Savvy Thinker » Forgiveness http://savvythinker.com thinking about life, playing with makeup Tue, 22 May 2012 15:37:11 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Review girl meets GOD a memoir by Lauren F. Winner http://savvythinker.com/review-girl-meets-god-a-memoir-by-lauren-f-winner/ http://savvythinker.com/review-girl-meets-god-a-memoir-by-lauren-f-winner/#comments Wed, 02 May 2012 17:55:00 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/?p=8430
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    • ]]>

    girl meets GOD is the third book I've read by Lauren F. Winner, though it is the first that she wrote. I got it from the library.

    She organizes the book mostly around the Christian calendar -- Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Holy Week, Eastertide, Pentecost, Advent -- and ties it to the Jewish calendar when it applies. The first chapter is Sukkot.

    Winner is a seeker after God. She collects an impressive library of Jewish works by the time she is in her teens, then gives them away when she becomes a Christian, then re-buys many of them to re-build her library. She is earnest. It is obvious that she wants to be her best at what she believes, from her converting to Orthodox Judaism (her father was a Reform Jew)(her mother a lapsed Baptist) to her driving a couple of hours away for an Episcopal priest to hear her confessions, even though she has confessed them to God and made an effort to leave them behind.

    She is not a virgin, and she writes frankly of trying to reconcile that to church teachings (and her confessions.) Additionally, she has written an online article about sexuality (which I read) and a book (which I have no interest in reading.) Her online article was not well received by some Christians. She feels it is unlikely that people will remain celibate into their 30's, if they postpone marrying until that time.

    Because I read all three books over a relatively short time, with a lot of interruptions by life, the books have run on together in my thoughts. The one easiest to read was Mudhouse Sabbath (see my review here.) That one ties together the two elements of her religious life, Judaism and Christianity. It shows how having a deep understanding of Judaism permeates and enriches her Christian faith. (It did many of the early converts to Christianity also, though she doesn't mention this.)

    What drew her to Christianity?
    The long and short of it: she read extensively, to the point that her Jewish friends commented on it, that it didn't make sense to them. She had a dream. She fell in love with Jesus. I think she was drawn to the ideas of atonement, forgiveness and heaven.

    Also, the farther she drifted from Judaism, none of her Jewish friends pulled her back or encouraged her in her faith walk of Judaism.

    What happens when she converts to Christianity?
    She loses friendships in the Orthodox Jewish community. It deeply disturbs her father. Later, both her father and her mother (who are divorced) are drawn more into their own faith traditions. Her father becomes active in the synagogue, and her mother becomes active in the Episcopalian church.

    In some ways she wrote this book as an apology to her Jewish friends, and with the hope that Christians might learn something about Judaism.

    My take:
    I give it 2 stars out of 4.

    I got tired of this book, perhaps because I know what follows in her later books. It got tedious. She has been called self-indulgent. In some ways, following along with her is an emotional roller-coaster. She deals with her jealousy of a friend's marriage and pregnancy -- and more.

    As I said, she is earnest, but it's as if, to me, she is trying so hard, because she isn't exactly sure what would happen if she didn't. There comes a point at which one rests in one's faith, while not being complacent. It is who one is, not so much the outward symbols of what one does, though how one acts is definitely important.

    Have you read it?
    What did you think?

    You can find my reviews of Still: notes on a mid-faith crisis here.

    It is available for Kindle:

    Karin
    www.savvythinker.com


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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/review-girl-meets-god-a-memoir-by-lauren-f-winner/feed/ 0     Review STILL: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis by Lauren F Winner http://savvythinker.com/review-still-notes-on-a-mid-faith-crisis-by-lauren-f-winner/ http://savvythinker.com/review-still-notes-on-a-mid-faith-crisis-by-lauren-f-winner/#comments Wed, 02 May 2012 15:47:52 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/?p=8421
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    This is the book that started me reading books by Lauren F. Winner, when I read a review of the book. It sounded interesting.

    It was, and it wasn't, at least for me. Dark nights of the soul are not uncommon to those in or out of religion. It's likely proverbial that each person's dark night is dark to them, and it's not a contest to see whose is darker or what problems or grief precipitate the crisis. And there really is no satisfactory answer, in the throes of a crisis, why one is in it.

    In Mudhouse Sabbath (see my review here) Winner is looking forward to her marriage and complimentary of her husband-to-be. This book chronicles her crisis of faith when she is miserably unhappy in her marriage and decides after much prayer and unhappiness to divorce him after six years.

    She says very little about their marriage, but you can read between the lines. I had a couple of pretty good ideas.

    She does not write anything negative about her husband, but she wends her way through her own crisis. It doesn't help her, some of the things that are said to her (for example, that it is a sin for her to divorce.) Her ex-husband is well thought of and seems not to show any signs of the crisis, at least in this book.

    Her mother dies shortly before her marriage, after a long struggle with illness, and that doesn't help the beginning of her marriage.

    Her faith path
    In her short life, she has gone through moderate interest in Judaism (her father was Jewish, her mother was not), to Orthodox Judaism, to Christianity, falling in love with Jesus. Even her friends wonder if she will move past Christianity. So far, she has not. She is ordained in the Episcopal church, since this book came out. She also teaches at Duke Divinity School in North Carolina.

    It is both interesting and profound, as well as sad, that in one of her books, she chronicles one of the reasons why she left Judaism -- for one thing, no one went after her to shepherd her back, to ask her why she had stopped going to shul, or where she was physically or mentally. In this book she feels that when she couldn't pray for herself or even go to church, she felt she had friends who were praying for her.

    Additionally she says that while she converted to Orthodox Judaism (because one is considered a Jew if one's mother is, regardless of whether one's father is) in many ways it did not count -- and her then-boyfriend's mother did not accept her -- and neither fully did he, because he hoped to have large family (both sides) gatherings at the various important days of Judaism when he married. Ironically, he later seriously dates a girl who is not Jewish at all, so much for all that. We all wonder what his mother would think then.

    These are salient points to think about for the expression of our own faith traditions -- do we pay attention if someone disappears? do we fully accept them if they weren't born into it? do we continue to show love? what if our children are dating or marry someone not of our faith?

    What do we say to someone deep in a crisis -- and do we even care what they are going through? (Perhaps our own life is in tatters.) Caring will cover over many a mis-statement, but saying the wrong thing without love is a sure turn-off.

    In an interview with Kim Shippey, after he read the book, she told him

    that the spiritual life can be summarized as a process of meeting God again and again. “I will say that there was a season of alienation between God and me—a standoff, perhaps. Still chronicles the tail end of the standoff and the beginning of a reacquaintance. . . . I encounter God in sermon-writing. In my fear. Sometimes in silence. I know God to be present in my conversations with friends, in my classroom. In my failures. In my merrymaking and in my sorrow.” Christian Science Sentinel p 20 4-9-2012

    As she says in this book:

    “I am not a saint. I am, however, beginning to learn that I am a small character in a story that is always fundamentally about God.”


    Have you read it?     What did you think?
    Do you have a favorite of her books or articles?

    My take
    I give this book 2 stars out of 5, only because faith stories and faith crisis are an interest of mine, and having gone through some deep waters myself, I read other people's stories to see how they come out the other side. But this book seems to me to wallow more than a bit and also to whine. It doesn't help that those she goes to for spiritual comfort and advice do not give it. (Similar to many stories, actually.)

    My advice is to read the chapter at the end of the book with questions and answers, then skim through the rest of the book. That chapter gives an overview of what she learned -- the book is almost a moment by moment diary.

    It is also available for Kindle:

    You can read my review of Girl Meets God here.

    Karin
    www.savvythinker.com


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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/review-still-notes-on-a-mid-faith-crisis-by-lauren-f-winner/feed/ 0     Mean girls http://savvythinker.com/mean-girls/ http://savvythinker.com/mean-girls/#comments Mon, 16 Apr 2012 00:48:55 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/03/09/mean-girls/
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    Written in 2007:
    One of my girls got in the car crying yesterday. Mean girls. Mean girls. Don't know if she contributed some or not, but she is sweetly sensitive which sometimes makes you a target.

    She went off to school this morning hoping there wouldn't be a repeat.

    I told her about college girl's forays into mean girl territory when she was in high school and junior high. I told her some of what I had faced. I told her about books that have been written about this phenomena.

    And college girl came home last night for spring break so she talked to her too.

    And I asked her if there was anything she wanted me to do. Did she want me to talk to the teacher, etc?

    Meantime we had one of her friends over for play and dinner, which helped a lot. I encouraged her not to say too much as it sometimes comes back to haunt you. But this other friend said that mean girl had been really nice until she got with a couple of other girls.

    Well, you know how you don't think of things to say in the moment, but maybe years later.

    I got to laughing with college girl and her, and I said, laughing, you should have asked her if she had a kleenex.

    Why? said younger girl.

    I said, because then you could say because she was being a snot!

    My bad.

    So far as I know, this is original to me. When telling a friend and her 20ish daughter, her daughter thought it was funny and clever.

    I also told my girl not to really say this, but if she thought it in her mind, it might help her laugh about it some.

    She mentioned that to me in the car this morning.

    Two movies my girls love are Mean Girls and 13 Going On 30 . We talked about them too.

    They know the concept of mean girls, but it's different bearing the brunt of it.

    Have you had successes with overcoming mean girl syndrome?

    Written in 2012:
    The ultimate mean girls-grown-up show on TV now is GCB, based on the book Good Christian Bitches, which we are thoroughly enjoying. It is both funny and touching -- and over the top and a spoof in many ways. Amanda was the ultimate mean girl in high school, but she has now changed and is back in Dallas, but the three women who still are in Dallas don't realize it. Each actor and actress are skilled comedic players, with perfect timing.

    Carleen is played by Kristin Chenowith. Amanda's mother, Gigi, is played by Annie Potts. (This is especially funny to me, because that is what my grandkids call me -- name chosen by my son and daughter-in-law.) I love Cricket and Blake. What I've found is that all the characters have love for each other -- you have to wait until the last 5 minutes of every show, because there is usually a surprise. And there's always some singing, usually in the church choir.

    Here's Annie Potts on the View:

    Karin

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    Originally posted 2007-03-09 12:19:49.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/mean-girls/feed/ 2     Eric Clapton, I get lost http://savvythinker.com/eric-clapton-i-get-lost/ http://savvythinker.com/eric-clapton-i-get-lost/#comments Fri, 06 Apr 2012 20:57:48 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/02/07/eric-clapton-i-get-lost/
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    What a lovely song...

    I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I get lost inside my tears...You're angry...You're angry...You're lost inside your tears, and there's nothing I can do.

    Originally posted 2007-02-07 12:16:39.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/eric-clapton-i-get-lost/feed/ 0     Entwined fate(s) and forgiveness http://savvythinker.com/entwined-fates-and-forgiveness/ http://savvythinker.com/entwined-fates-and-forgiveness/#comments Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:20:51 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/07/20/entwined-fates-and-forgiveness/
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    To say, my fate is not tied to your fate, is like saying, your end of the boat is sinking. Hugh Downs

    Forgiveness is not an elective in the curriculum of life. It is a required course, and the exams are always tough to pass.
    Charles Swindoll

    These two quotes happened to be side by side in my miscellaneous quote file. I thought, I think they look like they could go together. So I've been thinking of them that way. I'm not sure how to tie them in so it would make sense if your thoughts weren't following the same path. It's easier for me to see it, than to write it.

    Maybe it's just the syncretism I see in tying them together. If all parts are necessary for the whole, then it stands to some sort of reason that we need all parts, that we are not as separate as we think.

    I think we all learn forgiveness, but I'm not sure all-forgiveness is possible in this life (or maybe even a goal.) We do what we can with what we have, and throw some grace in that makes things possible that are not ordinarily possible, and that's about all I can say about that. And somehow our fates are tied together, forgiveness or not. The required course is tough, but a passing grade is all that is required, not perfection. I think passing can be a sliding scale depending on what we are dealing with, do you? Mercy and grace cover a multitude of falling short of the goal, when we are still doing our best to see our way through.

    And somehow, it makes me think, today, of the last HP book in the series. Maybe not the forgiveness part, but the entwined fates part. And how much friendship can make our path easier, even if it is hard.

    And it made me laugh to think of only one end of a boat sinking. As if!

    Karin

    Originally posted 2007-07-20 16:55:20.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/entwined-fates-and-forgiveness/feed/ 2     Nicholas Winton, an admirable man http://savvythinker.com/nicholas-winton-an-admirable-man/ http://savvythinker.com/nicholas-winton-an-admirable-man/#comments Thu, 11 Aug 2011 03:38:05 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/?p=4681
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    In the presence of good

    Nicholas Winton, now 100 years old, was a 29 year old London stockbroker who traveled to Czechoslovakia in 1938, where he rescued hundreds of Jewish children from likely or certain death. Winton's parents were of German Jewish descent.

    Even his wife didn't know about it until 40 years after they were married, he remarked in 1999.

    Everything that happened before the war actually didn't feel important in the light of the war itself.

    Winton, alarmed at the time -- and rightly -- that Czechoslovakia would be invaded by the Nazis and Jewish residents sent to concentration camps, persuaded British officials to accept the children as long as foster homes were found and a 50 pound guarantee was paid for each child. He set about raising funds and organizing passage.

    Eight trains carried the children to Britain in the months before the war. A few went to Sweden. Many never saw their parents again, because of the Holocaust.

    To celebrate the 70th anniversary of the rescue, a vintage train carrying about two dozen survivors and their families pulled into London's Liverpool Street Station this past Friday after three days journey by rail and ferry from Prague. They greeted Nicholas, frail though he was.

    It's wonderful to see you all after 70 years. Don't leave it quite so long until we meet here again. Nicholas Winton

    I never heard about him until today when the story of the kindertransports was retold in our paper.

    It's quite remarkable that someone in the heat of confusing times would be led to act decisively in a timely fashion without regard to himself to save others and give them life. It looks easy in retrospect, but I bet we don't know the half of it or the persuading that needed to take place. And I don't suppose that 50 pounds each was a small sum in those days, not to mention the cost of passage.

    To me, he is a righteous man. The world would have been poorer without him. He's another man I'd like to know. I was glad he lived long enough to be recognized for his part. And not to forget the part of all those who aided in giving funds, some of whom might have been their own families. May their memories be for a blessing.

    Had you heard of him before?

    Don't be content in your life just to do no wrong; Be prepared every day to try and do some good. Sir Nicholas Winton

    Karin
    www.savvythinker.com
    don't steal my posts -- you know who you are!

    Originally posted 2009-09-05 11:23:59.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/nicholas-winton-an-admirable-man/feed/ 2     Review: have a little faith by Mitch Albom http://savvythinker.com/review-have-a-little-faith-by-mitch-albom/ http://savvythinker.com/review-have-a-little-faith-by-mitch-albom/#comments Fri, 22 Jul 2011 20:55:55 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/?p=7151
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    I thoroughly enjoyed have a little faith ... a true story. A friend loaned me her copy yesterday, saying I would love it. She was right.

    Albom also wrote Tuesdays with Morrie and other books.

    Albom was raised in the Jewish faith. But he had drifted away, making more and more time for work and less and less for any sense of religion, except he would go back home and sit with his parents in his seat in the synagogue for High Holy days. He never joined a temple where he lived.

    During one of his visits, the only rabbi he ever knew as his rabbi, the one from his childhood, asks him if he would write the eulogy for his funeral, not that he is dying, but he is in his 80s.

    And so begins the true story of a return to faith.

    Albom feels he must get to know the rabbi better, so he begins to fly in on weekends and ask him questions, the large questions of faith, interviewing him. Do you believe? Why do you believe? How did you survive the loss of your 5 year old daughter? How did you reconcile it to your faith? Do you believe in heaven? What about forgiveness? What comes after this life? Will we meet again?

    And about the same time he meets a Detroit pastor, ministering to the poorest of the poor, who himself had been a convict, drug user and who-knows-what-all-else. For a long time Albom doesn't trust that the man is real. His before-story seems so beyond belief, to come from that into this.

    The book is written not quite in alternating chapters, but close. One chapter will be the story of the rabbi (Albert Lewis) as it unfolds. Then a chapter will be of Henry Covington. And occasionally there will be excerpts from Lewis' sermons.

    I felt it was a privilege to walk the path of faith with these three men. After all, each of our faith walks is different, but all of value to God.

    Have you read this book?
    I give it 4 stars out of 4 stars.

    It is also available for Kindle:

    Karin

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    Originally posted 2010-08-25 15:24:56.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/review-have-a-little-faith-by-mitch-albom/feed/ 0     Finding a way out of disappointment, discouragement, despair http://savvythinker.com/finding-a-way-out-of-disappointment-discouragement-despair/ http://savvythinker.com/finding-a-way-out-of-disappointment-discouragement-despair/#comments Sun, 17 Jul 2011 18:39:57 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/?p=7191
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    Life can be tough at times, that's for sure.

    The adage: Into every life a little rain must fall holds little comfort, and I'd prefer real rain, thank you very much. Or the adage: When life gets tough, the tough get going, may be a whole lot easier said than done, when it comes to battling it out in your own life.

    This quote came across my computer, and it started me thinking:

    In every life there is some disappointment, but discouragement is a choice. In every life there is some disappointment. To become discouraged means it’s the way we think about disappointment that keeps us discouraged or encouraged. Mary Morrissey

    Anybody who's ever fought a battle with discouragement, knows how difficult it can be. But it's the only way up and out of that black hole.

    As I thought about this quote, it seemed to me that discouragement settles in when disappointments stick around for the long haul. Momentary disappointments are small blips on consciousness, but if they pile up, or if we see that there will be no changes, discouragement slides in the door and takes up residence.

    And if discouragement settles in for very long, its companion despair shows up to sit alongside and whisper into consciousness. Also, serious grief skips the disappointment stage altogether and moves right into discouragement and despair.

    I find it easier to catch at the disappointment stage than I do at the discouragement or despair stages.

    Sometimes if I feel I could have done better than I did, I find myself disappointed in myself. That gives me two things to handle! And if I don't catch myself, I spiral downward.

    Here are some things that work at times for me:

    *It sometimes helps to have someone you can truly share with.
    *I try to be good to myself, to be as accepting of my own humanness as I am of others'.
    *I try to build up some strength in the easy moments.
    *I try not to think about things, when I am overtired or need to eat or if life is crazy-busy (which I try to keep to a minimum.) (I'm laughing a bit at that right now, since I have to check my hall calendar to see what each day requires of me for the family.)
    *I choose an activity that makes me happy: see a movie, read a book, do something with a friend or loved one, have some tea, take a walk, admire things that are beautiful, have a quiet time to myself...
    *I try to make changes or ask for changes, if at all possible, not that they always happen. In fact, if I'm honest, they rarely do. The only change I can affect is within myself -- and that's not too easy all the time either.
    *I try not to keep a tally of disappointments, but rather of the good things that occur.
    *I look for hope and express some gratitude.
    *I pray for the ability to accept the things that just are and for a way out of the hole, if I am in it.

    This prayer is a good reminder to me:

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
    Reinhold Niebuhr

    Knowing the difference can be a huge key.

    What works for you?
    If it's not raining in your life right now, you can be happy about that!

    Karin
    www.savvythinker.com

    Originally posted 2010-09-21 14:12:26.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/finding-a-way-out-of-disappointment-discouragement-despair/feed/ 0     Dealing with irregular people http://savvythinker.com/dealing-with-irregular-people/ http://savvythinker.com/dealing-with-irregular-people/#comments Fri, 15 Jul 2011 17:51:21 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/01/25/dealing-with-irregular-people/
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    Years ago I read a book by Christian author Joyce Landorf Irregular People . She posits that everyone has one...and if you don't, thank God.

    As I remember it, at the time it didn't offer me a lot of new insights, but I loved the title of the book, as it gave me a kind of humorous handle on thinking about difficult people or situations.

    A recent New York Times article delves into the same topic: Help, I'm surrounded by jerks and the plethora of books that deal with the subject now.

    But in an age when no problem goes unacknowledged or unaddressed, living with such people is no longer the only choice. Stephanie Rosenbloom

    Having somebody who is really difficult can actually be good for the workplace.If everyone really hates this one person, it becomes the basis of social bonding for the rest of the group. Jo-Ellen Pozner, a researcher in the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern.

    Are there more jerks today or are we only more sensitive to them? Are we simply less willing to put up with them? Those are the $64,000 questions.

    Is it possible they might be us, LOL.

    Hmmm, does a jerk ever recognize they are one? or do they know and they are just being intentional about it, because they can get away with it or are bullies and no one has stood up to them, or whatever?

    Karin

    Originally posted 2007-01-25 09:18:26.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/dealing-with-irregular-people/feed/ 4     What grows in the garden of your heart? http://savvythinker.com/what-grows-in-the-garden-of-your-heart/ http://savvythinker.com/what-grows-in-the-garden-of-your-heart/#comments Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:39:38 +0000 Karin http://savvythinker.com/2007/06/25/what-grows-in-the-garden-of-your-heart/
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    I liked the progression of this quotation. Often one quality in thought leads to another, and it's difficult to get off the treadmill. So it is important what qualities are in our progression of thought, or our progressive steps might be blocked by qualities that don't allow a forward flow.

    I'm not always as quick as I'd like to be in stopping a thought, but I work at it daily. I don't think we have to think every thought that presents itself to our consciousness. We have a choice.

    I was taught as a child to stand porter at the door of thought and only allow those thoughts in that are helpful. It was the natural way for me to think, but I have a friend who had never heard of the concept and didn't know she had a choice in her thoughts, but of course, she knew she didn't have to act on everything she thinks.

    How about you? do you turn away thoughts or do you feel you have to think every thought that comes?

    Karin

    Hope is the seed of belief.
    Belief is the seedling of faith.
    Faith is the stem of forgiveness.
    Forgiveness is the flower of love.
    Love is the blossom of life.
    Author unknown but you can buy it at signals.com

    It reminded me of the progression in this quote:

    Phil4: 8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. KJV

    Originally posted 2007-06-25 08:23:50.

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    ]]>     http://savvythinker.com/what-grows-in-the-garden-of-your-heart/feed/ 2