I've been thinking that some experiences take patience to the nth degree. Current estimates for new Chinese adoptions are running into the 2 yrs to 36 mos range. I thought our wait of 18 mos was a long wait. And, of course, I didn't know it would be 18 mos when I began.
I told myself during that time (over and over) that patience is a virtue...and by definition, patience means you have to wait. (But I didn't have to like it.) And so I waited and waited and waited. Some folks dropped out of the China program or pulled their dossiers, even as is happening today. I felt I'd leave my paperwork in. That was the only way it could possibly happen. (Which isn't strictly true, as I know of at least two families who adopted their Chinese daughters in the US, not in China.) We never really know our path until it opens. My path was only to go to China, because nothing else opened up during that time.
Life Lessons: Two Experts on Death and Dying Teach Us About the Mysteries of Life and Living
If something is not changeable, try to see it as not broken. Try to find a little faith in the process and the unfolding of things. Despite our belief that things need our assistance, most of the amazing things in the world occur without our help, interference or assistance. We don't have to tell the cells in our body to divide, we don't have to tell a cut to heal. There is a power in the world. Trust that all things are moving toward the good, even when we don't recognize it or see it. That is faith. Having patience is having faith.
In faith, you remember that no experience is wasted...You can afford to relax and let life unfold....
And remember that God and the universe are not ultimately just working on the situation: they're working on you... The universe is concerned with who you are, and it will bring into your life, in whatever the situations, in whatever time, what you need to become the person you are supposed to be. p 179-181
I made a conscious choice not to join list servs for adoption at that time, because they were rife with rumors. All that did was give me two things to handle. Some folks can be so negative and bitter, filled with anger and resentment, that I wonder(ed) how that will affect them when they receive(d) their child. Would any child be good enough to take away all their negative feelings during the wait? No child deserves to have that kind of onus put on them.
Each person has to find their own way through a circumstance that requires patience. Try to take it a day at a time. Do something good for yourself.
The book also has chapters on Authenticity, Love, Relationships, Loss, Power, Guilt, Time, Fear, Anger, Play, Surrender, Forgiveness and Happiness.
We must unlearn the negative ways of thinking. We must practice unlearning. By practice I don't mean practice being happy while walking in nature on a pleasantly cool, clear day. Practice being happy all the time, especially the next time circumstances are not terribly conducive to joy...practice not letting it interfere with your state of mind. p 217
Good advice. Maybe not so easy to follow, at least at times. And, on the other hand, if you know you enjoy walking in the cool of the evening, make a point of doing it and bringing happiness into the wait.
Karin
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Karin,
Thank you so much for this blog entry. I haven’t read your blog in a long time, and I really needed to read that today.
Robert and I tossed around (for about 5 minutes) looking at programs outside of China. Both of us (at this time) don’t feel leaving the China program is the right decision for our family.
As we were chatting, the TV was on. The Sinfeld episode where Jerry, George, and Elaine are waiting for a table in a Chinese restaurant was on. The Matre d’ kept saying, “Another 5, 10 minutes.” We took it as a “Sign”feld.
We’re sticking it out! It’s hard, but in our hearts meant to be!
That’s cute, Sheila, and likely it was a sign for you. Who can discount timing and desire even to watch a TV show!
Just figure each day is a day closer and be good to yourselves during the wait. And email me any time!
Our daughter was 18 mos (on paperwork) when we received her. It would not have been her, if we had gone earlier. She wasn’t ready.