This came across my computer from Insight of the Day today:
I believe people should study a little bit every day. It should become habitual, like brushing your teeth, combing your hair, having a shower or getting dressed. Study the mind, the laws of the universe and paradigms. There’s enough information on those subjects to keep a person studying forever. Bob Proctor
Because I like to learn about new things, I don’t think of it as a habit. I laugh and say once I’ve learned one new thing each day, I can go to sleep.
Recently I read the book Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. He teaches a very popular class in this. One of his interesting points is to make anything you like, that makes you happy, a habit, schedule it in. Evidently making something a habit means it actually gets into your life on a regular basis. And it takes upwards of a month to make something new a habit.
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Of all the gifts my mother gave me, not the least of which was an excellent childhood, I’d have to say that ‘enthusiasm’ was by far one of the most valuable. She taught me not to miss the parade, if you know what I mean. You don’t always have to actually JOIN the parade, if that’s not your personality- but you should SHOW UP and cheer and laugh and sing along, if only to yourself. -c
I simply love this quote, not much else to add to that. I like it for me as both the parent and the child I once was, but still embody. I too had an excellent childhood, or at least a plenty-good-enough one, but I wasn’t taught the rest of this. I had to pick it up for myself in the parades of life. And I have to encourage my children in this direction.
As an adult, once when I was going through what might possibly have been a difficult situation, someone said to me to view it as if I were sitting in a parade stand. I should think of it as if I were (or had been) watching it pass by, not as if I were in it. I thought that was very helpful to remember. I had sort of felt that way at the time it was happening, not exactly removed from it, but not within it either. It helped me feel freer of any repercussions. And it seemed a kind of grace.
Karin
A mother should give her children a superabundance of enthusiasm, that after they have lost all they are sure to lose in mixing with the world, enough may still remain to prompt and support them through great actions. Julius C. Hare (1795-1855) English Cleric
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I’m always on the lookout for fun things to do with my kids.
One of my friends had a 50th birthday not too long ago and among the decorations were a number of (black, haha) vinyl 50’s some of which we took home for souvenirs.
Anyway, one day I thought whoever needed some lovin’ should hand the 50 to the one they wanted it from. It then becomes that person’s to pass along to another family member when they need the perks. And so on…
It always brings smiles. We do it goofy sometimes (accompanied with a lot of laughter): cheek hugs (where you press cheek to cheek) or elbow hugs (ya gotta be careful and not slip the elbows off each other) or chin hugs (ditto) or forehead hugs or shoulder hugs (pressing your shoulders together) …butterfly kisses (eyelashes)…quick hugs…etc. and normal ones too…
Last night when my youngest came up to the computer where I was sitting, I gave her the 50…and then immediately she gave it back to me (so she would receive her 50 hugs and kisses and love pats)…so now I have to pass it on again. Other times if she has kept it, she will bring it in a few nights later…
Anyway, it’s fun and instant validation.
So much of parenting is serious, so it’s always good to have some fun memories. I try to make some fun ones every day. This was really important when one of our girls was especially difficult to parent.
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Sometimes I think the harder we look for happiness, the more elusive it can be. It’s like searching for Mr. Goodbar. But if we just sit quietly, appreciating and in the moment, it sneaks up on us.
That’s not to say that we don’t have to work at it or take charge of our own happiness. Like Cathy writes below in the comments section, I often say that I fight for my happiness!
I’ve learned through the years that I need to bring happiness into my moments, if I expect to experience it. I remind myself to do those small things for myself that secure my happiness, to be good to myself, to take time to enjoy the moments that run through our fingers.
I’ve talked with a number of folks over the years and in recent weeks whose concerns are ratcheting up. They are looking to establish (more) joy in their lives in the face of negative reports and a general malaise. Concerns about the world; their finances; life in general; their health, their work, their marriage; retirement funds — anything you can think of — are stealing their peace and occupying their thoughts.
Over the years I’ve looked into happiness, read a number of books, worked on it for myself, and tried to discern what, exactly, is happiness? I don’t know that it is possible to be happy every moment, but even in the midst of problems, it is possible to be a happy person, or at least to experience joy at some level and in some moments. So happiness isn’t determined by whether a person is happy every single moment, but whether it is an attitude of heart and mind.
An analogy that came to me a number of years ago that I’ve often shared with others is this:
Every incident of goodness; every moment of joy; every good thought or deed; every kind word experienced or given; every beautiful thing we notice; every bit of gratitude we express; every note of music we hear or play; every time we appreciate something around us; every time we give or receive a compliment; every time we take time to take time is like a pearl we are stringing in our lives.
The knots in the string are life’s problems.
When we look at a strand of pearls, yes, we see the knots, but we don’t focus on them. They only serve to make the strand more beautiful. What we see is the complete strand with the individual pearls. The knots hold the pearls securely, as well as set them apart from each other so that we may better see and appreciate the individual pearls.
That seemed like enough, and for years that is what I strove to understand and share.
But this past week, when talking to someone, it occurred to me to think out loud as we were talking: What is the string?
And in an instant I listened to the idea come out of my mouth that I hadn’t yet had:
The string is happiness.
I loved the idea that there is a string of happiness moving through our lives and that we are stringing together moments of love, joy, goodness, peace — the loveliness of life — on it.
May you be blessed by this idea, as much as I was to receive it, and may today and every day be filled with many beautiful and precious blessings.
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Now, of course, they take a no-bullying stance, but it was sure a long time coming. And I’m not sure they can solve what takes place after school.
Have you ever been bullied? how did you solve it? (Me, I left quickly the place where I should not have been alone. I never told my mother either!)
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Every day brought a different clutter of emotions that came from a kaleidoscope of broken feelings. I traveled through a jungle of changing emotions — bitterness, grief, anger, guilt, and a myriad of others …Jayant Kamicheril
And he tells some sweet stories that he remembers of his son who was quite astute as our kids often are. He said he struggled to explain the rationale behind his decision to divorce after a quarter century, and his son helped him with a quirky observation:
Getting married is mostly an irrational decision, but getting divorced is always a rational one. Anand Kamicheril
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Somebody passed this to me today, and I thought it was worthwhile to pass on.
Have you ever had a day when it just started out wrong and got worse? Or maybe it started out OK and went downhill from there. Yes, it’s a truism that we take ourselves with us wherever we go — and maybe we do contribute to the over-all sense of life we are experiencing.
But what if…what if…we could see what others are going through…what if…
Got it?
What if that made our day…what if when we reach out, our day changes and so does theirs.
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I learned through years of parenting that usually there is one of three things behind a child’s tantrum: either they need food, they need sleep or they need love.
That’s such a truism for life, really. When I have a hard day, it’s generally because I need some rest, but the other two factor in also.
It reminds me of the time Elijah was under the juniper tree. He’d just fled for his life after a seeming spiritual victory (but you note God didn’t tell him to do what he did). And there he was, exhausted, asking God to take away his life, he wasn’t any different than the others.
Did God do it?
Nope. First he had him sleep. Then he fed him. Then he appeared as the still, small voice and re-energized him. And he gave him a friend in the work, Elisha.
These three things are almost a spiritual law, and I bet the rabbis had a word for it.
What is there about food that represents all the good in life. Is it because it is such a basic need?
Not too long ago I watched a friend invite another to come over. I’ll fix you breakfast, she offered. In that simple offering was all the power of providing a few wings in a free fall.
The next time you have a hard day, ask yourself if you are missing one or all of these elements, then try to consciously give them to yourself.
And if you are dealing with a recalcitrant child or some other in your life, you’ll find these help also.
I laugh when I think of the truism: the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. There’s a reason for that adage, and it applies to more than men.
I think there’s something about food disorders that gets back to the base line of love. If you struggle with this, know that you are loved and that you can love. You can rest in that.
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I saw this movie today, and it was surprisingly funny. I hadn’t particularly wanted to go, but I was glad I did.
The entire audience laughed a lot. There were only a few really dumb things, and one character I could have written out, but the main character is so delightful and watchable and innocently kind that she is a pleasure to watch. And she holds many lessons.
There are a couple of questionable things for very young children and some bad language, but not a lot. My girls would love it, at 10 and 12. I think they can handle it.
Shelley (Anna Farris is charming in the part and makes the movie) is living the life of her dreams at the Playboy Mansion. She feels the mansion has given her the home she never had before. (The movie begins with a short montage of her early childhood spent in an orphanage, until she finally found acceptance and a sense of family. This is not dwelt upon, but you might need to be aware of it.)
Hugh Hefner plays himself in several cameos in the movie. It’s good to see his health has improved. I hadn’t realized he was in it.
When Hugh goes off for a time, immediately after Shelley’s 27th birthday party, she is presented with a letter from him giving her 2 hours to leave the premises as she is now ‘too old.’ 27 is now evidently 59 in Bunny years.
How she finds herself the housemother of what likely began as Zeta (Zeta Tau Alpha) but morphed into a close cousin in name, is part of the poignancy and fun. The girls in the house need to pledge 30 girls in order not to lose their charter. How she turns them into a viable sorority is a delight.
There is a typical sorority bitch that has shown up in several movies. (And there is a Bunny bitch too.) In a way this movie is like a female version of Sydney White, but we liked it better. (The theater rated it 3 out of 5.)
It’s easy to imagine Elle Woods living this life. (Colin Hanks plays her love interest.)
She’s definitely a likeable bimbo, and you can’t help but root for her. Many scenes touched my heart.
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I’m a sucker for books on happiness, because the concept of happiness is dear to my heart, something I have to fight for, and always a little bit nebulous, almost there but a little bit out of reach.
Ricard is a French Buddhist monk and former cell biologist. He has written a number of books, which if they are as readable as this one, will join my to-read list which is getting longer and longer. I’m not very far into the book yet, but I wanted to talk about it.
Here are some of the ideas discussed in the first few pages (I could do a post on several more of them too, and might):
Is happiness a skill that, once acquired, endures through the ups and downs of life? …Happiness is … a way of interpreting the world. Matthieu Ricard
Is happiness
the radiation of joy over one’s entire existence or over the most vibrant part of one’s active past, one’s actual presence, and one’s conceivable future[?] Robert Misrahi, philosopher
How would you define ‘active past’ — (this is not discussed in the book) those things of our past that are active in consciousness today or that have long-lasting effects on our every days, whether for good or ill? compared to inactive past, that may or may not seem to have an effect on us, but are in the long-forgotten reaches of our minds?
Is happiness intentionally vague so that each person can interpret it in his or her own way? (Henri Bergson)
I like the idea that happiness is a joy that hovers over all aspects of life, that we can acquire the skills for happiness, that we can interpret happiness for ourselves. Ricard states that happiness is more than fleeting moments and causative events.
What do you think happiness is?
Would you like to read this book along with me?
I think it is possible to have happiness even in the midst of sorrow, but it takes some effort and some intentional choices. Here’s to making them!
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…things, whatever their number, contribute surprisingly little — somewhere between 8 and 15% — to our sustained happiness. Variables such as age, education, health, income, personal appearance, and even climate are ineffective at overriding our genetically determined set point.
…external factors have little impact on our level of happiness…our brains…turn out to be amazingly adapable to both good and bad circumstances…scientists can observe neurons firing most urgently to new stimuli; once nerves habituate to a situation, whatever its nature, they respond less…lottery winners …[or]paraplegic from an accident…Within a year after the event that changed their lives, they were pretty much back to their earlier level of happiness. That holds just as true for less dramatic conditions, says Lyubomirsky [professor of psychology at U of CA-Riverside and one of the originators of the happiness formula.] “If you make a stable change — …buy a bigger house… — you’ll get used to it after a while and return to your set point. It works the opposite way as well, which is why daily hassles make people very unhappy. You never get a chance to adapt because the conditions are constantly changing.” Liz Seymour
I don’t know whether this can be seen as good or bad. Good, if you are going through tough times, because you can hold onto the idea that a sense of normal will return, even if time doesn’t heal all ills, despite the adage. Bad, if you were really hoping that what you hoped for would do the trick on a permanent basis.
But isn’t it better to be aware of this than not to be and then be surprised when our highs aren’t sustained as we had thought. It takes some work to stay on top.
The same parameters that would seem to keep us at a certain happiness set point are the same parameters that lead to progress for all of us. After all, if we were happy and content with the status quo always, we’d still be in caves. A certain level of discontent and unhappiness leads us to find new solutions to old problems.
It’s the daily hassle thing we have to watch out for.
Sometimes I think it is similar to changing a channel on TV. We don’t watch a program we dislike. We shouldn’t have to think a thought just because it appears on the horizon of our consciousness. After a point, dismiss it or turn to something else to think about. Which is, of course, sometimes easier said than done, especially if we haven’t trained ourselves to do that — or didn’t realize we could.
Not so surprisingly finding things to be grateful for contributes to our happiness. Of course, sometimes I just don’t want to go there, say, if I’m mad…but eventually I do, and I do feel better. More about that (and what scientists find for those who do that) after a couple more parts.
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One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if it were possible, speak a few reasonable words. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, poet, dramatist, novelist, and philosopher (1749-1832)
I think I live by this philosophy. I bring into my life the elements I need for happiness, things of beauty.
Even fragrance exists outside the bare utility of life. It adds to life; it does not subtract. Recently someone remarked that because her month had been hectic, stressful and hard, she chose to wear scents that she felt would anchor her when dealing with the issues — scents that felt either grounding or comforting. I thought that was very astute. I also choose my scents by how I feel on a particular day. Her remarks made me think again of the mood altering effects of perfumes. We can change the way we feel by the elements we bring into our days.
And when I am happy, it brings happiness not only into my experience, but lightens those who know me.
Contrast this to the following:
One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person. -William Feather, author, editor and publisher (1889-1981)
What is happiness, anyway? I believe it exists entwined in the rest of life, including intelligence, which presumably would lead us to the things that bring us happiness, such as Goethe suggested.
Perhaps happiness is also entwined with a degree of solution-thinking. If we believe that a solution exists or could be brought to bear upon the difficulties we face or see, then we are less apt to sink into despair. I don’t have to be the one to find a particular solution. It may be enough for me to acknowledge that a solution can be found. I like to think this makes it easier for the one who is searching for a solution to find it.
I don’t think happiness is ignoring the world. Rather it is refocusing on what is beautiful in the world.
What brings you happiness? Do you make a conscious effort to include more in your life?
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When I say Merry Christmas
that’s just shorthand
for something more.
Because what I’m really wishing
is happiness that spills over
into all the ordinary days, too.
I’m wishing good gifts —
both the kind that unwrap
and the kind
that unfold over time.
I’m wishing that moments
would be sweet
and life would be kind.
And I’m wishing these things
with all my heart
when I say Merry Christmas. by Kelly Chace
May your Christmas day be happy, whether you celebrate it or not, and may it set the tone for a truly joyous and happy year to follow. Thanks for visiting!
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Our paper chronicles today a woman who is 105. She looks good! They say she has a spark.
Here’s some highlights:
She began playing the drums at 12.
A neighbor says of her:
She’s an inspiration to me. I enjoy being in her company. I look forward to visiting her; we’re both happy to see each other. She is a very popular woman. People don’t forget her.
She says she doesn’t have a formula for long life…no magic to it…other than being blessed to be happy in her home life, happy in her marriage and determined to find beauty of some sort in everyone.
I just worship the Lord, try to help add positive things to people’s lives and try to find happiness in everyday life. Maurine Engel
Bless her! I want to be her when I grow up. “Determined to find beauty of some sort in everyone…” I hear her. She also says she enjoys being around young/er people.
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Finding a market for an idea — and not taking no for an answer.
I recently read an article about David Rowland and his 40/4 stackable chairs. (40 chairs stack in a 4 foot high space.) Likely you’ve even sat in one.
Never let an idea go, if you think it is inspired. Karin
He told church friends for 8 years that he was working on his chair, and they likely thought he was crazy. But in October 1964, The New York Times put his chair on the front page because it won the Gran Prix award at the Milan Triennale (an international showcase honoring emerging design quality.)
His motive was that he wanted to help provide for his parents in their elder years.
But to get to this point, he networked with others in the field who at times told him, among other things, that there was no market for it.
Ultimately he was led to see how many chairs he could fit in a small space.
My only answer was that the idea came from God…And if it came from God, then I’d better fight for it. David Rowland
He was first offered $20,000 for the rights to the chair — a lot of money even today. He was led to turn it down, instead taking a percentage for each chair. He found that some in the company were working against him. So the contract was canceled. A short time later he ran into the national sales manager for the same company and was led to offer his hand. As they spoke together, because he acted in kindness, not resentment, the man suggested another lead. When he called them, they needed 16,000 of his chairs. That paid for the manufacturing. Millions of the chairs have been sold in 43 years, even in Europe.
He was able to provide for his mother in her retirement. (His dad died before the chair was produced.) In the years since then he has also designed other chairs for mass production.
Not only did he design the chair, but he wouldn’t give up until he found a market for it. Never let an idea go, if you think it is inspired.
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