This came across my computer from Insight of the Day today:
I believe people should study a little bit every day. It should become habitual, like brushing your teeth, combing your hair, having a shower or getting dressed. Study the mind, the laws of the universe and paradigms. There’s enough information on those subjects to keep a person studying forever. Bob Proctor
Because I like to learn about new things, I don’t think of it as a habit. I laugh and say once I’ve learned one new thing each day, I can go to sleep.
Recently I read the book Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. He teaches a very popular class in this. One of his interesting points is to make anything you like, that makes you happy, a habit, schedule it in. Evidently making something a habit means it actually gets into your life on a regular basis. And it takes upwards of a month to make something new a habit.
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Of all the gifts my mother gave me, not the least of which was an excellent childhood, I’d have to say that ‘enthusiasm’ was by far one of the most valuable. She taught me not to miss the parade, if you know what I mean. You don’t always have to actually JOIN the parade, if that’s not your personality- but you should SHOW UP and cheer and laugh and sing along, if only to yourself. -c
I simply love this quote, not much else to add to that. I like it for me as both the parent and the child I once was, but still embody. I too had an excellent childhood, or at least a plenty-good-enough one, but I wasn’t taught the rest of this. I had to pick it up for myself in the parades of life. And I have to encourage my children in this direction.
As an adult, once when I was going through what might possibly have been a difficult situation, someone said to me to view it as if I were sitting in a parade stand. I should think of it as if I were (or had been) watching it pass by, not as if I were in it. I thought that was very helpful to remember. I had sort of felt that way at the time it was happening, not exactly removed from it, but not within it either. It helped me feel freer of any repercussions. And it seemed a kind of grace.
Karin
A mother should give her children a superabundance of enthusiasm, that after they have lost all they are sure to lose in mixing with the world, enough may still remain to prompt and support them through great actions. Julius C. Hare (1795-1855) English Cleric
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I’m always on the lookout for fun things to do with my kids.
One of my friends had a 50th birthday not too long ago and among the decorations were a number of (black, haha) vinyl 50’s some of which we took home for souvenirs.
Anyway, one day I thought whoever needed some lovin’ should hand the 50 to the one they wanted it from. It then becomes that person’s to pass along to another family member when they need the perks. And so on…
It always brings smiles. We do it goofy sometimes (accompanied with a lot of laughter): cheek hugs (where you press cheek to cheek) or elbow hugs (ya gotta be careful and not slip the elbows off each other) or chin hugs (ditto) or forehead hugs or shoulder hugs (pressing your shoulders together) …butterfly kisses (eyelashes)…quick hugs…etc. and normal ones too…
Last night when my youngest came up to the computer where I was sitting, I gave her the 50…and then immediately she gave it back to me (so she would receive her 50 hugs and kisses and love pats)…so now I have to pass it on again. Other times if she has kept it, she will bring it in a few nights later…
Anyway, it’s fun and instant validation.
So much of parenting is serious, so it’s always good to have some fun memories. I try to make some fun ones every day. This was really important when one of our girls was especially difficult to parent.
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Sometimes I think the harder we look for happiness, the more elusive it can be. It’s like searching for Mr. Goodbar. But if we just sit quietly, appreciating and in the moment, it sneaks up on us.
That’s not to say that we don’t have to work at it or take charge of our own happiness. Like Cathy writes below in the comments section, I often say that I fight for my happiness!
I’ve learned through the years that I need to bring happiness into my moments, if I expect to experience it. I remind myself to do those small things for myself that secure my happiness, to be good to myself, to take time to enjoy the moments that run through our fingers.
I’ve talked with a number of folks over the years and in recent weeks whose concerns are ratcheting up. They are looking to establish (more) joy in their lives in the face of negative reports and a general malaise. Concerns about the world; their finances; life in general; their health, their work, their marriage; retirement funds — anything you can think of — are stealing their peace and occupying their thoughts.
Over the years I’ve looked into happiness, read a number of books, worked on it for myself, and tried to discern what, exactly, is happiness? I don’t know that it is possible to be happy every moment, but even in the midst of problems, it is possible to be a happy person, or at least to experience joy at some level and in some moments. So happiness isn’t determined by whether a person is happy every single moment, but whether it is an attitude of heart and mind.
An analogy that came to me a number of years ago that I’ve often shared with others is this:
Every incident of goodness; every moment of joy; every good thought or deed; every kind word experienced or given; every beautiful thing we notice; every bit of gratitude we express; every note of music we hear or play; every time we appreciate something around us; every time we give or receive a compliment; every time we take time to take time is like a pearl we are stringing in our lives.
The knots in the string are life’s problems.
When we look at a strand of pearls, yes, we see the knots, but we don’t focus on them. They only serve to make the strand more beautiful. What we see is the complete strand with the individual pearls. The knots hold the pearls securely, as well as set them apart from each other so that we may better see and appreciate the individual pearls.
That seemed like enough, and for years that is what I strove to understand and share.
But this past week, when talking to someone, it occurred to me to think out loud as we were talking: What is the string?
And in an instant I listened to the idea come out of my mouth that I hadn’t yet had:
The string is happiness.
I loved the idea that there is a string of happiness moving through our lives and that we are stringing together moments of love, joy, goodness, peace — the loveliness of life — on it.
May you be blessed by this idea, as much as I was to receive it, and may today and every day be filled with many beautiful and precious blessings.
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I’m a sucker for books on happiness, because the concept of happiness is dear to my heart, something I have to fight for, and always a little bit nebulous, almost there but a little bit out of reach.
Ricard is a French Buddhist monk and former cell biologist. He has written a number of books, which if they are as readable as this one, will join my to-read list which is getting longer and longer. I’m not very far into the book yet, but I wanted to talk about it.
Here are some of the ideas discussed in the first few pages (I could do a post on several more of them too, and might):
Is happiness a skill that, once acquired, endures through the ups and downs of life? …Happiness is … a way of interpreting the world. Matthieu Ricard
Is happiness
the radiation of joy over one’s entire existence or over the most vibrant part of one’s active past, one’s actual presence, and one’s conceivable future[?] Robert Misrahi, philosopher
How would you define ‘active past’ — (this is not discussed in the book) those things of our past that are active in consciousness today or that have long-lasting effects on our every days, whether for good or ill? compared to inactive past, that may or may not seem to have an effect on us, but are in the long-forgotten reaches of our minds?
Is happiness intentionally vague so that each person can interpret it in his or her own way? (Henri Bergson)
I like the idea that happiness is a joy that hovers over all aspects of life, that we can acquire the skills for happiness, that we can interpret happiness for ourselves. Ricard states that happiness is more than fleeting moments and causative events.
What do you think happiness is?
Would you like to read this book along with me?
I think it is possible to have happiness even in the midst of sorrow, but it takes some effort and some intentional choices. Here’s to making them!
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…things, whatever their number, contribute surprisingly little — somewhere between 8 and 15% — to our sustained happiness. Variables such as age, education, health, income, personal appearance, and even climate are ineffective at overriding our genetically determined set point.
…external factors have little impact on our level of happiness…our brains…turn out to be amazingly adapable to both good and bad circumstances…scientists can observe neurons firing most urgently to new stimuli; once nerves habituate to a situation, whatever its nature, they respond less…lottery winners …[or]paraplegic from an accident…Within a year after the event that changed their lives, they were pretty much back to their earlier level of happiness. That holds just as true for less dramatic conditions, says Lyubomirsky [professor of psychology at U of CA-Riverside and one of the originators of the happiness formula.] “If you make a stable change — …buy a bigger house… — you’ll get used to it after a while and return to your set point. It works the opposite way as well, which is why daily hassles make people very unhappy. You never get a chance to adapt because the conditions are constantly changing.” Liz Seymour
I don’t know whether this can be seen as good or bad. Good, if you are going through tough times, because you can hold onto the idea that a sense of normal will return, even if time doesn’t heal all ills, despite the adage. Bad, if you were really hoping that what you hoped for would do the trick on a permanent basis.
But isn’t it better to be aware of this than not to be and then be surprised when our highs aren’t sustained as we had thought. It takes some work to stay on top.
The same parameters that would seem to keep us at a certain happiness set point are the same parameters that lead to progress for all of us. After all, if we were happy and content with the status quo always, we’d still be in caves. A certain level of discontent and unhappiness leads us to find new solutions to old problems.
It’s the daily hassle thing we have to watch out for.
Sometimes I think it is similar to changing a channel on TV. We don’t watch a program we dislike. We shouldn’t have to think a thought just because it appears on the horizon of our consciousness. After a point, dismiss it or turn to something else to think about. Which is, of course, sometimes easier said than done, especially if we haven’t trained ourselves to do that — or didn’t realize we could.
Not so surprisingly finding things to be grateful for contributes to our happiness. Of course, sometimes I just don’t want to go there, say, if I’m mad…but eventually I do, and I do feel better. More about that (and what scientists find for those who do that) after a couple more parts.
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One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if it were possible, speak a few reasonable words. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, poet, dramatist, novelist, and philosopher (1749-1832)
I think I live by this philosophy. I bring into my life the elements I need for happiness, things of beauty.
Even fragrance exists outside the bare utility of life. It adds to life; it does not subtract. Recently someone remarked that because her month had been hectic, stressful and hard, she chose to wear scents that she felt would anchor her when dealing with the issues — scents that felt either grounding or comforting. I thought that was very astute. I also choose my scents by how I feel on a particular day. Her remarks made me think again of the mood altering effects of perfumes. We can change the way we feel by the elements we bring into our days.
And when I am happy, it brings happiness not only into my experience, but lightens those who know me.
Contrast this to the following:
One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person. -William Feather, author, editor and publisher (1889-1981)
What is happiness, anyway? I believe it exists entwined in the rest of life, including intelligence, which presumably would lead us to the things that bring us happiness, such as Goethe suggested.
Perhaps happiness is also entwined with a degree of solution-thinking. If we believe that a solution exists or could be brought to bear upon the difficulties we face or see, then we are less apt to sink into despair. I don’t have to be the one to find a particular solution. It may be enough for me to acknowledge that a solution can be found. I like to think this makes it easier for the one who is searching for a solution to find it.
I don’t think happiness is ignoring the world. Rather it is refocusing on what is beautiful in the world.
What brings you happiness? Do you make a conscious effort to include more in your life?
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When I say Merry Christmas
that’s just shorthand
for something more.
Because what I’m really wishing
is happiness that spills over
into all the ordinary days, too.
I’m wishing good gifts —
both the kind that unwrap
and the kind
that unfold over time.
I’m wishing that moments
would be sweet
and life would be kind.
And I’m wishing these things
with all my heart
when I say Merry Christmas. by Kelly Chace
May your Christmas day be happy, whether you celebrate it or not, and may it set the tone for a truly joyous and happy year to follow. Thanks for visiting!
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Our paper chronicles today a woman who is 105. She looks good! They say she has a spark.
Here’s some highlights:
She began playing the drums at 12.
A neighbor says of her:
She’s an inspiration to me. I enjoy being in her company. I look forward to visiting her; we’re both happy to see each other. She is a very popular woman. People don’t forget her.
She says she doesn’t have a formula for long life…no magic to it…other than being blessed to be happy in her home life, happy in her marriage and determined to find beauty of some sort in everyone.
I just worship the Lord, try to help add positive things to people’s lives and try to find happiness in everyday life. Maurine Engel
Bless her! I want to be her when I grow up. “Determined to find beauty of some sort in everyone…” I hear her. She also says she enjoys being around young/er people.
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I need a certain amount of quiet time to function well. If I don’t get it, life becomes too hectic, when it is busy already, or I find myself wakeful in the night, the only quiet time. Music can count as quiet time too. I’m finding as I have more of it in my day, it flows better.
I need to be replenished before I have anything to pour out.
I worried a bit with my littles being off this week for Spring Break — and the irony of it not coinciding with College Girl’s Spring Break which was a coupla’ weeks ago.
But we have survived, and more than survived. We’ve had a nice mix of fun and play with work, which is about all you could ask for.
There is work that is work and there is play that is play; there is play that is work and work that is play. And in only one of these lie happiness. Gelett Burgess
I know it’s possible, and sometimes I have done it, to have quiet time in the midst of everything going on around, a little pocket. Multi-tasking par excellence. But on a forever basis, this isn’t really the best thing. It feels too rushed.
At times it seems like the moments I’ve set aside for myself are filled with interruptions. I remember reading about a minister who began his day by praying for his interruptions because, of course, he couldn’t know what the demands on his time would be for a particular day with his congregation. This is true for ourselves in our own work too, but we don’t always realize it. Sometimes I remind myself to do this, but generally it is after a particularly hectic day or hectic few days. Then I regain a balance again. Other times, it’s a matter of teaching my children not to interrupt every 10 seconds, which they are pretty good about now, thankfully.
I laugh and say, if you want your kids to talk to you, just pretend you are on the phone! They come every time, from wherever they are with something very crucial to say.
Cherish your quiet time and make it happen. What do you do to replenish? (I don’t think gym time counts as quiet time, but it does replenish. You can prove me wrong, however.)
Karin
March 28, 2007
Your Most Vital Commitment
Finding Time For You
Within each of us there is a well of energy that must be regularly replenished. When we act as if this well is bottomless, scheduling a long list of activities that fit like puzzle pieces into every minute of every day, it becomes depleted and we feel exhausted, disconnected, and weak. Refilling this well is a matter of finding time to focus on, nurture, and care for ourselves, or “you time.” Most of us are, at different times throughout the day, a spouse, a friend, a relative, an employee, a parent, or a volunteer, which means that down time, however relaxing in nature, is not necessarily “you time.” Though some people will inevitably look upon “you time” as being selfish, it is actually the polar opposite of selfishness. We can only excel where our outer world affairs are concerned when our own spiritual, physical, and intellectual needs are fulfilled.
Recognizing the importance of “you time” is far easier than finding a place for it in an active, multifaceted lifestyle, however…. You may discover that you are energized by creative pursuits, guided meditation, relaxing activities during which your mind can wander, or modes of expression such as writing.
Even if you have achieved a functioning work-life balance, you may still be neglecting the most important part of that equation: you. “You time” prepares you for the next round of daily life, whether you are poised to immerse yourself in a professional project or chores around the home. …it ensures that you are never left without the energy to give of yourself. Daily OM
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This is a cute story and just makes my day, plus the cat is one gorgeous cat! To see pictures of the cat, go here.
Bus drivers have nicknamed a white cat Macavity after it has started using the No 331 several mornings a week.
The feline, which has a purple collar, gets onto the busy Walsall to Wolverhampton bus at the same stop most mornings – he then jumps off at the next stop 400m down the road, near a fish and chip shop.
The cat was nicknamed Macavity after the mystery cat in T.S Elliot’s poem. He gets on the bus in front of a row of 1950s semi-detached houses and jumps off at a row of shops down the road which include a fish and chip shop.
Driver Bill Khunkhun, 49, who first saw the cat jumping from the bus in January, said: “It is really odd, the first time I saw the cat jumping off the bus with a group of passengers. I hadn’t seen it get on which was a bit confusing.
“The next day I pulled up on Churchill Road to let a couple of passengers on. As soon as I opened the doors the cat ran towards the bus, jumped on and ran under one of the seats, I don’t think any of the passengers noticed.
“Because I had seen it jump off the day before I carried on driving and sure enough when I stopped just down the road he jumped off – I don’t know why he would catch the bus but he seems to like it. I told some of the other drivers on this route and they have seen him too.”
Since January, when the cat first caught the bus he has done it two or three times a week and always gets on and off at the same stops.
Passenger, Paul Brennan, 19, who catches the 331 to work, said: “I first noticed the cat a few weeks ago. At first I thought it had been accompanied by its owner but after the first stop it became quite clear he was on his own.
“He sat at the front of the bus, waited patiently for the next stop and then got off. It was was quite strange at first but now it just seems normal. I suppose he is the perfect passenger really – he sits quietly, minds his own business and then gets off.”
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