Somebody passed this to me today, and I thought it was worthwhile to pass on.
Have you ever had a day when it just started out wrong and got worse? Or maybe it started out OK and went downhill from there. Yes, it’s a truism that we take ourselves with us wherever we go — and maybe we do contribute to the over-all sense of life we are experiencing.
But what if…what if…we could see what others are going through…what if…
Got it?
What if that made our day…what if when we reach out, our day changes and so does theirs.
I learned through years of parenting that usually there is one of three things behind a child’s tantrum: either they need food, they need sleep or they need love.
That’s such a truism for life, really. When I have a hard day, it’s generally because I need some rest, but the other two factor in also.
It reminds me of the time Elijah was under the juniper tree. He’d just fled for his life after a seeming spiritual victory (but you note God didn’t tell him to do what he did). And there he was, exhausted, asking God to take away his life, he wasn’t any different than the others.
Did God do it?
Nope. First he had him sleep. Then he fed him. Then he appeared as the still, small voice and re-energized him. And he gave him a friend in the work, Elisha.
These three things are almost a spiritual law, and I bet the rabbis had a word for it.
What is there about food that represents all the good in life. Is it because it is such a basic need?
Not too long ago I watched a friend invite another to come over. I’ll fix you breakfast, she offered. In that simple offering was all the power of providing a few wings in a free fall.
The next time you have a hard day, ask yourself if you are missing one or all of these elements, then try to consciously give them to yourself.
And if you are dealing with a recalcitrant child or some other in your life, you’ll find these help also.
I laugh when I think of the truism: the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. There’s a reason for that adage, and it applies to more than men.
I think there’s something about food disorders that gets back to the base line of love. If you struggle with this, know that you are loved and that you can love. You can rest in that.
I know anger is a universal emotion. But the juxtaposition of my short remark yesterday about dealing with my own angry anger was followed by receiving this message into my email box. I had to laugh. Again, I think this reaches way beyond the bounds of divorce, into universals.
Defining Anger
Day 59
Dr. Les Carter says that having anger means standing up for your own worth, needs, and convictions.
“You don’t get angry when folks are kind, pleasant, or understanding. Anger shows up when someone has rejected you or is being uncooperative, or when a person is being critical, harsh, or difficult to get along with. When anger appears on the scene, it arouses your sense of self-preservation.
“You want to preserve one of three things. You want to preserve your worth as a human being; your anger can be your way of wishing to say, ‘Please, show me some respect, will you?’ Anger can be your way of preserving your basic needs: ‘Recognize that I have needs, and acknowledge them, please.’ Or anger can be a way that you stand up for your deepest convictions. It is your way of saying, ‘I believe in things, and I don’t want to back away from them.’”
You will feel anger at some point in your divorce. [You fill in the blank for whatever is making you angry. Karin] Do not try to deny or suppress this emotion. God does not condemn you for your anger when it is justified. God Himself is described as “slow to anger”–not “never angry.”
“And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, ‘The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness’” (Exodus 34:6).
Lord God, sometimes my anger is justifiable; sometimes it’s not. Help me to be slow to anger, like You. Amen.
For more information about DivorceCare, including how to sign up for these daily emails, please visit.
I can’t figure out if I have very little anger (because I hardly ever feel or express it) or if it is so sublimated and running so deep that I’d better get a handle on it. Who knows. I’m not going to waste any time over it. I imagine it’s a bit of both. The Serenity Prayer comes in handy at times:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr
It’s a truism that progress happens because of discontent, even anger. Otherwise, we’d still be living in caves.
A Bible verse I especially love is:
Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath. KJV
Karin
I do not know about the workbook that is presented below as I have never seen it.
Suggested reading from the DivorceCare HelpCenter
The Anger Workbook
Les Carter
A 13-step interactive plan that explains how emotions and unmet needs can feed anger–and tells how readers can find healthy ways to express and control it. This unique workbook offers answers for anyone who struggles with destructive anger and wants to develop healthy alternatives for dealing with it. The only anger management program on the market that offers interactive exercises to help the readers understand and modify behavior.
Go to the following link to order this or other resources from the DivorceCare HelpCenter:
It’s only fair to present the other side, after Valentine’s Day. I always thought this song was clever.
It might add a little humor to life if we thought of another word for lover — perhaps job or resentment or anger or…we aren’t stuck in unhappiness in life if we look for a way out. Sometimes that might even mean staying under new circumstances.
People call me an optimist, but I’m really an appreciator….When I was six years old and had scarlet fever, the first of the miracle drugs, sulfanilamide, saved my life. I’m grateful for computers and photocopiers…I appreciate where we’ve come from. Julian Simon (1933-1998) American Academic
I’m too much of a realist to be a true optimist, but I am an appreciator (of many things), and I strive to see the half full glass rather than the half empty one.
Of course, some days it is easier than others. On good days, the glass always appears half full (or fuller), but on a day/days with some struggles, then it is a true demonstration to grasp the glass and see it as half full, rather than empty(ing).
Appreciation goes a long ways to making an easier life. I know I have always worked harder for someone who appreciates me and my efforts than for someone who is critical. My kids learn best from teachers who they feel appreciate and like them and their efforts.
I had a third grade teacher that gave me a hard time. And my son had at least two teachers like that. I could sympathize. I sat there and seethed much of the time, though I’m sure I learned, but not as easily or with as much fun.
There’s a lesson in there somewhere, besides my hard-headedness.
We have a columnist in our local paper who is syndicated, so perhaps you get him too. He writes about spiritual things and is currently a chaplain at a hospital, so often he writes about things that occur in the hospital with patients he is visiting.
He lays his faith on the line and doesn’t mince words. While he speaks about spiritual things, he shoots from the hip, and sometimes people tell him (and he tells his readers that other readers have told him) that he isn’t very godly. But his experiences are always human so they are helpful to me. I like that he makes Christianity practical and not just words that are pie in the sky.
In this article he vows that he is going to throw the contents of his cup at whatever car manages to just miss him on the cross walk…and it backfires. You can read the whole article here.
I kinda know what he is talking about, I do, I do. Another speaker I heard one time said that she realized when she exploded in anger so quickly (and for unrelated reasons) she realized she had this little river of kerosene of anger running through her, and it only took a spark to set her off. She would have to get rid of this trickle in order to be free of it.
Karin
I knew the rage I’d been holding inside … was indicative of how many of us handle the things that bother us.
Instead of speaking up the first time something bothers us, we wait. We wait because we think waiting is a spiritual thing. We quote the sacred teachings about turning the other cheek.
When that doesn’t work, we keep turning cheeks, all the while waiting and quietly raging until we’re ready to give the object of our rage a view of our more southern cheeks — or in my case the southern end of my drudge cup.
The problem with this kind of waiting is it gives people the full force of the feelings we’ve collected. The problem with trying to spill out all those old feelings is it never amounts to anything constructive or helpful. Norris Burkes
