Savvy Thinker » Resentment http://savvythinker.com thinking about life, playing with makeup Wed, 23 May 2012 15:58:02 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 50 ways to leave your lover, Paul Simon http://savvythinker.com/50-ways-to-leave-your-lover-paul-simon/ http://savvythinker.com/50-ways-to-leave-your-lover-paul-simon/#comments Wed, 23 May 2012 03:47:58 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/02/16/50-ways-to-leave-your-lover-paul-simon/
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    It's only fair to present the other side, after Valentine's Day. I always thought this song was clever.

    It might add a little humor to life if we thought of another word for lover -- perhaps job or resentment or anger or...we aren't stuck in unhappiness in life if we look for a way out. Sometimes that might even mean staying under new circumstances.

    Karin

    Originally posted 2007-02-16 07:59:39.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/50-ways-to-leave-your-lover-paul-simon/feed/ 0     Entwined fate(s) and forgiveness http://savvythinker.com/entwined-fates-and-forgiveness/ http://savvythinker.com/entwined-fates-and-forgiveness/#comments Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:20:51 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/07/20/entwined-fates-and-forgiveness/
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    To say, my fate is not tied to your fate, is like saying, your end of the boat is sinking. Hugh Downs

    Forgiveness is not an elective in the curriculum of life. It is a required course, and the exams are always tough to pass.
    Charles Swindoll

    These two quotes happened to be side by side in my miscellaneous quote file. I thought, I think they look like they could go together. So I've been thinking of them that way. I'm not sure how to tie them in so it would make sense if your thoughts weren't following the same path. It's easier for me to see it, than to write it.

    Maybe it's just the syncretism I see in tying them together. If all parts are necessary for the whole, then it stands to some sort of reason that we need all parts, that we are not as separate as we think.

    I think we all learn forgiveness, but I'm not sure all-forgiveness is possible in this life (or maybe even a goal.) We do what we can with what we have, and throw some grace in that makes things possible that are not ordinarily possible, and that's about all I can say about that. And somehow our fates are tied together, forgiveness or not. The required course is tough, but a passing grade is all that is required, not perfection. I think passing can be a sliding scale depending on what we are dealing with, do you? Mercy and grace cover a multitude of falling short of the goal, when we are still doing our best to see our way through.

    And somehow, it makes me think, today, of the last HP book in the series. Maybe not the forgiveness part, but the entwined fates part. And how much friendship can make our path easier, even if it is hard.

    And it made me laugh to think of only one end of a boat sinking. As if!

    Karin

    Originally posted 2007-07-20 16:55:20.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/entwined-fates-and-forgiveness/feed/ 2     Becoming sweet again http://savvythinker.com/becoming-sweet-again/ http://savvythinker.com/becoming-sweet-again/#comments Sat, 25 Jun 2011 09:49:03 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/03/01/becoming-sweet-again/
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    Make me sweet again, Fragrant and fresh and wild, And thankful for any small event. Rumi

    Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. -Gladys Browyn Stern, writer (1890-1973)

    It takes no more time to see the good side of life than to see the bad. Jimmy Buffet

    God cannot fill our glass if we cover it up. Author unknown

    Gratitude for the sweetness in life wherever it is found, while it may only be expressed in our thought, is never really silent. The angels hear. And it does ourselves good, because it focuses our thought on what is good in life. It helps us see a half-full glass in place of the half-empty one. I have to think that this spreads out to our dealings with others.

    I find it helpful to train myself to think along these lines. It doesn't always come easy. But I bring my thought up short, back into the alignment of noticing good around me.

    I think of a time recently when it was all I could do to move past anger. What helped me that day was listening to music until I could participate again.

    I refuse to become the caricature of a bitter old woman. There are too many good things in life to experience. I don't think a person wakes up bitter or angry one day. I think it happens little by little, as bitterness takes over more territory, as it becomes a habit in many, many occurrences over time. I don't intend to let it get a foot hold, if I have any say in the matter.

    Karin

    Originally posted 2007-03-01 08:01:02.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/becoming-sweet-again/feed/ 0     What grows in the garden of your heart? http://savvythinker.com/what-grows-in-the-garden-of-your-heart/ http://savvythinker.com/what-grows-in-the-garden-of-your-heart/#comments Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:39:38 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/06/25/what-grows-in-the-garden-of-your-heart/
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    I liked the progression of this quotation. Often one quality in thought leads to another, and it's difficult to get off the treadmill. So it is important what qualities are in our progression of thought, or our progressive steps might be blocked by qualities that don't allow a forward flow.

    I'm not always as quick as I'd like to be in stopping a thought, but I work at it daily. I don't think we have to think every thought that presents itself to our consciousness. We have a choice.

    I was taught as a child to stand porter at the door of thought and only allow those thoughts in that are helpful. It was the natural way for me to think, but I have a friend who had never heard of the concept and didn't know she had a choice in her thoughts, but of course, she knew she didn't have to act on everything she thinks.

    How about you? do you turn away thoughts or do you feel you have to think every thought that comes?

    Karin

    Hope is the seed of belief.
    Belief is the seedling of faith.
    Faith is the stem of forgiveness.
    Forgiveness is the flower of love.
    Love is the blossom of life.
    Author unknown but you can buy it at signals.com

    It reminded me of the progression in this quote:

    Phil4: 8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. KJV

    Originally posted 2007-06-25 08:23:50.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/what-grows-in-the-garden-of-your-heart/feed/ 2     Review: eat pray love by Elizabeth Gilbert http://savvythinker.com/review-eat-pray-love-by-elizabeth-gilbert/ http://savvythinker.com/review-eat-pray-love-by-elizabeth-gilbert/#comments Sun, 05 Jun 2011 13:50:14 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2009/02/10/eat-pray-love-by-elizabeth-gilbert/
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    A friend loaned me her copy of the book eat, pray, love, because she liked it so well and felt I would too. I knew by the first few pages that I wanted a copy of my own.

    It took me quite a while to work my way through the book, but in that way I could savor it. It's a rare book that is so enjoyable.

    Gilbert has a wonderful way with words.

    And the good news is that it is being made into a movie with Julia Roberts. That should be interesting! [edited: Here is my review of the movie -- it was interesting! I am currently re-reading the book after seeing the movie.]

    The book is her chronicle of searching across Italy (where she eats her way, while learning Italian), India (where she is in an Ashram searching for God, finding herself in silent devotion and in words and communion with others), and Bali (where she finds love and helps a woman buy a home.)

    Along the way we see her work through the angst of her difficult divorce. She moves from a sense of no belief to profundity. It is by turns funny, touching, endearing, sad...

    If you've read it, how did you like it?
    And if you haven't, treat yourself.

    I rate it 4 out of 4 stars.

    It is available for Kindle.

    Her second book is about marriage. I have not read it. This is the Kindle link:

    And, of course, now it is out as a movie with Julia Roberts.

    Karin
    previously published in August 2009

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    Originally posted 2010-08-18 08:00:36.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/review-eat-pray-love-by-elizabeth-gilbert/feed/ 0     Friendships between couples http://savvythinker.com/friendships-between-couples/ http://savvythinker.com/friendships-between-couples/#comments Wed, 27 Apr 2011 12:24:15 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/03/02/friendships-between-couples/
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    When 6 people all get along and count themselves friends, the angels are singing!

    I am blessed to have a group of friends like this. The women are all friends, as are the men. It's a nice mix of people. We have fun together; we commiserate together; we include each other's kids, grown or not, as the occasion arises; we laugh a lot; we simply care about each other.

    I count myself blessed.

    It all began when one of the women who worked for my husband wanted to meet me. So she and a good friend who also worked for my husband brought their husbands, and we met for dinner on a Friday night. The rest is history. From that small beginning multiplied over many Friday nights, we are friends.

    Whoo hooo!! That is something to celebrate!

    Happy Friday, Guys!

    Karin

    Originally posted 2007-03-02 07:58:15.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/friendships-between-couples/feed/ 0     Universal emotions http://savvythinker.com/universal-emotions/ http://savvythinker.com/universal-emotions/#comments Fri, 25 Mar 2011 12:29:08 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/03/02/universal-emotions/
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    I know anger is a universal emotion. But the juxtaposition of my short remark yesterday about dealing with my own angry anger was followed by receiving this message into my email box. I had to laugh. Again, I think this reaches way beyond the bounds of divorce, into universals.

    Defining Anger
    Day 59

    Dr. Les Carter says that having anger means standing up for your own worth, needs, and convictions.

    "You don't get angry when folks are kind, pleasant, or understanding. Anger shows up when someone has rejected you or is being uncooperative, or when a person is being critical, harsh, or difficult to get along with. When anger appears on the scene, it arouses your sense of self-preservation.

    "You want to preserve one of three things. You want to preserve your worth as a human being; your anger can be your way of wishing to say, 'Please, show me some respect, will you?' Anger can be your way of preserving your basic needs: 'Recognize that I have needs, and acknowledge them, please.' Or anger can be a way that you stand up for your deepest convictions. It is your way of saying, 'I believe in things, and I don't want to back away from them.'"

    You will feel anger at some point in your divorce. [You fill in the blank for whatever is making you angry. Karin] Do not try to deny or suppress this emotion. God does not condemn you for your anger when it is justified. God Himself is described as "slow to anger"--not "never angry."

    "And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, 'The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness'" (Exodus 34:6).

    Lord God, sometimes my anger is justifiable; sometimes it's not. Help me to be slow to anger, like You. Amen.

    For more information about DivorceCare, including how to sign up for these daily emails, please visit.

    I can't figure out if I have very little anger (because I hardly ever feel or express it) or if it is so sublimated and running so deep that I'd better get a handle on it. Who knows. I'm not going to waste any time over it. I imagine it's a bit of both. The Serenity Prayer comes in handy at times:

    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr

    It's a truism that progress happens because of discontent, even anger. Otherwise, we'd still be living in caves.

    A Bible verse I especially love is:

    Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath. KJV

    Karin

    I do not know about the workbook that is presented below as I have never seen it.

    Suggested reading from the DivorceCare HelpCenter

    The Anger Workbook
    Les Carter

    A 13-step interactive plan that explains how emotions and unmet needs can feed anger--and tells how readers can find healthy ways to express and control it. This unique workbook offers answers for anyone who struggles with destructive anger and wants to develop healthy alternatives for dealing with it. The only anger management program on the market that offers interactive exercises to help the readers understand and modify behavior.

    Go to the following link to order this or other resources from the DivorceCare HelpCenter:

    Originally posted 2007-03-02 07:59:20.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/universal-emotions/feed/ 0     Hey Good Looking by Fern Michaels http://savvythinker.com/hey-good-looking-by-fern-michaels/ http://savvythinker.com/hey-good-looking-by-fern-michaels/#comments Mon, 21 Mar 2011 22:34:56 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/?p=1083
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    I enjoyed this book by Fern Michaels. It is only the second one I've read by her.

    Central to the story are three sisters ranging in age upwards from 69. They were so funny to me, especially when they instigate a 'kidnapping' of sorts, which is really a rescue. I suppose what I like about them is that I want to be like them when I get to that point in life -- feisty, involved, loving, fun to be around, engaged in what is going on around them, taking care of their families. I wasn't enamored of the amount of drinking they did. And there is a brief mention of a child born and left to be raised in Japan.

    Alongside their stories (and two brief forays into romance for two of them) is the story of their grown niece, interwoven with the stories of the historical nature of where they live, as well as those who live in their neighborhood.

    Also central to the story is the subject of organ donation (which was done against the will of well-beloved character.) It ultimates in finding those who received the donations (by computer hacking) -- and ultimately redemption.

    It is a story of love, affirmation and good will, with a tidy ending, perhaps tidier than real life would be, but evidencing forgiveness.

    I think I enjoyed it as much for the older women and their relationship to each other as anything. In some ways they reminded me of a beloved grandmother. While there are difficult subjects tackled, they are tackled in a light way. Sort of like the substance of whipped cream. Not real satisfying, but an attempt to be deeper than the average romance novel.

    I give it a 2.5.
    Karin


    Originally posted 2008-08-13 14:53:12.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/hey-good-looking-by-fern-michaels/feed/ 1     Review: The Sari Shop Widow by Shobhan Bantwal http://savvythinker.com/review-the-sari-shop-widow-by-shobhan-bantwal/ http://savvythinker.com/review-the-sari-shop-widow-by-shobhan-bantwal/#comments Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:52:43 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/?p=7557
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    The Sari Shop Widow is a sweet story. I bought it for my Kindle.

    The Story
    Anjali Kapadia, an Indian-American, was widowed at 27, and it is now ten years later. She is immersed in her work and has sublimated much of her grief. She runs her parents' boutique in New Jersey's Little India, as well as designs much of what is offered. She does not recognize, really, how good her designs are.

    Unknown to her, the store is not solvent, mainly because of the number of competitors in the immediate vicinity who copy her ideas for less money, but also because she has overbought. She is shocked to find this out, to realize she has not watched the bottom line better, leaving that to her father.

    Of course, we would all like to have a rich uncle who can rescue us, who regularly rescues the family. She finds her father has contacted him, and he will show up in less than a week.

    She gets a second shock when her curmudgeonly uncle -- that everyone is afraid of who turns out to have mellowed some -- shows up with a very handsome man with light skin who has an Indian name.

    Why is he there?
    Well, he will rescue her too, in more ways than one. He has ideas to bring new life to the store, as well as eliminate the competition. And there is some mysterious connection to her uncle who treats him like a son, though he is not his son.

    In the meantime, he himself will be rescued from a life that is more sterile than he had seen it.

    The culture
    Anjali finds herself caught between familial duty and the needs of her own life and heart. She thinks she is too old to have the child/ren she would have wanted with her first husband, but her own mother had a child in her late 30's, so it is not impossible. And her hopes for a world wide business with her husband expired with him.

    She has conducted an affair with a bar owner in a nearby town, but truly she isn't satisfied by it, as she feels ashamed of her conduct and the secrecy of it, because of what her parents' reactions would be.

    The scents and tastes of Little India factor into the story on nearly every page. Some of the foods make your mouth water. And the descriptions of jewelry and clothes is also mouth watering.

    My take
    I give this book 4* out of 5*. It has a strong story, sweetly told of familial love within the Indian and Indian-American culture. The unfolding love story, as well as her family's extra concerns for her welfare because of the loss of her first husband, are nicely developed.

    If you have any background in retail, you will enjoy the added dimension of the retail business.

    Have you read it? or any other of the author's books?
    I will seek out her other books too, as I enjoy reading of the Indian culture.

    Buy: The Sari Shop Widow

    Buy: The Sari Shop Widow (Kindle edition)

    Karin
    www.savvythinker.com



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    It seems like everyone and their brother is jumping on the bandwagon with inspirational sayings. I was surprised this morning to see the words on the side of one of my girl's Marble Slab ice cream cup: Find happiness within. That was a good one! What a perfect reminder.

    It goes along with my not-complaining post from yesterday.

    Find happiness within sounds like a catch phrase. It might seem like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Instead, we might really have to fight for happiness and on the side of happiness to hold onto it -- or even find it.

    But it is worth it.

    If there isn't some happiness within, would we ever notice it without? If we are full of complaining (or anger or unhappiness or resentment or...) would we really notice the good around us? Would it make much of an impression?

    Maybe the word find gives us a clue that we might have to search for it. Or it might be that in looking for something else, we find happiness as a sort of surprise.

    I like the idea of being surprised by happiness!

    I hope you find yourself surprised by happiness today. Do something good for yourself that makes you happy.

    I'm going to look for it too so I recognize it when it lights.

    Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!

    And here's another company that has jumped on the band wagon: (New) Nivea Touch of Happiness Body Wash with orange blossom and bamboo essence. I haven't tried it. I just thought it was funny to run into an ad for it today after I wrote this.
    Karin

    Originally posted 2009-06-05 09:26:09.

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