be held accountable for their handling of money. This is especially true in the international context where foreign exchange rates change large amounts of money into enormous fortunes and where the agency stands in the gap between enormous power and economic divides. Agencies MUST act responsibly.
–Refuse to cooperate with illegal practices. Refuse to accept obviously bogus explanations. Where something looks and smells fishy, it often is. For example, when we are told as AP’s that we must give a mandatory “voluntary” donations—come on, it’s an oxymoron and yet we as AP’s go along with such nonsense. When in doubt, go to the appropriate NGO’s or authorities and ask….does this seem a little
fishy to you too…?…
Creating a multi-racial family through adoption I am rarely at a loss for words. Some in my family would argue I talk too much, have strong opinions on too many subjects. I recently met someone friends have been trying to hook...
Surprise! (Not) Your manager matters Anybody who's ever had a bad manager, knows it's true that your manager counts. Keeping up with ideas -- Do you? I like to keep up with ideas in the business world (ex-IBM'er) as well...
Review SCA Wrinkle Filiment FiberFill and Firm Another mouthful for a name! And this was a gift to me from a friend also. WFFF $26.50 This product reminds me of one by La Prairie, but a whole lot less money. LP's is...
Adoption Corruption 8) For AP's--Join online groups... 8) For AP's--Join online groups like Adoption_Agency_Research and learn and participate. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Adoption_Agency_Research/ (The Adoption Agency Research Group was formed to help prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) in their research and selection of an international adoption agency....
Simply Forties posts the Friendship Edition Carnival A big thank-you to Simply Forties for hosting this week's Carnival of Debt Reduction! She's put together a very friend-friendly Carnival in honor of International...
Stashing Your Cash If you want to access your money quickly, where do you put it? Where do you hide your emergency fund, in a cookie jar, a...
Start Saving Money Today Here are five ways that you can begin to save money, beginning today. Americans are not saving enough money in this day and age to...
Because I enjoyed Tess Hudson’s Double Down so well, I wanted to read this one. If you remember, Double Down was a romance about a young woman overcoming her addiction to gambling. There were some darker images in it involving uncovering a mystery about drugging a football player (her new romance) in order to predict a game.
I don’t know what I expected from Invisible Girl. Perhaps it was something psychological about a teen? It was not what I expected.
Invisible Girl’s prologue starts in the middle of the story. It unfolds in flashbacks to Vietnam and the Vietnam War, not chronological, superimposed on present day. It is very well written. I finished it pretty much in one sitting. I couldn’t put it down.
I think Hudson captures the time of the war, as well as the feeling that there are a lot of things we will never know about or that are deliberately hidden from us. She tells us that she was befriended by a Vietnam-era veteran who taught her about writing, art, and faith and showed her a side of the war she hadn’t glimpsed in the news broadcasts from her childhood.
She uses that to good advantage here. I cannot check her facts, but I can attest that she captures the feel of that time of war perfectly. And the feel of many of the returning soldiers.
She moves effortlessly from the battlefield to deep love; from rape to the babylift; from the soldiers to the highest echelons of politics and a powerful family; from the family of soldiers to the family of one of them; from the harshest of betrayals to the depths of trust and love. Along the way she mingles Catholicism and Buddhism, as Maggie’s mother covers all the bases to protect her family. She succeeds in a way not foreseen, including her own death and the solving of a puzzle from the past wherein only bits of the puzzle are held by individuals in order to afford protection to her children.
I find myself thinking if only, if only she had taken others into her confidence, others that loved her, she would be alive and reunited with her daughter.
For those who are touched by the Vietnam babylift, this book offers a small insight into the pain corruption adds to adoption. At the same time, the woman who was adopted as a baby was deeply loved by her adoptive mother (and loved her too.) There is also reunion of the half-siblings.
Additionally, it was interesting to me how the young Vietnamese woman who gave birth after being raped by an American soldier named her daughter Tam, which means heart. She felt that when she prayed to Buddha, he conceived this child through her heart on her own, not through rape. I don’t know how realistic this is, but it was very touching to me. Having biological (and adopted) children of my own, I know how deep is the mother love, and how it is very often our heart.
Effecting mental change Experience makes us see an enormous difference between piety and goodness. Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) An open mind is a prerequisite to an open heart. -Robert M. Sapolsky, neuroscientist and author (1957- ) It might be...
I saw the Spring 2010 Trollbeads I finally got a chance to see the new Trollbeads. I had been wanting to for a while. I was a very good girl. I did not buy any of them. I just looked and...
How to create a service environment I'd like to meet this Captain, wouldn't you! "Serve with passion," -- indeed! Here's a story to make your day happier: When I wrote the book, Customer Love, I shared this story about Captain Denny...
Review: The Cost of Love by Drue Allen (no spoiler) One genre I generally will read is romantic suspense. It's a little softer than suspense, which hits too close to home for me now. Drue Allen’s first book, The Cost of Love, is romantic suspense...
Creating a multi-racial family through adoption I am rarely at a loss for words. Some in my family would argue I talk too much, have strong opinions on too many subjects. I recently met someone friends have been trying to hook...
A Tough Love Treatment Plan for Money Envy Money Envy Pervades Our Culture How much of your budget-busting, discretionary spending on entertainment, cars, clothes, electronics, and vacations is motivated by what you see...
How I Started Writing by Judith James, guest blogger and author of Highland Rebel. I think it’s safe to say that while not all readers are writers, all writers...
Collecting Vietnam War Memorabilia Finding collectibles that hail from a certain specific area is going to be an easy process if you know where to look and how to...
I Love Romantic Suspense! I just love romantic suspense. I love reading it and I love writing it. I feel like I've been talking about and reading contemporary romance...
13) During Adoption Crises, Avoid the Temptation to Undermine and Work Against Investigations, Enforcement, and Reforms.
– When the governments involved become convinced that there are illegal practices and slow or stop adoptions from a country, resist the temptation to push the governments to keep countries open to adoption.
–Instead, hold PAP’s hands and offer support that makes it clear that governments must be allowed to do what is necessary to stop corruption.
–Get involved in helping safeguard the immediate welfare of children caught up in these scandals.
–Receiving country governments are often forced to turn a blind eye and disregard blatant problems because AP’s push their governments so hard in order to keep the flow of children going. In turn, these
governments put pressure on foreign governments to keep children flowing freely. As a result, clean-ups are rarely followed through on. Everything is swept under the rug and the children keep coming no matter what.
–Governments have learned from past experience not to investigate adoption illegalities except in extreme cases where the embarrassment to not investigate exceeds the grumbling of the AP’s when they do investigate—which means hardly anything is investigated except in cases where AP’s lose money. This means that AP’s always ensure that it is open season for illegalities in adoption.
Something about the learning curve for adoptive parents The question was asked of APs something like this: why do you stick around a list that is tough to listen to because the adoptees tell it like it is? Here's one of the answers,...
Attachment and PTSD in adopted children I recently came across this article. It is well written article and informative to tuck into your arsenal of awareness. Some things that I would point out: **most of the diagnoses go hand in glove...
Working on oneself We APs are a solution to problems in some ways, but we then generate new & unnecessary problems. Same old. Keep reading & looking, China is working on it, I can best work on me....
The shame of Korea's orphan exportation I think it's important that we think about this and discuss it in some way, even those of us with Chinese children or soon-to-have Chinese children. It's not unusual for grown Korean adoptees (KADs) to...
Rape In Liberia This video is a reminder about the atrocities being commited against women or girls all over the world. We must stay vigilant. p.big {line-height: 140%}...
Landscaping Tools A good way for you to personalize your home and to really make it your own is to start and maintain a garden of your...
Avoiding Dangers in the Kitchen pt 1 Now is the perfect time to give your kitchen a good healthy inspection. There could be all kinds of hidden pitfalls and nasty foods that...
I like each of these. It’s a toss up which one is more appropriate for any given day.
Nurture hope, pack lightly, quell rumors… all speak to Chinese adoption at the moment, and to other things as well.
Be ready for the things life has to offer. Wait patiently, doing what you can today.
Until I no longer had a source for them, I used to give silver rings engraved with ‘hope’ to people, if they were going through deep waters. It was a visible way for them to know that someone cared. I wish I could find them again.
Master something made me laugh. Something! how difficult is that. It could be anything, no matter how small. Master anything. Find something that interests you and go with it.
Which of these speak to you today?
Karin
Accept differences
Be kind
Count your blessings
Dream
Express thanks
Forgive
Give freely
Harm no one
Imagine more
Jettison anger
Keep confidences
Love truly
Master something
Nurture hope
Open your mind
Pack lightly
Quell rumors
Reciprocate
Seek wisdom
Touch hearts
Understand
Value truth
Win graciously
Xeriscape
Yearn for peace
Zealously support a worthy cause
Renee Stewart
Discussing hope by Joan Borysenko I'm currently reading Fire in the Soul: A New Psychology of Spiritual optimism. Again, I got this from the library until I knew if I would like to own it. (I'm currently reading several of...
Respite care I think respite care begins with ourselves. We have to know (or seek to know) what we need, then take some steps, even baby steps, to find space in our lives for respite. We need...
Hard truths of adoption, told softly There are many hard truths of adoption, all of which our children own. After all, it is their story. And age appropriately we share with them so they have the knowledge they need to take...
Thinkin' about forgiveness and giving up resentment I woke the other morning thinking about forgiveness and asking/praying/thinking about how to give up any resentments that were lurking around...and trying to get a handle on it. I've heard it said that forgiveness is...
How adoption becomes part of the self, even into adulthood ...these issues are issues I deal with as an adult adoptee...issues do not stop with childhood/adolescence, no matter what researchers or adoptive parents might think. Because part of opening myself to this list [IAT] is...
Tips for Obese Dogs Dog obesity is a serious issue for any pet owner who wants to own an animal. Overweight dogs can die earlier in life, have severe...
We APs are a solution to problems in some ways, but we then generate new & unnecessary problems. Same old.
Keep reading & looking, China is working on it, I can best work on me.
We need the voices of Adult Adoptees, whether at the IAT yahoo site, or in a book, a lecture, a seminar. No one else cuts thru it as well. The stuff I demonstrate in talk & attitude, really exposes my bias & lack of understanding. Maybe I’m learning xyz, but oblivious of abc. I see what I see, but how much is way off in me that my kids will see?
How is it possible for experienced APs to avoid main issues, including preconceptions, while diving into dance- around- the-issue answers?
Gordon, Adoptive Parent (AP) with permission
Stabilizing your life: How Long Will it Take This comes from a Christian divorce recovery source, but I felt this applied to many situations in life, not just divorce. Sometimes we get to the other side only as we go through pain. It's...
Is it ever possible to have too many eye creams? Is it ever possible to have too many _____________? You fill in the blank. I know we talk at POL about how many perfumes are enough already. The sky's the limit with some things. Yesterday...
The real effects of adoption Ann Landers, or was it Dear Abby, had a column a number of years ago about parents who wished they'd never had children. The percentage was astonishingly high, I thought, and so did she. Mostly...
Learning styles How do you learn best? How do your children learn best, if you have children? When I think of learning, some part of me remembers Elle Woods in the movie Legally Blonde. She has a...
Money Saving Tips: 122 Ways To Trim Your Budget A while back All You Magazine offered to give away a few subscriptions to Frugal Dad readers. The rules for entering the contest were simple--leave...
Why Freelance Writing Could Work for You Freelance writing gives inspired individuals a way to turn their personal hobby into a way to make money. Freelance writing can be done by just...
–Don’t let PAP’s wander into danger with their rose-colored glasses on. Do your best to show them a more balanced, more mature view of adoption. Do your best to warn them of the problems in the country from which they intend to adopt. Warn them to avoid countries where corruption problems are rampant or those countries where problems are “coming to a head.”
–Commit yourself to PAP education more broadly. Be patient. Remember the goal. Be persistent and be kind. Remember yourself when you were a PAP.
What to Do About Adoption Corruption, overview What to Do About Adoption Corruption 1) Become educated about what's going on in IA. 2) Research the adoption related laws and regulations of a few sending countries. 3) Do ongoing research to understand the...
Leverage, new TV show We watched the premier of Leverage last night, which was almost commercial free. Starring Timothy Hutton and a group of others, it is similar to Ocean's 11, but as one review said, it was better...
Engaging your whole heart in life Thinking about grief here and one who is grieving...grief can be so deep, we haven't any idea how to climb out. Passage of time isn't always an answer. But being there for someone, can shorten...
3 Tips to Help Housebreak Your Puppy [/caption]When you get a new puppy for your household, sometimes the excitement of the moment can replace your concerns. But when it comes down to...
Practical Country Garden Landscaping Tips When you're planning your country garden landscaping, of course you'll want to think about your favorite flowers and shrubs and how they'll look together here,...
How To Be Sure Your Personal Ad Gets Noticed After much nail-biting and pacing, you’ve finally made the decision to join an online dating service. Now you face the seemingly monumental task of writing...
AARP Wants to Give Everyone a Life Tune-up You have to give the AARP credit. It is first and foremost a marketing machine. When it began, the AARP focused on actual retirees. Then...
Watch the interview, and listen to both Jerome interviewed and listen to her,
she’s been there since Nov 2007, but pay attention to both.
I know only a little about Kyung Lah, her career via the link below, but I
guarantee you, she is impressed by Jerome, she knows what it takes. Also,
guarantee you, regarding Enka, Jero-san is the real deal.
What if, one future day, my American Chinese-born daughters may one day wish to
move back to China for awhile as 20somethings? Will they be able to do well
enough as does Kyung Lah in Tokyo? She hasn’t finished her 2nd year yet. He’s
been there longer. Both receive their set of complexities. What might it be like
for my Daughters, if&when?
Can they be themselves and let it flow as does Jerome? He has peace.
What works is making friends, a kindred spirit or 2, happens when it happens,
then it might become home. Life is short, go when youngish.
Check out Jerome’s path, besides his whole life, his way of easing into it all–
Desire to be there.Connected,language study.Picturing it in his head.
Age 15– 2week trip
College exchange student, 3month stay.
Graduated, skills in his major, researched his job, moved there, ready to get
through the early weeks&months. Had a headache from thinking in Japanese for a
few initial weeks. Ha! He’s cool.
Please always respect Adult Adoptees from Western nations that have moved
overseas to birthcultures, to study,live&work there. Much respect to you all,
those of IAT, those one can follow via the web.
One might enjoy following Jane Trenka’s blog. Alot happening:
A little Chinese trivia from AWAD From: Moses Liang (yettie 163.com) Re: A.Word.A.Day--calvous Here in China, every second day of the second month of the Chinese Lunar Year (falls today [March 20]this year, the year of the Golden Pig), in most...
Jero's poetry Part 3 Also from Gordon: Poetry time, Enka style--the English lyrics for a Jero song Umi Yuki: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0PXabEN88A&feature=related Jero - Umi Yuki - english lyrics JERO - Snow In The Sea (Umi Yuki) or, Ocean Snow From...
The power of gratitude (short film) Learning to Dance in the Rain is a short film from Simple Truths. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to...
The best of the best for 2009 2009 was a good year. Any time one's health is good, and that of one's family and friends, it is a good year. Then throw in a few good times, a lotta good perfumes, some...
Jero singing Enko part 1 Thanks to my friend Gordon: Joozu da na, Jerome san. Natsukashii mo. Umi Yuki - Jiro Music Fair (12 Apr 2008 ) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w9t8TuF2Eo&feature=related Jero - Echigojishino Uta His story in the news. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/music_enka_star Japanese enka...
ATP World Tour: Robby Ginepri The $519,000 ATP World Tour 250 in Indianapolis, United States of America, running from the 19th of July, 2009 until the 26th of July, 2009...
Off for the Day - Health Blogs That I Read Today is Saturday and I am taking the day off. No working out, not blogging. Just chilling, watching college football, and possibly playing some Monopoly....
Barron's on P2P Lending Barron's has just published an online article on p2p lending. You need to be a subscriber to read it here: At Last, a Bank of...
I came across this quote after I was thinking about what dreams the older women might have held or what the younger women expected from life. I loved the idea of nourishing and protecting our dreams, nursing them through bad days.
Not every dream comes to fruition effortlessly. Some take a good deal of patience and perseverance to bring to life.
Are you holding onto a dream, perhaps in the face of naysayers? One thing for me, was waiting on our first adoption from China. It took a lot, and a lot of time, before it came to pass. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to happen.
Karin
All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter’s evening. Some of us let our dreams die, but others nourish and protect them, nurse them through bad days till they bring them to sunshine and light, which always come to those who sincerely believe that their dreams will come true. Woodrow Wilson
A little bit about patience I've been thinking that some experiences take patience to the nth degree. Current estimates for new Chinese adoptions are running into the 2 yrs to 36 mos range. I thought our wait of 18 mos...
Neil Morris Fragrances, Part 2 his bespoke fragrances I could tell how much Neil loves creating perfumes by his gentle enthusiasm when he spoke with me. He is knowledgeable and enjoys sharing his gift with others. He speaks plainly but in layman's terms,...
Living life in the moment If we could only find the courage to leave our destiny to chance, to accept the fundamental mystery of our lives, then we might be closer to the sort of happiness that comes with innocence....
Meet the Robinsons, movie review College Girl saw this film on Friday night and called to say we needed to see it as it is so cute and well done. Meantime, I've heard at another list that one parent didn't...
VH1: A Train Wreck But I Love You! I am a huge fan of television. Probably to a fault. But that's ok, at this point in my life I am very happy spending...
The Alpha Male Mentality In nature the attraction between mates is determined by a philosophy of survival of the fittest. The mate that is chosen is the one that...
Sometimes Life Is Like A Dream In our lives we live through good dreams and bad dreams. We hope that most of our days will be filled with good days but...
There are many hard truths of adoption, all of which our children own. After all, it is their story. And age appropriately we share with them so they have the knowledge they need to take into the world with them.
And some things may turn out to be unexpectedly difficult or hard for our children that we need to learn to wrap our heads around in order to walk the path with them.
Tonight, on the way to dinner, out of the blue, our 11 yo asked if we knew any information about where she was found. We have talked about this before, but tonight she was ready to listen at another level. I don’t know what sparked the question. She had spent time with a friend today, but she did not say they talked about anything. Perhaps it was just seeing someone in their birth family.
I remember the first time I used the word ‘abandon’ or ‘abandonment’ with my children. It was a hard word to get out of my mouth, but after a while, it becomes easier, just as it was easy to think in my thoughts.
I can’t count the number of times people have said to me things like: they don’t like girls in China — they abandon or kill their girls in China.
And I have asked them if they have ever been in China. (No.) The truth is something far different.
My girls have also had it said to them in school.
What good would it do them not to know the real facts or for me to gloss over them? They will grow up, and then they will know that I was not trustworthy.
The word appears on their paperwork.
We don’t know who did what, when or why. I believe God was there over all, leading us to each other. I do not believe God caused it. There are some things in life that are not easy to understand or may never be understood here. But we process it as best we can, looking through a glass darkly. Life is complicated and complex, not simplistic.
I have heard adult adoptees counsel not to say an adoption plan was made. After all, it wasn’t, not in the sense we use the phrase in the West. How can one equate abandonment with an adoption plan? (In some countries you do know the birth parents’ names, that is different.) I don’t even think the concept exists in China. It has only been recently than any kind of supposed push toward domestic adoption is taking place. And, so far as I know, these are not known to the person adoptions.
I have always told my girls the truth as we know it. I want them to come to me, knowing I will always tell them the truth vs. needing to ask someone else. (This goes for other things too like facts of life.)
And even though we talk about these truths often, there are moments when it is more meaningful to them, as far as their level of understanding.
So tonight we talked (again) about some of the known facts of Chinese adoption, as well as the gray areas where we do not have information, and we talked of the difference in culture.
One child has no information re place of abandonment. It was not required by our government at that time. The other does. But in our small group of adoptive families that went to the SWI that we adopted from, four families (two each) had identical finding information, which seems unlikely. The truth is not forthcoming.
What I considered cultural (a grandmother taking a child and forcing abandonment on the mother and/or father) is clearly kidnapping in our culture. (Yes! she said.) (And she said she could never do that. She’d feel too badly to cause so much hurt.) (And I said something like but remember we are raised to think differently.)
And I said, it’s very hard to admit we did something we wished we might not have, that caused us pain, expected or unexpected. I said, what if I had abandoned a child, and they found me and asked me later, what might I possibly say. (She said, you might say it was the grandmother.) (And I said, and in our case, my mother is dead, so you couldn’t ask her. So it might be hard in this life to ever know the real truth.)
And then we were at dinner…and there will be more moments to talk and share and process.
Keeping score in life This quote came across my computer this morning, and it got me to thinking about how we keep score(s) in life. Money is a way of keeping score in life, says T. Boone Pickens. But...
Jane Porter speaking about life I'm happy to share this online interview with Jane Porter. She was gracious to spend some time with us. I think you'll agree that she is a voice we'd like to hear more of. Jane,...
Parameters of spacing children Having one child is like having one child. Having two children is like having 3. The two children and the relationship between them. Having three kids is like having 6! The three children and the...
David McClure on a senior moment I thought this was too funny. I hope it makes you smile. Find it here where you can find other columns he has written. Karin David McClure of McKinney: A senior moment ... at 48?...
Comparing Life Insurance Policies pt 4 Speaking of Variable Universal Life Insurance… What are the disadvantages of this type of insurance? As we said before, if you experience a significant drop...
We Have The Remote We have lives. We have a need and not only that. We have a desire to work if only the literal sense of doing something. Yet...
What Determines a Credit Score pt 1 Here is some basic information on what you need to know about credit scores and what goes into determining your credit score. What is responsible...
conversation bit yesterday with dd age 8.5 while talking about China parents.
“you really don’t feel like my real moms”
“I understand why you feel that way. It’s ok to feel what you feel.We want you to know that you do feel like our real daughter”
“You kind of feel like my vice-moms. You know, when the real president can’t do the job then the vice president steps in?”
“hmmm…..that fits…”
I’ve thought about this for a couple of days. the “vice mom” term really captures some complexity I think.
wanda
vice mom in charge of cookies and friday-night-family-dance-party
from IAT, with permission
A Mom Without a Baby I loved this new mom's description of desiring her new Chinese daughter. It's good when you are waiting to have a new story. Karin For so long I've been a mom without a baby, my...
Review Arbonne Revelage Arbonne's Revelage line targets areas of the skin that are darker to break them up, not only from the top, but from within so they are less likely to come to the surface. This is...
What can you do during the interminable wait for an adoption? Right now, China has slowed their international adoption program down to a crawl. I lived this to a degree during our first adoption that took place in 1999, but while we waited, there wasn't any...
Mixing up your own shimmer powder Having trouble finding the post that has your glow powder recipe. Now that I've seen how fabulous you look in full harsh sunlight, I've decided to try some, too. --Natasha Thanks, Natasha, that's a wonderful...
10 reasons we don't use a product -- and why we do I've been thinking the last few days about facial and body products. And why. we. use. them. Or don't. Why we don't use them 10. We aren't knowledgeable. We have yet to hear about them....
Today I Lost My Best Friend, My Mom I'm writing this post at 4:07am, and just a couple hours ago my mom passed away at 54 years young. For those who have followed...
An Update on My Mom's Health I thought it might be a good time to take a break from frugal living, and provide an update on much more important matters. My...
How to Diet Without Feeling Like It's a Diet For many of us, dieting is a form of deprivation that is extremely difficult to handle. It's tough to get through the day when you...
The 11 Year-Old Pay Stub Today I'm beginning the slow process of returning to a normal schedule. I do have plenty to say, it's sitting down at the keyboard that's...
Of the families, 4 of the 5 would not be allowed to adopt due to the rules change currently in effect. I believe one of the caregivers is albino. She is in a picture bringing a baby, as well as there when the children return.
At least one family was told that records do not exist earlier than a few years back. I wasn’t clear if this was SWI records or the records of the sub-station.
I take the place of abandonment listed with a grain of salt, at least on the paperwork of one of our daughters. It wasn’t required at the time for our other daughter.
Juno, some spoilers, maybe Juno was recommended to me by a friend. I was told I'd like it, but I had my doubts. First, the subject of adoption, birth mothers, birth fathers, birth family, and desire for a child...
Kabul Beauty School: An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil Deborah Rodriguez has written a must-read book for those interested in other cultures and the fate of women world-wide. She has changed the names and stories, but the stories are true. I've wanted to read...
Staying on top of things We recently took a trip cross country to see family -- we had a lovely, lovely visit -- on American Airlines. Interestingly enough, we did not fly a single flight that we had booked and...
The adoption dimension "... adoptees see the "world" as an adoption issue...I look at it as losing another mother(father). Losing a parent during childhood is one strange theme to go through. But many of us keep losing mother/father...
A story of remission/healing I was telling a friend about another's diagnosis and how it is known to sometimes go into remission, even permanently. Here's what she wrote in reply: It really struck me what you said on the...
Internet Network Marketing Lies And More.. // Friends, Old School Network Marketing Is DEAD! The internet is filled with people who would lead you to believe that if you just get...
All that Hullabaloo with Kids' Parties Lisa McDonald Does the thought of a half dozen kids storming around your house with gooey fingers and buzzing on sugar make your head spin? Do...
Toby Dawson, US Olympic skier adopted from Korea, met with his Korean father for the first time which was detailed in an article, slideshow and video.
He set up a foundation in his name to help other children like himself not be caught up between two cultures.
No matter what the actual story of his loss in a crowded market by his mother entailed, his father has real remorse. Such a loss on so many levels cannot really be quantified.
Dads and sons -- Patrick Henry Hughes I know our son would tell you that his dad was the best. He gave his all and learned how to work the system to our son's best advantage. He spent hours with him perfecting...
Comme Une Image (Look at me) Comme Une Image is a delightful, interesting comedy of manners that won the best screenplay award at Cannes. It came into our area as part of a French Film Festival. The story centers around a...
Review: The Time Traveler's Wife Spoiler at the very far bottom. The Time Traveler's Wife is not a movie I would recommend. It's quite sad in many respects. It is not a happy, feel good movie, and while it makes...
Laughter and boldness I live by this credo: Have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. Even in your darkest moment, you...
Review Vitus (movie) Vitus is a charming movie, full of love, and I highly recommend it, if you have not seen it already. It is a slice of life I'd like to return to more than once. Beautifully...
Le Jardin Retrouvé and Yuri Gutsatz Le Jardin Retrouvé: was founded in 1975 by Yuri GUTSATZ (1914-2005), Perfume - Composer, who spent the greater part of his career working in one...
The Latest in Pro Tennis The number two world player, Roger Federer, beat Tommy Haas and got into the quarter finals in the French Open last week. This Swiss player...
How To Minimize Losses On The Forex Market? Money management is very important for trading on Forex. It has two main goals which are survival and prosperity. Every trader’s priority has to be...
Kids Say the Darndest Things v2 [/caption] From the Humor Files: Kids Say the Darndest Thing A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How...
Related Posts 
Thinking about grieving I heard possibly the most helpful thought for me about grieving at a friend's funeral. The priest made the statement: The last act of love we perform is grieving. Father Tobin I've never heard anyone... 
