Somebody passed this to me today, and I thought it was worthwhile to pass on.
Have you ever had a day when it just started out wrong and got worse? Or maybe it started out OK and went downhill from there. Yes, it’s a truism that we take ourselves with us wherever we go — and maybe we do contribute to the over-all sense of life we are experiencing.
But what if…what if…we could see what others are going through…what if…
Got it?
What if that made our day…what if when we reach out, our day changes and so does theirs.
I enjoyed this book by Fern Michaels. It is only the second one I’ve read by her.
Central to the story are three sisters ranging in age upwards from 69. They were so funny to me, especially when they instigate a ‘kidnapping’ of sorts, which is really a rescue. I suppose what I like about them is that I want to be like them when I get to that point in life — feisty, involved, loving, fun to be around, engaged in what is going on around them, taking care of their families. I wasn’t enamored of the amount of drinking they did. And there is a brief mention of a child born and left to be raised in Japan.
Alongside their stories (and two brief forays into romance for two of them) is the story of their grown niece, interwoven with the stories of the historical nature of where they live, as well as those who live in their neighborhood.
Also central to the story is the subject of organ donation (which was done against the will of well-beloved character.) It ultimates in finding those who received the donations (by computer hacking) — and ultimately redemption.
It is a story of love, affirmation and good will, with a tidy ending, perhaps tidier than real life would be, but evidencing forgiveness.
I think I enjoyed it as much for the older women and their relationship to each other as anything. In some ways they reminded me of a beloved grandmother. While there are difficult subjects tackled, they are tackled in a light way. Sort of like the substance of whipped cream. Not real satisfying, but an attempt to be deeper than the average romance novel.
To say, my fate is not tied to your fate, is like saying, your end of the boat is sinking. Hugh Downs
Forgiveness is not an elective in the curriculum of life. It is a required course, and the exams are always tough to pass.
Charles Swindoll
These two quotes happened to be side by side in my miscellaneous quote file. I thought, I think they look like they could go together. So I’ve been thinking of them that way. I’m not sure how to tie them in so it would make sense if your thoughts weren’t following the same path. It’s easier for me to see it, than to write it.
Maybe it’s just the syncretism I see in tying them together. If all parts are necessary for the whole, then it stands to some sort of reason that we need all parts, that we are not as separate as we think.
I think we all learn forgiveness, but I’m not sure all-forgiveness is possible in this life (or maybe even a goal.) We do what we can with what we have, and throw some grace in that makes things possible that are not ordinarily possible, and that’s about all I can say about that. And somehow our fates are tied together, forgiveness or not. The required course is tough, but a passing grade is all that is required, not perfection. I think passing can be a sliding scale depending on what we are dealing with, do you? Mercy and grace cover a multitude of falling short of the goal, when we are still doing our best to see our way through.
And somehow, it makes me think, today, of the last HP book in the series. Maybe not the forgiveness part, but the entwined fates part. And how much friendship can make our path easier, even if it is hard.
And it made me laugh to think of only one end of a boat sinking. As if!
I liked the progression of this quotation. Often one quality in thought leads to another, and it’s difficult to get off the treadmill. So it is important what qualities are in our progression of thought, or our progressive steps might be blocked by qualities that don’t allow a forward flow.
I’m not always as quick as I’d like to be in stopping a thought, but I work at it daily. I don’t think we have to think every thought that presents itself to our consciousness. We have a choice.
I was taught as a child to stand porter at the door of thought and only allow those thoughts in that are helpful. It was the natural way for me to think, but I have a friend who had never heard of the concept and didn’t know she had a choice in her thoughts, but of course, she knew she didn’t have to act on everything she thinks.
How about you? do you turn away thoughts or do you feel you have to think every thought that comes?
Karin
Hope is the seed of belief.
Belief is the seedling of faith.
Faith is the stem of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the flower of love.
Love is the blossom of life.
Author unknown but you can buy it at signals.com
It reminded me of the progression in this quote:
Phil4: 8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. KJV
I’ve been thinking that some experiences take patience to the nth degree. Current estimates for new Chinese adoptions are running into the 2 yrs to 36 mos range. I thought our wait of 18 mos was a long wait. And, of course, I didn’t know it would be 18 mos when I began.
I told myself during that time (over and over) that patience is a virtue…and by definition, patience means you have to wait. (But I didn’t have to like it.) And so I waited and waited and waited. Some folks dropped out of the China program or pulled their dossiers, even as is happening today. I felt I’d leave my paperwork in. That was the only way it could possibly happen. (Which isn’t strictly true, as I know of at least two families who adopted their Chinese daughters in the US, not in China.) We never really know our path until it opens. My path was only to go to China, because nothing else opened up during that time.
If something is not changeable, try to see it as not broken. Try to find a little faith in the process and the unfolding of things. Despite our belief that things need our assistance, most of the amazing things in the world occur without our help, interference or assistance. We don’t have to tell the cells in our body to divide, we don’t have to tell a cut to heal. There is a power in the world. Trust that all things are moving toward the good, even when we don’t recognize it or see it. That is faith. Having patience is having faith.
In faith, you remember that no experience is wasted…You can afford to relax and let life unfold….
And remember that God and the universe are not ultimately just working on the situation: they’re working on you… The universe is concerned with who you are, and it will bring into your life, in whatever the situations, in whatever time, what you need to become the person you are supposed to be. p 179-181
I made a conscious choice not to join list servs for adoption at that time, because they were rife with rumors. All that did was give me two things to handle. Some folks can be so negative and bitter, filled with anger and resentment, that I wonder(ed) how that will affect them when they receive(d) their child. Would any child be good enough to take away all their negative feelings during the wait? No child deserves to have that kind of onus put on them.
Each person has to find their own way through a circumstance that requires patience. Try to take it a day at a time. Do something good for yourself.
The book also has chapters on Authenticity, Love, Relationships, Loss, Power, Guilt, Time, Fear, Anger, Play, Surrender, Forgiveness and Happiness.
We must unlearn the negative ways of thinking. We must practice unlearning. By practice I don’t mean practice being happy while walking in nature on a pleasantly cool, clear day. Practice being happy all the time, especially the next time circumstances are not terribly conducive to joy…practice not letting it interfere with your state of mind. p 217
Good advice. Maybe not so easy to follow, at least at times. And, on the other hand, if you know you enjoy walking in the cool of the evening, make a point of doing it and bringing happiness into the wait.
It’s time to start living the life you’ve imagined. Henry James
We lay the groundwork every day for the life we wish to live. There’s no better time to start than now.
What do you want to see in your life? where do you see your life heading?
I always say, think about what you want for the future, then take the steps today to get there. If I don’t want to wake up a bitter, old woman, the caricature of women, then I’d better handle it today. I don’t think you wake up embittered without going through a lot of days prior to that with some degree of bitterness.
Same with any other quality.
I think about this especially as it relates to the relationship I want to have with my children when they are grown. I know what I was like as I was separating into my adulthood. If I want a good relationship with my grown children, then I need a good relationship all along the way, at least insofar as it is possible. (Of course, being the mom is not always popular, because teaching and correcting along the way is the only way to be a good one.)
We have 2 kids plus College girl and a friend home today. CG is arranging her room so it is new and that there might be room to incorporate all the things from college. Littles have either spent the night or had friends spending the nights this weekend. It’s a full house, and we’re having fun. The stuff a life is made up of. There was even some couple time. How about that.
I know anger is a universal emotion. But the juxtaposition of my short remark yesterday about dealing with my own angry anger was followed by receiving this message into my email box. I had to laugh. Again, I think this reaches way beyond the bounds of divorce, into universals.
Defining Anger
Day 59
Dr. Les Carter says that having anger means standing up for your own worth, needs, and convictions.
“You don’t get angry when folks are kind, pleasant, or understanding. Anger shows up when someone has rejected you or is being uncooperative, or when a person is being critical, harsh, or difficult to get along with. When anger appears on the scene, it arouses your sense of self-preservation.
“You want to preserve one of three things. You want to preserve your worth as a human being; your anger can be your way of wishing to say, ‘Please, show me some respect, will you?’ Anger can be your way of preserving your basic needs: ‘Recognize that I have needs, and acknowledge them, please.’ Or anger can be a way that you stand up for your deepest convictions. It is your way of saying, ‘I believe in things, and I don’t want to back away from them.’”
You will feel anger at some point in your divorce. [You fill in the blank for whatever is making you angry. Karin] Do not try to deny or suppress this emotion. God does not condemn you for your anger when it is justified. God Himself is described as “slow to anger”–not “never angry.”
“And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, ‘The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness’” (Exodus 34:6).
Lord God, sometimes my anger is justifiable; sometimes it’s not. Help me to be slow to anger, like You. Amen.
For more information about DivorceCare, including how to sign up for these daily emails, please visit.
I can’t figure out if I have very little anger (because I hardly ever feel or express it) or if it is so sublimated and running so deep that I’d better get a handle on it. Who knows. I’m not going to waste any time over it. I imagine it’s a bit of both. The Serenity Prayer comes in handy at times:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr
It’s a truism that progress happens because of discontent, even anger. Otherwise, we’d still be living in caves.
A Bible verse I especially love is:
Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath. KJV
Karin
I do not know about the workbook that is presented below as I have never seen it.
Suggested reading from the DivorceCare HelpCenter
The Anger Workbook
Les Carter
A 13-step interactive plan that explains how emotions and unmet needs can feed anger–and tells how readers can find healthy ways to express and control it. This unique workbook offers answers for anyone who struggles with destructive anger and wants to develop healthy alternatives for dealing with it. The only anger management program on the market that offers interactive exercises to help the readers understand and modify behavior.
Go to the following link to order this or other resources from the DivorceCare HelpCenter:
When 6 people all get along and count themselves friends, the angels are singing!
I am blessed to have a group of friends like this. The women are all friends, as are the men. It’s a nice mix of people. We have fun together; we commiserate together; we include each other’s kids, grown or not, as the occasion arises; we laugh a lot; we simply care about each other.
I count myself blessed.
It all began when one of the women who worked for my husband wanted to meet me. So she and a good friend who also worked for my husband brought their husbands, and we met for dinner on a Friday night. The rest is history. From that small beginning multiplied over many Friday nights, we are friends.
Make me sweet again, Fragrant and fresh and wild, And thankful for any small event. Rumi
Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone. -Gladys Browyn Stern, writer (1890-1973)
It takes no more time to see the good side of life than to see the bad. Jimmy Buffet
God cannot fill our glass if we cover it up. Author unknown
Gratitude for the sweetness in life wherever it is found, while it may only be expressed in our thought, is never really silent. The angels hear. And it does ourselves good, because it focuses our thought on what is good in life. It helps us see a half-full glass in place of the half-empty one. I have to think that this spreads out to our dealings with others.
I find it helpful to train myself to think along these lines. It doesn’t always come easy. But I bring my thought up short, back into the alignment of noticing good around me.
I think of a time recently when it was all I could do to move past anger. What helped me that day was listening to music until I could participate again.
I refuse to become the caricature of a bitter old woman. There are too many good things in life to experience. I don’t think a person wakes up bitter or angry one day. I think it happens little by little, as bitterness takes over more territory, as it becomes a habit in many, many occurrences over time. I don’t intend to let it get a foot hold, if I have any say in the matter.
It’s only fair to present the other side, after Valentine’s Day. I always thought this song was clever.
It might add a little humor to life if we thought of another word for lover — perhaps job or resentment or anger or…we aren’t stuck in unhappiness in life if we look for a way out. Sometimes that might even mean staying under new circumstances.
has an interesting chapter on patience. Some of it reads like platitudes or something that wouldn’t be much help until you’d forged it out in your own life, but I liked the following.
