The question was asked of APs something like this: why do you stick around a list that is tough to listen to because the adoptees tell it like it is? Here’s one of the answers, with permission.

OK, here’s my story: I had a conversion experience.

When dd was age three we serendipitously discovered that dd has an identical twin living 10 hours away from us. Brought up all the fears I was hiding from even myself about adoption. Would I “lose” dd to twin? What if dd loved the twin more than me? What if dd liked twin’s mothers more than us?

Found a good adoption therapist. Who sort of said “this is about your daughter not you so you better wake up, smell the coffee and get on board because the train is leaving the station with you or without you.”

So the conversion, coming at an embarrassingly late date in my parenting journey was that “it’s not about me.”

Don’t know how much I really have learned or changed (how much can you really ever know about yourself regarding your own self centeredness?) And after all, it was my own self centered wish to have a continuing relationship with my daughter that led me to try to give up my self centeredness.

making an honest effort to keep ears and heart open to all voices is the least I can do.

thanks for asking!

Wanda, at IAT

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Categories:

Adoption, Guest writer, Just thinking

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