Right now, China has slowed their international adoption program down to a crawl.
I lived this to a degree during our first adoption that took place in 1999, but while we waited, there wasn’t any news out of China, only rumors…and we waited and waited and waited…and waited…
It’s tempting to change programs. Some did. (And sometimes those other programs closed without any notice.) (In more recent years I have a friend who switched out of one of the closed programs and now has a lovely daughter from China.) And it’s tempting to simply give the idea up. Some did.
I had a friend who kept telling me no matter how long it took, it would be quicker than a biological child for me, because I had miscarried 5 times, with no end in sight, after our younger daughter.
So I waited…and waited.
I figured I didn’t have to like it.
And I waited and waited.
I always thought I was patient, but this took it to the nth. I figured patience, a grace, by definition, means you have to wait. But, I didn’t have to like it.
And every single day without exception I tried to do something good for myself and honor my feelings whatever they were. And I waited. And I journaled (on the computer.)
It’s tempting to think if something is a right idea, it will just fall into place, and for some, that’s the way it works. But it is equally true that something can be right, and it takes a whole lot to demonstrate it. And it might not be easy, but it is still right.
One effect of my interminable wait was the degree to which I’ve been able to help others since that time. I vowed I’d try to make it easier for others. As a result I’ve started many list servs, some of which were the first of their type. Most I’ve turned over to others to run. But I answer questions sent to me privately nearly every day and keep my hand in on the public lists so I have my ear to the ground.
I’ve been known to be IM’ing with people in the middle of the night our time because of the time zone they are on.
For most of us, adopting moves us out past our comfort zone. I hope my kids are glad I was able to do that.
It’s good if you can remove yourself from as many rumors as possible. They will only twist you in knots. Make your own wait as easy for yourself as you can. The quieter you are within yourself, the more you can listen for a sense of what you should do for yourself. The truth is, if your child is in China, you will just have to wait it out.
In the meantime, take this time to educate yourself to the things you should be aware of before you travel. My website is a good place to start. You can see it as a link on this page to Karin’s Family Page. Try to listen to those of us who are further down the road than you are. There’s a lot of collective wisdom out there. There aren’t many subjects in which every or all are the appropriate words, but there are some issues in TR IA that fit those parameters.
Consider the source, but if some tell you every or all, listen with your heart and mind and soul.
Some feel that they must accept any referral because they feel God gave it to them. I believe that we are given intelligence for a reason, and God expects us to use it. How you work that out is between you and God. You must know your limits and that not all things resolve with love. I heard of another disrupted adoption just in the past couple of days.
In many respects our children will be following the path of the grown Korean adoptees ahead of them. It’s not an easy path for our children. And sometimes it’s not so easy for us either. Are you up for it? Can you grow to be what they need?
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How’s this for a feel good story to start the day with!
In late 2008, a couple from South Africa crossed the Atlantic aboard the beautiful Queen Mary 2 and alongside the Queen Elizabeth 2, during the latter’s final voyage across the pond. While taking pictures of the QE2’s historic crossing, their camera slipped and disappeared into the deep blue sea.
In January of this year, fifteen months after the camera was lost, a fisherman trawling the ocean floor found the camera in his fishing net. The camera was inoperable but the memory card and photos were intact.
The fisherman viewed the photos, which included a picture of a woman standing on the deck of a ship with the QE2 at sea in the background. The fisherman contacted the BBC, where a correspondent determined that the passengers had been aboard the QM2.
Cunard was notified and the company was able to identify and locate the couple and reunite them with their photos, plucked from the bottom of the sea. Vacations to Go
Many years ago, I lost a camera in a taxi in Guangzhou. I still hope that somehow the pictures will get back to me, because they are irreplaceable. This was before I had a digital camera. It’s possible! If a camera, pictures intact, can be plucked from the sea, then anything is possible!
Sometimes you hear that still, small voice, but you don’t realize it. The day I lost the camera, when I removed everything from the taxi, the thought came to me to double check, but I didn’t follow through. I thought I had all my bags. That was a hard lesson, but one I hope not to repeat. I had my bags, but the camera had slipped out. The memories of that precious day are engraved in my heart, even if I don’t have the photos.
Have you ever had a lost item found in an unusual way or after an unusual amount of time?
Sometimes I think the best way is not to look for the item past a certain point, but wait for it to surface. I’ve found things in places I would never think to look. And I’ve also been able to replace an item several years later, after I wasn’t actively looking for it or a replacement. So where is the latest item that has gone missing! Perhaps in the same place that individual socks go.
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There is a famous prayer often called the Serenity Prayer. Sometimes we simply have to accept what is, while we work it out in thought and prayer, trying to figure out what is the difference between what we must accept and what we must try to change.
Waiting for a Chinese adoption right now falls into this category. But so do a lot of other things.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
–Reinhold Niebuhr
In letting go, we release our mental pictures of how things should turn out and accept what the universe brings us. We accept that we don’t really know how things should be. (p 186)
…surrender [is] a choice, and … it [does] not mean giving up… When we surrender, we accept it just as it is…to see that we always have choices, in every situation, is surrender. To turn away from a situation is to give up. To turn into it is surrender. (p 188-189)
Sometimes we have to turn into the wind in order to take advantage of it. The wind is going to blow anyway. The question is what are we going to do while it does?
…conditions may never change, which makes us victims of their not changing. To say, ‘I will only be peaceful if such and such happens’ is pretty limiting…I’m not talking about accepting everything that happens. If you don’t like the television show you’re watching, you don’t have to surrender to it — change the channel.
…I’m talking about situations we have decided are insurmountable obstacles to happiness….Surrendering into life as it is can be the quickest and most powerful way to get the lesson out of the situation. You can’t change your bad childhood, but you can have a good life… you can stop wasting your time and energy [on things that won't change]…[it] doesn’t mean that life is over.
…if happiness is possible tomorrow, it is also possible today. If love is possible tomorrow, it is possible today. (p 188-193)
If we have to get through a situation in order to get to the other side, then we simply have to do it, a day at a time, making each day count as best we can, making choices for happiness even as we walk the path. Nobody can tell you what works for you, but you can find it for yourself. Don’t let a day go by without finding some happiness in it. Take a moment to notice the good things around you.
…live every day to its fullest. When was the last time you really looked at the sea? Or smelled the morning? … to see the stars… to gaze out on the ocean. Many of us live near the ocean but never take the time to look at it. We all live under the stars, but do we look up at the sky? Do we really touch and taste life, do we see and feel the extraordinary, especially in the ordinary? (p 224)
There are wonderful moments waiting in this day. Go for it!
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Sometimes I think the harder we look for happiness, the more elusive it can be. It’s like searching for Mr. Goodbar. But if we just sit quietly, appreciating and in the moment, it sneaks up on us.
That’s not to say that we don’t have to work at it or take charge of our own happiness. Like Cathy writes below in the comments section, I often say that I fight for my happiness!
I’ve learned through the years that I need to bring happiness into my moments, if I expect to experience it. I remind myself to do those small things for myself that secure my happiness, to be good to myself, to take time to enjoy the moments that run through our fingers.
I’ve talked with a number of folks over the years and in recent weeks whose concerns are ratcheting up. They are looking to establish (more) joy in their lives in the face of negative reports and a general malaise. Concerns about the world; their finances; life in general; their health, their work, their marriage; retirement funds — anything you can think of — are stealing their peace and occupying their thoughts.
Over the years I’ve looked into happiness, read a number of books, worked on it for myself, and tried to discern what, exactly, is happiness? I don’t know that it is possible to be happy every moment, but even in the midst of problems, it is possible to be a happy person, or at least to experience joy at some level and in some moments. So happiness isn’t determined by whether a person is happy every single moment, but whether it is an attitude of heart and mind.
An analogy that came to me a number of years ago that I’ve often shared with others is this:
Every incident of goodness; every moment of joy; every good thought or deed; every kind word experienced or given; every beautiful thing we notice; every bit of gratitude we express; every note of music we hear or play; every time we appreciate something around us; every time we give or receive a compliment; every time we take time to take time is like a pearl we are stringing in our lives.
The knots in the string are life’s problems.
When we look at a strand of pearls, yes, we see the knots, but we don’t focus on them. They only serve to make the strand more beautiful. What we see is the complete strand with the individual pearls. The knots hold the pearls securely, as well as set them apart from each other so that we may better see and appreciate the individual pearls.
That seemed like enough, and for years that is what I strove to understand and share.
But this past week, when talking to someone, it occurred to me to think out loud as we were talking: What is the string?
And in an instant I listened to the idea come out of my mouth that I hadn’t yet had:
The string is happiness.
I loved the idea that there is a string of happiness moving through our lives and that we are stringing together moments of love, joy, goodness, peace — the loveliness of life — on it.
May you be blessed by this idea, as much as I was to receive it, and may today and every day be filled with many beautiful and precious blessings.
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Somebody passed this to me today, and I thought it was worthwhile to pass on.
Have you ever had a day when it just started out wrong and got worse? Or maybe it started out OK and went downhill from there. Yes, it’s a truism that we take ourselves with us wherever we go — and maybe we do contribute to the over-all sense of life we are experiencing.
But what if…what if…we could see what others are going through…what if…
Got it?
What if that made our day…what if when we reach out, our day changes and so does theirs.
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Speaking of wrestling again…I knew I had this day coming up and put it into the mix of what I was thinking, praying, worrying about…
This morning I headed out at the dark hour of 4:30 to drop our visitor at the airport. It was surprising how many cars were out that early and even one jogger. He drove to the airport, and I drove home. I was glad to see what I was capable of doing — and on very little sleep.
Generally I’m not the one to head out when it is this early. A lot of our roads are in various stages of repair or adding lanes, so every day is a new experience, as far as knowing what you are going to find on the drive. You can’t count on things being the same even two days in a row.
I had worried about this ahead of time, but found it entirely possible to do in the moment.
There was more traffic when I headed home. The signs leaving the airport were marked clearly enough that I didn’t take any wrong turns, as I had done once a long time ago, or end up circling the airport ad infinitum. The airport itself is bigger and more involved than it used to be.
About half way home the sky began to lighten moment by moment. As I entered my street, the sky was particularly lovely, backlit by the beginnings of the sunrise, which couldn’t yet be seen. I wanted to engrave it in my memory. The only way I would have seen it was to have been out in it, which I usually am not.
I was grateful for the moments of beauty and for the fact that I had demonstrated another strength. I may have to call upon a number of them as days go by. It also became clearer to stay in the moment, as I have been doing, because my worry for the morning was unnecessary. That’s something to remember. It reminded me of these words from a beloved hymn:
From strength to strength go on;
O wrestle, fight, and pray;…
And win the well-fought day.
Charles Wesley
OTOH, thinking ahead, or worry if you will, gave me an opportunity to think about it, a sort of prayer, and not to be blindsided by any difficulties. I was able to order my time better.
If worry becomes crippling, it is time to move it off. But for it to get to the point of being crippling, it has to begin at smaller levels. There’s a balance between worry and preparation.
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2009 was a good year. Any time one’s health is good, and that of one’s family and friends, it is a good year. Then throw in a few good times, a lotta good perfumes, some good books and movies, and it becomes a very good year indeed.
It’s always nice to put some thought into those things we love.
Best Perfumery Trends in 2009:
It has to be oud, which is everywhere, suddenly for us in the west, but always a presence in the east. I am not located in a place easy for access to many of these, so I’m personally limited in knowledge to the ones I’ve sampled.
First, perfumes.
As for perfumes, remember I’m in the back of beyond as far as easily sniffing some of the lines, so if you have a favorite or are a favorite, if I have samples, I’ll be glad to add my voice.
Best expensive niche:
Andy Tauer Une Rose Chyprée: A wearable rose, with vintage aspects, not quite dirty.
Anything by Ormonde Jayne or Andy Tauer or Ayala Moriel or Neil Morris or…
Best less expensive niche
Anything by Sonoma Scent.
Best in fragrances more easily found, some niche: Kilian Back to Black Kilian Pure Oud
Guerlain exclusives, take your pick. I like a number of them, including Moscow, Double Vanilla, 68, Chypre Fatale, La Petite Robe Noire…then there’s also Mon Precieux Nectar…I buy from Guerlain @ Palazzo in Las Vegas, ask for Claire. Call (702) 732-7008 or email: GuerlainPalazzo.STORE@lvmhuspc.com. Be sure to tell him that you heard it from me. (I saw them recently on a trip more locally, but the sales agent blew the sale with me. That’ll teach her, LOL!)
Serge Lutens, take your pick.
Prada, the original, and L’eau Ambree.
Chanel exclusives — I like Coromandel.
Best surprising fragrances Le Jardin Retrouvé should be more fully known. I was glad to get a chance to review them.
Best inexpensive fragrances
Make Me Smooth
Bathed and Infused
Skin care that really works:
These are not new for 2009, but they still are going strong, and more importantly, work.
Best Moderate to expensive
Arbonne products RE9 or FC5; RE9 for the body is terrific.
Estee Lauder New Perfectionist CP+
La Prairie Cellular Anti-wrinkle Firming Serum; Cellular Hydrating is good too.
Best inexpensive skincare
Avon Ultimate Gold or Anew Alternative Intensive Age Treatment
Best cosmetic trends 2009
Minerals, everywhere. Some much better than others in texture and look.
Best color products, Not Mineral High end
Chanel
Less expensive
Arbonne
Aromaleigh
Maybelline
NYX
Best lip gloss
MAC dazzlers comes in first
Beaute
Arbonne
Chanel
Best mineral niche
Aromaleigh or Fyrinnae
Best new product
Kindle 2 International — would be made better if it incorporated the ease of reading library ebooks, if our library had any. Please send us a free wireless download to add this in order to be competitive with Sony’s ereader. (Elena, you will really enjoy yours! Congrats on receiving it as a gift this Christmas.)
The best things in life are still free
You can find a gazillion free ebooks to read on your Kindle or other ebook reader before you even consider buying any ebooks.
Don’t forget to take time to view sunrises or sunsets or enjoy seeing bodies of water, free to all if we but take the time.
Internet friendships that become RL friendships. This is an amazing time we live in, when we can be instantly connected to friends around the world. You know who you are! I regularly keep in touch with friends in Europe and China, as well as at home from coast to coast. Not to mention checking in on blogs and yahoogroups I love that originate anywhere.
The qualities of hope, inspiration, gratitude, happiness, safety…
Don’t forget prayer…
What are your favorites?
I’m sure I left something out…
If I think of anything amazing, I will add it as the day goes on…
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I first saw this at a friend’s blog. It is a song detailing the deep desire to have a child. It is very touching. Kelly took time off from singing to pursue having a child. She now has a son.
I think of this song as a kind of prayer. I knew the feeling. I too had five miscarriages after our daughter.
There are many ways to have a child. I birthed two of mine, and I went to China for two. While I was miscarrying, a friend adopted two children domestically. She was way ahead of where I was during those difficult times. And someone else I know had triplets through infertility treatment.
If you are waiting, hoping, praying, crying, laughing, begging, wondering, puzzled for a child, hang in…and you will find your path.
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I don’t know about you, but while generally I feel balanced about my life because I have learned to pace myself, every once in a while the proverbial s(tuff) (ha!) hits the fan, and I realize I’ve gone way past go without collecting $200. I am way, way past toast.
…too many things on my plate, too much to do and too little time.
…a few too many demands on me, with no easy way to eliminate any of them.
…the candle burned at both ends, only to find it has burnt me.
…too many choices, and I feel simply done making choices, at least for today.
Sound familiar?
What if you feel out of sync with everything and everybody — and you know, you hardly care!
And to top it off, you are surrounded by chronic complainers — and you find yourself fighting the urge to join the crowd.
Even worse, you stand before your fragrances with not a clue what sounds good to wear — you know something is wrong then!
And forget email!
Life gets in the way
But wait a minute! This is your life. And finding a way back to balance is part of it. You don’t have to sit and sink.
What’s a body to do?
As Kermit used to say, it isn’t easy being green. But if you’re green, a better way to green is the way to go.
Be yourself
Don’t try to be somebody else. Who cares if someone else can juggle all the balls without one falling? This is your life. Cut back on one or two balls until you get the flow of all the balls in the air again.
Take a break.
Make some tea. Put your feet up. Read a book. Think about something else. Play some music. Do something for you.
Delegate
Look for help at work or at home. Don’t quit until you find some. Family members can do their fair share.
Relax.
Get more rest, whether it is sleep or an activity that rejuvenates you. Lay in a hammock. Take life a little slower. Don’t hit the road running; ease into your day. Meditate. Pray. Listen.
Be active Engage in life
Take a walk. Feel the breeze. Listen to the birds. Watch the kids playing. See a friend. Make a friend. Make room for something new.
Play
Do something that’s fun. You have permission.
What is your favorite way to cut back, rejuvenate or get into balance?
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Sometimes it doesn’t do to think too much about pain and suffering. The adage Into a life a little rain must fall is a truism none of us want to meet. Seriously.
And the painful world and individual events we see can overwhelm us to the point where, until we get our head above water, solutions seem illusive at best and more often impossible.
This isn’t a post about whose pain is greater or what constitutes pain. Pain is pain. If someone is in pain, whether it is something we think is painful is practically irrelevant.
If you are going through tough times, be kind to yourself.
The other day while surfing the Net I came to an interesting anonymous comment on a blog. It set me to thinking. I think you could interchange the words pain and suffering. And I’m not sure I’d agree with easily endured, maybe possibly more easily endured. Sometimes ya gotta endure it, easy or not. There isn’t any other life choice. But you don’t have to like it!
Pain is often easily endured if it has a noble purpose. Suffering is pain that is lacking in purpose. When we care for others, even if it may cause us difficulty, it is our calling, and has purpose.
On the flip side, if we are suffering, we can search for the purpose. What do we need to learn? How can we grow? How can we become stronger through the pain (analogy- weight lifting)? Often suffering can be transformed into healing when the purpose is revealed and aligned to God’s light of truth and love. Anonymous
I liked the idea of searching for a purpose in pain, even a noble one, not that we always see a purpose, especially in the moment. That is too simplistic. But in the analogy given, if we are caring for a loved one and it is difficult, there is a transcendent purpose in it, even if we can’t see it, or if we have to fight to see it.
When I think of people who have gone through some difficult circumstance, some terrible grief or tragedy, then go on to use that circumstance to help others, I see that a purpose is found, sometimes changing life directions. Out of that difficult circumstance meaning is forged.
It might not take away grief, but it gives an energy to life’s endeavors. It is more than taking life’s lemons to make lemonade. That hardly defines it. It is wresting it out of the rock.
I was touched by this modern day example:
Fighting to change adoption laws in Korea, Jane Trenka, a Korean adoptee, when asked why she is devoting herself to this cause says:
“For my mother. My mother died but if I don’t try to change things, my suffering has no meaning.” Jane Trenka
Have you found times in your life when your life changed directions or your energies were directed when finding meaning in life’s difficulties?
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We realize that this moment holds everything within it, the resolved and the unresolved, the past and the future, and that it is from this moment that we must live our lives. Daily OM 4-30-07
I was struck by the phrase the resolved and the unresolved. We can’t fight our human-ness or the human condition in which the resolved and the unresolved are side by side. It simply is. To hope for all resolutions all the time is to discount the human condition in which we perceive dimly more often than not. Clarity is a great gift, but it comes in moments, with more than a little inconsistencies.
At any given moment we might have more of one than the other in our lives…or our lives might seem to be totally one or the other. Keeping on keeping on leads us to the next step and then the next, when dealing with the unresolved, until what can be resolved might be.
There have been times in my life when everything that was resolveable was resolved…and what wasn’t I tried not to dwell on.
You can’t force resolutions, that’s for sure. But we can be open to them. Sometimes it is time, and sometimes it is actions that lead to resolutions. Some resolutions are just evidence of grace in our lives because we can’t take any credit at all.
If you are dealing with the unresolved, take heart if you have taken steps or are being led to steps you might take. God will open a way, even if it takes years. I can think of one partial resolution that took 15 years to appear in my life. If you don’t know what to do, think, pray, listen … and somehow you will find your way out. Perhaps a good idea from a friend…or a book…or a thought comes to the rescue.
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I think respite care begins with ourselves. We have to know (or seek to know) what we need, then take some steps, even baby steps, to find space in our lives for respite. We need to ask and let others know, if we need it.
Respite care is talked about in the adoption community, for some children have needs (or problems) greater than one or two parents could fulfill or even handle. It can be very tricky finding any kind of care, and it sometimes involves residential care for the child/teen.
Respite care is likely also talked about in other communities of folks dealing with specific health issues or other.
Of course, there are other kinds of caregiving and caregivers, but the bulk of caregiving still falls on a woman’s shoulders, whether she is caring for her or her spouse’s parents, for a child, a house, or for her husband.
The need to call 911 can be life defining whether it involves something as ’simple’ as lift support or as complex as emergency care or transport.
A friend writes:
I guess we don’t really understand how much we need people until there’s a crisis. Without the health issues [that some face with their husbands], I’m having the same feelings about my husband. I don’t think I’ve ever been so solicitous or considerate of him as I’ve been these last two months since he took this new job.
Meanwhile, I think that we get caught up in the non-reality of a situation and don’t really grok what exactly is going on. That was true on the street in NYC when I almost lost our son while my husband went to get the wheelchair. We didn’t seem to have much of a clue. I think that could be said for another friend and her son, that the surreal-ness of the experience at the end there had so overwhelmed them, created a disbelief and an inability to actually SEE what was going on. I think calling 911, for the average person, is an act of huge significance. We are taught to be so polite and to ask for little, not to take up too much space.
I’m currently reading Inner Peace for Busy Women by Joan Borysenko. I’m a little put off by the cutsy green ink, but I like what she writes about, and it is another book that I will own.
I was surprised to find a chapter on caregiving. Again, I borrowed this book from the library, as I’m reading several of her books having just ‘found’ her as an author.
She writes:
On a trip to India in the 1980s, I spent a few weeks in a small village, where a schizophrenic woman, talking to herself continually with great agitation, lived under a large banyan tree. Different villagers visited her every few hours, brought food, and cared for all her needs. But most of us no longer live in extended families of close-knit communities where such care is common. We live neither in the welcoming shelter of a banyan tree, nor in the warm embrace of one another. Those who do reap significant benefits as far as health and peace of mind are concerned. p 141
I think especially this phrase stood out to me: warm embrace of one another. I suspect many of our homeless have been left to fend for themselves now that they have been de-institutionalized, but there wasn’t another embrace for them, nor a way to be sure they were sound enough to care for themselves wisely.
Contrast the scene in the Indian village with a trip my then 11 year old daughter and I took to Paris about 10 years ago. We were surprised to find in the heat of summer, in a new hotel, there was no air conditioning. Our first room was in the back among sheltering trees and whether it was hot or not, the trees made the heat bearable. Through the night there was a woman who yelled continually, but there was no traffic noise. It was impossible to sleep. At some point, a man yelled out the French equivalent of SHUT UP! The next day we moved to the front of the hotel, no trees, with tremendous road noise right up until about 3 am when it quieted down until about 5 am, and not a breath of air, but the sounds of the traffic muffled any noises she was making. I saw her on the street at one point later in the day. I think I prayed for her just about the whole night.
We could learn a lot from societies such as India. How many of us would long for a banyan tree, for the warm embrace of another to help us get through?
Take the time to figure out, if you can, what would nurture you, if you are care giving. Often it comes in unexpected ways, if we are open to it.
Karin
The Lord is my care-giver
written for all those in need of care and for all those who are giving it
Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.
Psalm 23 and Luke 10:25-37
The Lord is my caregiver; I will not fear.
How precious is this thought: that He cares for me!
I love the parable of the Good Samaritan –
its gentle message stands forever,
as the epitome of God’s own care:
the wounded left for dead by thieves in certain dread
the passersby who left him for their own chagrin
the neighbor true who bound the wounds, though not a Jew
the hotelier who offered place in which to find embrace
the simple ease with which the wounded had release
the money found to deal with every round
the needs all met by tender ministration in this vignette.
The mercy of the Lord is shown in ever-sweet accord:
whether I am care-giver or care-receiver,
I will not fear that I am alone, or that I will be uncared for.
The presence of the Lord ensures my care.
He enables care to be given that is not a burden.
He brings the care I need so I have intercede.
Both care-giver and care-receiver are in His plan.
O Lord, I give this care to You, for I know
that You are both my care-taker and my care-giver.
With You, I know that my burden is easy, for You are there.
Help me to appreciate my neighbor: each one to know as he is known.
Help me to see myself as You are seeing: forever in the care that You have shown.
Surely care-giving and care-receiving have followed me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in His mercy, well-cared for everyday, forever. (c)
Cosmetics and beauty, more than a hobby Once upon a time in a previous lifetime, at least it seems that way, it was so many years ago -- I taught professional makeup. I enjoy the fashion aspects of it; I enjoy tweaking...
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The Third Man Factor is an interesting concept. Evidently it should be The Fourth Man Factor, but
It was [Sir Ernest] Shackleton’s experience that inspired the term “Third Man factor” (although for his group it was actually a “fourth man” — T.S. Eliot misremembered the number when he wrote his poem The Waste Land, which popularized the idea). Geiger
The new book out by John Geiger sounds like a fascinating read.
Plus you can get this book for your Kindle.
The Third Man Factor is an extraordinary account of how people at the very edge of death experience the sense of an unseen presence beside them who encourages them to make one final effort to survive. This incorporeal being offered them a feeling of hope, protection, and guidance, and left the person convinced he or she was not alone. There is a name for this phenomenon: It’s called the Third Man Factor.
If only a handful of people had ever encountered the Third Man, it might be dismissed as an unusual delusion shared by a few overstressed minds. But over the years, the experience has occurred again and again, to 9/11 survivors, mountaineers, divers, polar explorers, prisoners of war, sailors, shipwreck survivors, aviators, and astronauts. All have escaped traumatic events only to tell strikingly similar stories of having sensed the close presence of a helper or guardian. The force has been explained as everything from hallucination to divine intervention. Recent neurological research suggests something else. Amazon
You can read a long excerpt from his book here. One of the stories he relates is of Ron DiFrancesco who was the last person to make it out of the South Tower alive. He felt such a presence. It came to him as a voice, telling him what to do, encouraging him to survive, changing the direction in which he headed.
One of the interesting things to me was to learn this phenomena has existed in many places. I suppose I would prefer to think of the man as an angel or of Christ. It reminds me of the Biblical story of the three men thrown in the fiery furnace, but witnesses saw a fourth man walking.
He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God. Dan 3:25
Do you find this interesting?
Do you find it as interesting as I do to have a kind of substantiation of the Bible story by modern day experiences? I take things on faith, but it is good to have proofs of a sort anyway, not that all the proofs in the world would change someone’s mind that is already made up.
I can’t say I’ve ever felt a presence per se, but I have had words come to me as thoughts. I have never been in any extreme survival situation.
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One of my favorite Bible passages is when God speaks to Abram, calling him out of Ur of the Chaldees to a place he yet does not know.
2 And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing [my emphasis]: 3 …and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed. Genesis 12
I realize that this was a divine message to Abram, but I feel God says something similar to each of us every moment, that we can use our moments to be a blessing, not simply to give one. Perhaps we need to learn to listen to the extent that Abram did.
If we believe that all life is interconnected, then when we are being a blessing in some way it does bless the whole world. (I don’t like to think about the converse. Ouch.)
It pays to be mindful of our moments, rather than rushing through them to get to the next place or moment. And maybe that gives a small insight into the popular phrase pay it forward.
I came across a lovely blog this morning, Jake’s World. He brings out the importance in music, as in life, of not hurrying to the last note, but savoring the entire piece. (I am guilty sometimes of moving the cursor in youtubes, are you?)
But in “the waiting game,” we can be so focused on what will be (the final note of music) that we miss what is. Within the waiting game is a subtle (or not-so-subtle) belief that tomorrow will be better than today. Now, that may be true. But today is the time and place to make a difference. It’s the only time and place we have any influence over. Jake
And he was listening to this, as I am thanks to him, as he wrote:
Gerald Finzi – Eclogue for Piano and Strings
He goes on to say:
Benjamin Zander, author of “The Art of Possibility” and conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, has a phrase that fits for me. He encourages people to be a contribution. Not to “make” a contribution, but to “be” one. Putting this idea into practice is as simple as throwing yourself into life as someone who makes a difference, accepting that you may not understand how or why. And, by being a contribution, you are one—not tomorrow, not when the waiting ends, but during the waiting! Now. Jake
Try to recognize today the places where you are making a difference, because you are and you do. We are more than a place-holder, we are ourselves the place God shines through.
Here’s something I wrote a while ago:
The Lord is my secret place of calm
written for one whose life is unraveling
Order my steps in your word. Ps 119:133
Psalm 23 and Psalm 91
karin@savvythinker.com
The Lord is my sense of calm; I will not be frenzied.
Calm me down, Lord, and let me hear Your peaceful thoughts.
Today was a rush from the word ‘go.’
Too many things, too many demands –
some for work, some for fun –
(even the fun seems a demand when worked in at top speed)
writing this as I drive – trying to hold the thoughts –
working it in – getting it done – more than I thought –
still it’s a race – calm me down, Lord, –
let me feel Your presence in my walk today.
Let me show forth Your face to all I see:
peace that includes all, that lets You order my day.
Calm me down Lord, so I can pray.
This is a prayer, for all that I meet,
for all that I talk to or see today,
that all they will find, or all they will see,
is Your peace in mine: deep peace of Mind.
Limits drop off, constraints fall away.
I can do three things at once today.
All will get done –
the accomplishment’s Yours.
I feel Your presence opening doors.
Lines were not long.
Traffic was light.
I prayed through it all
that it would not be just flight.
And running an errand (and running it was)
I heard myself paged before I was gone:
my credit card was returned without any muss
or having to retrace my steps while I fussed.
Your calm was there to quiet me down:
I never hurried, I just got it done.
Surely Your peace and calm have followed me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell (never hurried) in Your secret place of calm forever.
Thanks be to God for His wonderful sense of calm!
Karin
www.savvythinker.com
don’t steal my posts you know who you are
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Somehow when I think of the phrase mixed blessings, I think of what I can remember from the movie Tender Mercies. Even the expressions seem to go together.
Perhaps mixed blessings are evidence of tender mercies.
Or perhaps it is that blessings come in the midst of life, where the whole package deal is not necessarily only blessings. We can have blessings in the midst of difficult times or difficult circumstances. When that happens, I always feel a sort of angel’s wing on my shoulder, an encouragement to keep on going.
Recently I heard an older man speak about the importance of doing something or doing something good, even if we can’t do it perfectly. Because, presumably, if we wait until we can do it perfectly, it would never be done. Even doing something half way or partially completed may be better than doing nothing.
It reminds me of doing errands. They are never finished.
John Updike’s stories of a troubled marriage are gathered for the first time in hardback, The Maples Stories. I doubt I will read them.
I have a hard time getting into Updike’s writing style. I also found them difficult to read for their, I think, negativity, and I suppose when they first came out, I was too young to appreciate them. I found them dated and misogynistic even them. But:
They are as true today as when they were written. Heller McAlpin 8-23-09 Christian Science Monitor p 43
The moral of these stories is that all blessings are mixed. Also, that people are incorrigibly themselves. John Updike
That last sentence made me laugh — people are incorrigibly themselves. Best not to try to change them, that is a place only for the divine, unless you are moved by an angel.
Here’s a quote I like about angel’s doing our errands:
And how is man, seen through the lens of Spirit, enlarged, and how counterpoised his origin from dust, and how he presses to his original, never severed from Spirit! …Then will angels administer grace, do thy errands, and be thy dearest allies. The divine law gives to man health and life everlasting — gives a soul to Soul, a present harmony wherein the good man’s heart takes hold on heaven, and whose feet can never be moved. These are His green pastures beside still waters, where faith mounts upward, expatiates, strengthens, and exults. Mary Baker Eddy
Do you like Updike’s works?
If so, what should I try to read?
And how about blessings?
Do you make them count? Do you gather them up in a journal perhaps so you don’t forget them? Try to find a few blessings every day in your days — and make them count! Don’t forget some of these blessings are how you bless someone else.
Karin
www.savvythinker.com
don’t steal my posts — you know who you are!
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