It's only fair to present the other side, after Valentine's Day. I always thought this song was clever.

It might add a little humor to life if we thought of another word for lover -- perhaps job or resentment or anger or...we aren't stuck in unhappiness in life if we look for a way out. Sometimes that might even mean staying under new circumstances.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-02-16 07:59:39.

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H = S + C + V
Happiness = Set Point + Conditions of Your Life + Volunteer Activities

The S and C account for ...60% of our happiness. "But that still leaves 40% which is really quite a lot." [Lyubomirsky] Liz Seymour

I'd like to know where they get their percentages. I think there are times when C can be a lot more than 60%. It can permeate the whole of life, even if we have happy moments.

We have to fight for the kind of life we want -- and that includes our happiness. Make the choices that increase our overall sense of well-being.

Martin Seligman, originator of the term 'positive psychology' [director of the Positive Psychology Center at the U of PA] divides the building blocks of happiness into two broad categories: pleasures and gratifications. Pleasures are sensual and emotional (a good meal...a back rub) but generally fleeting in their effect. Gratifications are those activities that call on our skills and strengths and give us a sense of a job well done. [He] divides [these] even further into what he calls 'signature strengths' -- marks of character such as perseverance, kindness, curiosity, and humility that make each of us the individuals that we are.

...[Haidt] assigned [psychology students] four activities: attend a lecture, perform an act of kindness, express gratitude to someone, [or]eat an ice cream cone. Only the ice cream cone failed to lift the student's mood for the whole day. ... "We are most fully engaged in life when we are part of something that isn't just for ourselves." Liz Seymour

Well, no wonder food is not really a comfort, if this holds true. Of course, we knew that empirically, but now it is confirmed. I'm still not ready to give up chocolate, but if I go for a while not eating it, I find I don't want it.

What things give you the best day or the best feeling about yourself or your life? Kindness and curiosity rank up there with keeping involved in life.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-09-24 21:04:27.

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In Praise of Books

A book is a garden you can hold in your hand,
An orchard you can take on your lap.

A book is a companion who sleeps
Only when you are asleep,
And speaks only when you wish him to.

A book is a tree that lives long
And bears delicious and abundant fruit
That is easy to pick and perfectly ripe
At all times of the year.

A book obeys you by night and by day,
Abroad and at home;
It has no need of sleep
And does not grow weary from sitting up.

--Al-Jahiz (Abu Uthman Amr ibn Bahral-Jahiz, known to his friends as al-Jahiz, was born in Basra in 776 and was the leading literary and intellectual figure of his age.)

I like that when reading a book, we can commune with the author no matter what time frame they lived in. People we'd have no chance to sit down or talk with, are as close as our thoughts when reading the words they have written.

Another thing I like about books, outside of the fact that I like to read and have broad interests, is that they can be put down and later picked back up again -- that's an important thing in a busy life. Invariably if I try to watch TV, I am interrupted. I might as well not try to watch TV unless it is recorded so that I can treat it like a book.

Plus reading a book is one of the few things that gets a little bit more done each time, like knitting or embroidery, unlike the chores of life that are never ending. You can actually see progress in reading a book as you get further into it, similar to seeing an embroidery begin to take shape.

I have, however, in recent years given myself permission not to finish a book if it doesn't strike me in one way or another. Because I read fast, I could skim to finish -- but when time is at a premium, I'd rather move on to another book or another project. It's the rare book that I read every word at a pace that is savoring it.

I like the tactile nature of books, holding them in my hands. I'm not really into using wooden stands to help me hold a book, though it might be nice if a book is particularly heavy. And I like the way most books smell -- a combination of paper and ink.

Android Phone Apps and such for reading
I store and read parts of books (and books with the Kindle for Android App or Stanza)on my iPod Touch (quotes and such) and at one time had the Bible downloaded into my Palm. I now have a Bible App for my Android phone that offers many versions.

ebooks
And now that I have a Kindle, I have read many ebooks. I have read a friend's manuscript on the computer. I did not print it out. Then I converted it for Kindle. I have also done this with some research I have done.

Audio books
I have listened to a couple of audio books which were very well done. The Harry Potter audio books are excellent. Jim Dale, the reader, voices every character differently. Another I read (and heard) took place in England. The reader had an English accent, so it had a different feel than reading it to myself with my own voice which is not English, but American. I get impatient listening to a book because I can read it so much faster, but it is a good pastime in the car on long or repetitive rides.

What are you reading?

Video
I thought this video was quite funny. Introducing the book (with subtitles.) This is a skit showing how a monk might have learned to read a book when he was used only to a scroll. Not too far off from introducing a computer or an ebook. We gotta learn how to do it!

Karin
www.savvythinker.com

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Originally posted 2007-02-16 08:03:57.

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I appreciate Dorothy Parker's wit. Nearly everyone is familiar with this particular one, though they may not know she was the one who originated it -- it has passed into familiar lore:

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.

During her lifetime (1893 - 1967) she was referenced in many different venues, including music and plays. She is still relevant today, as evidenced by many modern-day references. I suppose that shows the on-going influence of her life. Just a few are:

* In the movie Girl, Interrupted (film), Angelina Jolie's character, Lisa, quotes Parker's poem, Resume

* Part of her poem, Coda, was read in an episode of Gilmore Girls by Jared Padalecki.

* Canadian musician Ron Hawkins refers to Dorothy Parker in a song titled "Out of the Black".

Lyric: And just like Dorothy Parker would say, its no shame to call it a day ...

* The songs Afternoon and Ballade at Thirty-Five from No Promises, by Carla Bruni were adapted from the poems by Parker. Wikipedia

Today at Curves, they had one of her quotes on the board. I'm not surprised it is attributed to DP because it has her same witty ring to it. Her quotes usually make you think twice.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. (Attributed to) Dorothy Parker

Makes sense to me, speaking as one who is curious.

While looking through some of her other quotes, this one made me laugh:

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. Dorothy Parker

I laughingly say, if you want your children to talk to you, just pretend to be on the phone. They will talk to you every time.

This quote illustrates her clever use of double entendre:

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-02-06 17:30:54.

No related posts.

One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if it were possible, speak a few reasonable words. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, poet, dramatist, novelist, and philosopher (1749-1832)

I think I live by this philosophy. I bring into my life the elements I need for happiness, things of beauty.

Even fragrance exists outside the bare utility of life. It adds to life; it does not subtract. Recently someone remarked that because her month had been hectic, stressful and hard, she chose to wear scents that she felt would anchor her when dealing with the issues -- scents that felt either grounding or comforting. I thought that was very astute. I also choose my scents by how I feel on a particular day. Her remarks made me think again of the mood altering effects of perfumes. We can change the way we feel by the elements we bring into our days.

And when I am happy, it brings happiness not only into my experience, but lightens those who know me.

Contrast this to the following:

One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person. -William Feather, author, editor and publisher (1889-1981)

What is happiness, anyway? I believe it exists entwined in the rest of life, including intelligence, which presumably would lead us to the things that bring us happiness, such as Goethe suggested.

Perhaps happiness is also entwined with a degree of solution-thinking. If we believe that a solution exists or could be brought to bear upon the difficulties we face or see, then we are less apt to sink into despair. I don't have to be the one to find a particular solution. It may be enough for me to acknowledge that a solution can be found. I like to think this makes it easier for the one who is searching for a solution to find it.

I don't think happiness is ignoring the world. Rather it is refocusing on what is beautiful in the world.

What brings you happiness? Do you make a conscious effort to include more in your life?

Karin

Originally posted 2007-03-12 07:23:39.

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I saw this movie last week -- and again on a recent cruise. A love story for grownups.

It was an enjoyable slice of life, well acted by its two veteran actors: Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman.

This is not a romantic comedy; rather, I would call it a romantic drama. And since the romance takes place in a grown up way with mature adults, rather than teens or early adulthood, it might be more enjoyable for a mature audience. There is no sex or nudity, unless you count Dustin Hoffman in the shower, looking his age.

Eileen Atkins plays the part of Emma's mother. She is terrific in the part. Vulnerability crosses her face in every scene, simply in nuances of facial expression.

Hoffman is on his way to London for his daughter's wedding. It's going to be one of the harder weekends of his life. He learns that his daughter wishes her step-father (played by James Brolin) to give her away, then that he is fired.

All the action takes place over the wedding weekend.

Liane Balaban is gorgeous as his daughter.

Along the way he fails to meet Thompson when she tries to ask him a questionnaire in the airport and when they take the same taxi -- as one gets out, the other gets in. Later, when he misses his plane home, they connect in a believable way in the airport lounge.

That leads to his return to the wedding reception and their giving love a chance. I had to suspend reality to think the reception was still going on after his long morning/afternoon away. It was nice to see a resolution within the families. I mentioned to my daughter that he was treated differently when he was alone compared to when he had Emma with him.

On the whole, I recommend it. I give it a 2.5 stars; my daughter gave it a 2.

Have you seen it?

Karin
www.savvythinker.com

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Originally posted 2009-01-23 18:57:56.

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Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy. Milton Erickson, M.D.

One of the servers in a restaurant the other day was talking with me about the new year and her hopes for it. She said she wasn't making any resolutions, because they don't work for her. Among other things, I said, maybe we are to try to find happiness in our life just as it is, as best we can. (Which is, of course, sometimes easier said than done.)

This quote reminds me of that.

Have you ever known anyone who is a joy-sucker? If there is any joy in a situation, a person like this can manage to wring it out, leaving you feeling worse and having something else to deal with. I try to limit my time with someone like this, as much as possible. It brings me down too far.

It's so much better consciously to be a joy-bringer, a creator of joy, so that others will be glad you are around.

It's too much to say we can do this all the time. But creating joy, to me, is a big part of it -- finding something that makes us happy, then doing it or bringing it into our life; or being like the child who finds treasures of joy along the sidewalk vs. being in such a hurry to get somewhere that we can be oblivious to the good around us.

It's not for nothing that it is said to stop and smell the flowers along the way.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-01-15 13:39:45.

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I think it's possible to have a certain level of happiness underlie all of our experiences, the good, the bad or the ugly, if we are aware of them. That's possibly what is meant by having a set-point for happiness. It's there, somewhere. I wonder if we can set our set-point higher with a little awareness.

"Little things seem nothing, but they give peace, like those meadow flowers which individually seem odorless but all together perfume the air." ~ Georges Bernanos (1888-1948)

Back to some thoughts from the article in US Airways:

Psychologists have been studying happiness since the 1960's, but it didn't become a discipline in its own right until 1998 with the adoption of the term 'positive psychology.' There are now research centers such as a lab at the U of N Carolina or a center at U of Pennsylvania.

Happy people live longer, enjoy healthier lives, achieve more success, and maintain stronger relationships than the chronically unhappy. "This doesn't mean that people need to be euphoric or ecstatic all the time, but rather that people who are in a positive state the majority of the time have an advantage in terms of success." Ed Diener, professor of psychology at the U of Illinois quoted by Liz Seymour

It's a good thing happiness is not dependent upon being ecstatic all the time. It would elude me completely. Does fighting for a level of happiness count? I think it should. At any rate, what is, is. I don't think we should rate ourselves against other people but compare ourselves to ourselves. There are tough things in life. It would be too much to think we should go through them without a bit of sorrow. Sometimes sorrow shows our compassion.

The belief is that anyone can become happier. So stay tuned to other parts.

Meantime, the day that books leapt out at me in the library, another one did about happiness (now returned, so I don't have the title in front of me.) In this book the author tells the story of a concentration camp survivor who was too happy, according to her family, and they wanted her to see a psychologist. He is amazed at her capacity for happiness and in several chapters, he details her thoughts to him. In one instance, she points to the tattoo of the number on her arm and says that that is a sign of her happiness -- that others have signs too, but they might be less easy to find.

Lest this sound too ethereal, she was grounded in reality. One thing she said was that during her camp experience she often held the hand of a man who would shake when the guards came by. Finding a sense of worth in the camps, doing something good for others, helped to save her. She says that he survived and waved to her from the truck that released him.

I know someone who seems happy all the time. For her, it comes easily. Or maybe she demonstrated it over a long life and knows the value of holding on to it even in the face of tragedy, as she has had some. It does seem to come more easily to her than to me.

What do you do to consciously bring happiness into your life, maybe especially if you are going through some hard times? Readers of this blog would like to know.

There even comes a time when being like Scarlett O'Hara is not such a bad thing: resolving to think about it another day, because there isn't anything more that can be done today.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-09-17 08:42:45.

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I need a certain amount of quiet time to function well. If I don't get it, life becomes too hectic, when it is busy already, or I find myself wakeful in the night, the only quiet time. Music can count as quiet time too. I'm finding as I have more of it in my day, it flows better.

I need to be replenished before I have anything to pour out.

I worried a bit with my littles being off this week for Spring Break -- and the irony of it not coinciding with College Girl's Spring Break which was a coupla' weeks ago.

But we have survived, and more than survived. We've had a nice mix of fun and play with work, which is about all you could ask for.

There is work that is work and there is play that is play; there is play that is work and work that is play. And in only one of these lie happiness. Gelett Burgess

I know it's possible, and sometimes I have done it, to have quiet time in the midst of everything going on around, a little pocket. Multi-tasking par excellence. But on a forever basis, this isn't really the best thing. It feels too rushed.

At times it seems like the moments I've set aside for myself are filled with interruptions. I remember reading about a minister who began his day by praying for his interruptions because, of course, he couldn't know what the demands on his time would be for a particular day with his congregation. This is true for ourselves in our own work too, but we don't always realize it. Sometimes I remind myself to do this, but generally it is after a particularly hectic day or hectic few days. Then I regain a balance again. Other times, it's a matter of teaching my children not to interrupt every 10 seconds, which they are pretty good about now, thankfully.

I laugh and say, if you want your kids to talk to you, just pretend you are on the phone! They come every time, from wherever they are with something very crucial to say.

Cherish your quiet time and make it happen. What do you do to replenish? (I don't think gym time counts as quiet time, but it does replenish. You can prove me wrong, however.)

Karin

March 28, 2007
Your Most Vital Commitment
Finding Time For You
Within each of us there is a well of energy that must be regularly replenished. When we act as if this well is bottomless, scheduling a long list of activities that fit like puzzle pieces into every minute of every day, it becomes depleted and we feel exhausted, disconnected, and weak. Refilling this well is a matter of finding time to focus on, nurture, and care for ourselves, or "you time." Most of us are, at different times throughout the day, a spouse, a friend, a relative, an employee, a parent, or a volunteer, which means that down time, however relaxing in nature, is not necessarily "you time." Though some people will inevitably look upon "you time" as being selfish, it is actually the polar opposite of selfishness. We can only excel where our outer world affairs are concerned when our own spiritual, physical, and intellectual needs are fulfilled.

Recognizing the importance of "you time" is far easier than finding a place for it in an active, multifaceted lifestyle, however.... You may discover that you are energized by creative pursuits, guided meditation, relaxing activities during which your mind can wander, or modes of expression such as writing.

Even if you have achieved a functioning work-life balance, you may still be neglecting the most important part of that equation: you. "You time" prepares you for the next round of daily life, whether you are poised to immerse yourself in a professional project or chores around the home. ...it ensures that you are never left without the energy to give of yourself. Daily OM

Originally posted 2007-03-30 07:16:54.

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I haven't done any beading in a month or so. Life just gets in the way and moreso over the last few weeks than usually.

But I came across a quote that I felt I wanted front and center right now:

...grace notes of happiness. Alexandra Stoddard

So after an appointment yesterday that took me into the neck of the woods of one of our beading stores, I dropped in and picked up small sterling silver block letters. Between the words I put Capri blue Swarovski crystals nestled between the little square shaped pave on all four sides crystals, and at the back to make it fit, a few more of the blue and a larger square not quite citrine looking AB crystal. They are strung on elastic, very easy to slip on, and voila! I have the words before me. And the blue makes me happy.

I think it's important when life gets in the way to recognize those grace notes of happiness that occur in all of our lives, if we keep our eyes and heart open to see them. They truly are grace notes.

Karin

Originally posted 2007-04-20 09:25:06.

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