Entries from July 2007 ↓
July 28th, 2007 — Adoption, Just thinking, Spirituality and God
There are many hard truths of adoption, all of which our children own. After all, it is their story. And age appropriately we share with them so they have the knowledge they need to take into the world with them.
And some things may turn out to be unexpectedly difficult or hard for our children that we need to learn to wrap our heads around in order to walk the path with them.
Tonight, on the way to dinner, out of the blue, our 11 yo asked if we knew any information about where she was found. We have talked about this before, but tonight she was ready to listen at another level. I don’t know what sparked the question. She had spent time with a friend today, but she did not say they talked about anything. Perhaps it was just seeing someone in their birth family.
I remember the first time I used the word ‘abandon’ or ‘abandonment’ with my children. It was a hard word to get out of my mouth, but after a while, it becomes easier, just as it was easy to think in my thoughts.
I can’t count the number of times people have said to me things like: they don’t like girls in China — they abandon or kill their girls in China.
And I have asked them if they have ever been in China. (No.) The truth is something far different.
My girls have also had it said to them in school.
What good would it do them not to know the real facts or for me to gloss over them? They will grow up, and then they will know that I was not trustworthy.
The word appears on their paperwork.
We don’t know who did what, when or why. I believe God was there over all, leading us to each other. I do not believe God caused it. There are some things in life that are not easy to understand or may never be understood here. But we process it as best we can, looking through a glass darkly. Life is complicated and complex, not simplistic.
I have heard adult adoptees counsel not to say an adoption plan was made. After all, it wasn’t, not in the sense we use the phrase in the West. How can one equate abandonment with an adoption plan? (In some countries you do know the birth parents’ names, that is different.) I don’t even think the concept exists in China. It has only been recently than any kind of supposed push toward domestic adoption is taking place. And, so far as I know, these are not known to the person adoptions.
I have always told my girls the truth as we know it. I want them to come to me, knowing I will always tell them the truth vs. needing to ask someone else. (This goes for other things too like facts of life.)
And even though we talk about these truths often, there are moments when it is more meaningful to them, as far as their level of understanding.
So tonight we talked (again) about some of the known facts of Chinese adoption, as well as the gray areas where we do not have information, and we talked of the difference in culture.
One child has no information re place of abandonment. It was not required by our government at that time. The other does. But in our small group of adoptive families that went to the SWI that we adopted from, four families (two each) had identical finding information, which seems unlikely. The truth is not forthcoming.
What I considered cultural (a grandmother taking a child and forcing abandonment on the mother and/or father) is clearly kidnapping in our culture. (Yes! she said.) (And she said she could never do that. She’d feel too badly to cause so much hurt.) (And I said something like but remember we are raised to think differently.)
And I said, it’s very hard to admit we did something we wished we might not have, that caused us pain, expected or unexpected. I said, what if I had abandoned a child, and they found me and asked me later, what might I possibly say. (She said, you might say it was the grandmother.) (And I said, and in our case, my mother is dead, so you couldn’t ask her. So it might be hard in this life to ever know the real truth.)
And then we were at dinner…and there will be more moments to talk and share and process.
Karin
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July 28th, 2007 — Books, Just thinking
Books are the compasses and telescopes and sextants and charts which other men have prepared to help us navigate the dangerous seas of human life. Jesse Lee Bennett
The sum of human wisdom is not contained in any one language, and no single language is capable of expressing all forms and degrees of human comprehension. -Ezra Pound, poet (1885-1972)
A different language is a different vision of life. -Federico Fellini, film director and writer (1920-1993)
I have always loved reading. I don’t even remember a time that was pre-reading, but I know I didn’t learn to read until I was in school, and likely not until first grade, which for me would have been about age 5.
See Spot run! Those books didn’t bore me. I loved the pictures. And somehow that initial love translated to books of all kinds.
I wish I had stayed more with foreign languages. I’m always interested to find that a language doesn’t have a word for something … or that their similar word holds nuances that are lost in English. I took a mini-course at a local community college when James Clavell’s Shogun
was televised. I learned that some languages have a way to import words from other countries and some languages do not. More sharing of knowledge can happen when words can be imported, and also that country is more open to progress and change, when the language can be influenced.
I think the Internet enhances faster sharing too.
There’s a whole world of interesting things out there. I’m only scratching the surface. It’s been good to get back into a stack of books again.
What are you reading?
What languages do you speak? read? write? understand?
Do you have easy access to speaking your second (or fourth) language?
I took some German. That was my first foreign language, and it was difficult for me. I remember some words, that’s about all. Then I took two years of French, which was easier. I’d like to re-take it. I get a bit of practice in traveling, but I’m nowhere near being bilingual.
Karin
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July 28th, 2007 — Just thinking, Opportunity
This article and picture was so interesting to me!
Imagine finding a well-preserved (even with skin on) baby Mammoth!
Just when I begin to think some things are lost to antiquity, something like this is found.
Sometimes the unthinkable becomes present and found. What will be the next findings? There are opportunities ahead of us that we can’t begin to know until we find them.
Karin
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July 28th, 2007 — Adoption, Guest writer
The Grocery List
Grocery List:
Butter
Eggs
Milk
Pasta
Sitting, looking at this list
things I need
but can do without
One more thing needs to be added
thing I need
but can’t do without
Are they really selfless
these mothers that never were?
I have another new dog
passed around too many times
in her young life
Jumps at every sound
wary but wanting
the love I can give
Meanwhile,
Loki snuggles on my lap
has he forgotten his former life?
I want to be him
I want to forget
A show was on tonight
a fictional, happy-ever-after plot
adopted daughter finds father and grandmother
A momentary lapse into fantasy
but then reality sets in
of something I need, but will never find
Grocery List:
Butter
Eggs
Milk
Pasta
Mother
Something I can’t live without
(c) Eun Mi, at IAT, with permission
To visit her blog, go here.
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July 26th, 2007 — Perfumes, Quotations
What a great interview!
Karin
Now, to answer your question, we might want to look for another analogy: Music. The perfume formula is like the notes on a piece of paper. To make a symphony alive you need musicians and instruments. Good musicians and good instruments. The music that you hear is then the manifestation of the notes on paper and -to finish the analogy- the fragrance you smell is the materialisation of an idea, written down as formula. You need a good formula to make a good scent, coming up with the formula is the creative act. The better the formula, the more robust it is, allowing for minor quality of certain ingredients. The shorter the formula the more difficult it will be to compensate missing ingredients quality. Andy Tauer
To see the full interview go here.
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July 26th, 2007 — Books, Guest writer, Paranormal
I loved this review from Times Online
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
By J.K. Rowling
Reviewed by Alice Fordham
Death and vengeance hang over this book from the outset.
Readers know that this is the last episode and that resolution will come only with heavy losses, besides which Rowling has hinted strongly at a bloodbath. As a consequence, the first hundred pages will be turned with whitened knuckles, and Rowling ruthlessly exploits this belly-gripping anxiety.
The opening chapter introduces us not to our beloved heroes, but to Voldemort, massing his forces, humiliating and murderous as ever. The first scene of action and danger is a spectacular stunt, involving no fewer than 15 of the good guys in mortal peril. It is testament to Rowling’s gifts that her readers know, love and will be able to recite the family history of all 15 - and would be sorry to see them go.
Every casualty - fretted about by millions for the last two years - has great impact and bad news, of which there is plenty, comes at moments of high drama. Strong nerves will be required for this first section, when every edifice seems to fall to the Dark forces.
The Deathly Hallows
Readers know that this is the last episode and that resolution will come only with heavy losses
Background
* Harry mania…and there may be more
* Is is Harry ever after for Potter?
* Potter breaks previous sales record
* Wizard day for biggest book event
Related Internet Links
* Watch Screen Online - Harry Potter special
* Visit the Times Online’s Harry Potter topic page
* Order Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows online
Of course, there are always healthy doses of Dark magic in Potter books, but gradually, even in times of brittle peace, we realise this one is going to be rather different. Harry and his pals, in case you haven’t been frantically re-reading the first six books for clues, must set out on an expedition to find pieces of their arch-enemy’s soul. As Hermione reveals the arrangements she has made to give her parents new identities, and even Ron contemplates the sacrifices to be made, it becomes clear that this is to be no boarding-school book in disguise. They are dropping out of Hogwarts in earnest, and there will be no Quidditch, no pumpkin juice and no Blast-Ended Skrewts.
With this, Rowling sets herself a difficult task. Her convoluted fantasy plots have in the past been leavened with wit that revels in the imagined detail of the wizarding world. From Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavoured Beans to Romilda Vane and her love potions, school life had endless charm to offset its increasingly gruesome goings-on. In this book, Harry, Ron and Hermione spend a lot of time on their own, camping in damp and cold bits of Britain. Unable to communicate with their sweet and scatty friends, and cut off from what remains of their families, they have some dark times.
And yet, I do not think that any fan will be disappointed. Much as everyone loves the Pensieves and the Polyjuice potion, the real appeal of the Potter books has always lain in the characters. The queueing, the excitement, are not just because we must know what happens, but because we love Harry and the rest, and are touched over and over again by the strength of their friendship. We have watched them grow up, felt their flaws and admired their bravery, and will willingly read about them through their times of trouble, even without the distractions of Hogwarts. Rowling’s genius is not just her total realisation of a fantasy world, but the quieter skill of creating characters that bounce off the page, real and flawed and brave and lovable.
The book, then, is as much a journey into the mysteries of the characters as a linear narrative. We learn much more of Dumbledore, and his murky past. We had not heard the last of Snape. Ron’s mettle is severely tested and Hermione’s courage stretched to its limits by the dismal frustrations of their mission. Although some may find the lengthy explanations required tedious, I think that more will be grateful for the satisfaction of seeing every piece of the puzzle fit together.
There is some gentle politics. As the Ministry becomes ever Darker, Rowling includes a description straight out of a totalitarian fantasy. Giant black statues of wizards seated on thrones made from the bodies of Muggles adorn the entrance to the Ministry of Magic, along with the slogan MAGIC IS MIGHT. Muggles and half-breeds are persecuted and Hermione is vindicated in her long-ignored campaign for the well-being of downtrodden members of the wizarding world. The message of tolerance and consideration is not especially subtle, but it is neither surprising nor jarring to find it in a series of books with so pointed an ethical dimension to the narrative.
There will also be, for those who are looking for it, a religious undertone. In the climax of a storyline that began when Harry’s mother produced strong magic by sacrificing her life for him, acceptance of death leads, in one case, to a new form of life. People will interpret this as they choose.
On the flyleaf Rowling quotes from Aeschylus’s final play in the great Orestes trilogy. The finality of death, in that tragedy, closes a horrible cycle of revenge and allows a final peace. Although readers may be distraught at all the slaughter, Rowling knows the importance of peace after the cataclysm. We have been a long way together, and neither she nor Harry let us down in the end.
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July 25th, 2007 — Books, Paranormal
For those of us who would like to discuss the book without spoiling it for those who haven’t read it, use the comment section to this post. It can only be read by clicking on the comments, so if you haven’t read the book, come back to this section later!
What parts of the book did you find interesting? believable? scary? did you like what happens to the characters, the one(s) who die/don’t die? how about the epilogue?
Karin
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July 24th, 2007 — Music
July 21st, 2007 — Books, Just thinking, Paranormal
The HP book was very satisfying, even though I’ve read only the ending, a little of the beginning, and a little more of the ending.
I won’t give it away.
Unfortunately I stayed up to 3:30 am and I am paying for it this morning. Groan. But it was worth it. Yes, I could have waited until today, but why? The middle of the night is quiet, with no one making demands on me, so I had uninterrupted moments to read.
9 yo was weaving, she was so tired, but she wanted to read some with the big kids, and she did. 11 yo went straight to bed at midnight; she was exhausted. One of the 20-somethings went to bed at 4:30, but she didn’t begin to read until about 3:30. Everyone is just now beginning to stir somewhat.
Very satisfying!
If you’ve read it, we can email vs. writing at my blog. Here, just let me know if you find it satisfying too. JKR is vindicated as a storyteller. It was not disappointing and had just enough twists.
ps 9:13 pm one of the 20-somethings has finished the book. He also felt as I did. I heard him saying to the others as they left for dinner, that he almost cried when it was over. Why, they said, was it sad? I didn’t hear his answer, but I’d say because it is poignant, a relief that it is satisfying, etc. Both of us liked the epilogue less than the book, but hey! that’s all I’m gonna say.
Karin
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July 20th, 2007 — Books, Movies, Music
