There we were minding our own business walking along in early morning when a younger couple came toward us. He was carrying a drink, with his other arm heavily across the girl's shoulders. She did not look comfortable. I suppose they were in their mid-20's, but who can tell. He had drunk more than was good for him (or her.)
He said to us, thinking he was funny, "I want you to know she really is beautiful inside, but she is not beautiful outside."
He spoke with an accent, which I would say was likely Scandinavian. They were both attractive blonds. I don't know if she spoke English, but a flash of hurt went across her face.
All I could think of was, WT? I wish I had known what to say that would not have made it worse. I don't know which of them I felt more sympathy for. I hope she doesn't let him affect her own sense of herself. I hope he has the good sense never to comment like this again, though that is unlikely. I hope this attitude is not set in stone in him.
It gave me something to think about for the rest of that day (and even today.) I think that is why we saw it, so our thoughts could be a help and healing.
It was surely a form of abuse. How likely is it that he would change...was this a one-off or something habitual? Or is every similar comment a one-off? Or is it just when he has been drinking too much (and how often is that?)
It is possible to love someone but know you can't live with them.
What would your advice be for the girl, if she asked you? I was speechless. (I know, hard to believe.)
Karin
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Since she is attractive to begin with (from what you say), I’d say she does know that this is totally absurd? And therefore pays no real attention? *hopeful, confused look*
However this is seriously embarassing for anyone hearing this and I don’t know why he felt the need to say it! Sometimes things that make no sense are an inside thing for some people, though. I imagine there is some subtext to this.
I’m sure there was nothing you could have said…
I never can understand the need to put someone else down. After all, they were together, so is he not saying something about himself (outside of the fact that he was an insensitive clod, more than a bit drunk, unkind, not funny, and perhaps a chauvinist) and the kind of woman he can be with.
Is this the kind of comment she will be subjected to into old age and will he get more ascerbic?
I sincerely hope she gets away before that…..
Thanks, E. I think so too, unless it is a one-off, but it’s easy to have a one-off lead to another one-off and before you know it a lot of time has gone by.
As somebody who grew up with an alcoholic parent, I’d say never cut anybody any slack over what they say when they’re drunk. Just the reverse. Booze doesn’t make you a different person, it just shuts down your internal editor.
I doubt there’s anything you could have said that would have been helpful, since they were strangers. If the girl had been someone I knew, I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell her she needs to get away from the guy ASAP. A lover who hurls insults in a quarrel might be forgiven, but one who goes out of his way to humiliate you in front of a complete stranger is just toxic.
Thanks, I’m hoping and praying she has someone in her life who will speak up to her (and him) or that she will have the courage and strength to know what to do for herself. They both deserve to claim their higher selfhood.